How come so many women date or marry abusive men?

I have read that a lot of women have abusive boyfriends or husbands. Do the women know their men are abusers? How come these women date or marry good men who treat them well?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh boy, is this a question.
    Okay. The majority of the time, women DO NOT realize that they're getting into relationships with abusers/potential abusers.
    You know that saying thing, "If you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it'll jump out, but if you put a frog into a pot of regular water and slowly turn up the heat, it'll boil to death"?
    Yeah. That's an abusive relationship. Women don't purposefully get into them. They aren't fun, they aren't healthy, and 98% of the time women have no clue until it's too late, until they're getting beaten up and raped and all sorts of shit is happening to them and then people ask them "Why haven't you left yet?" as if it's their fault.
    They don't realize what's happening until they're too scared of their abuser to do anything.
    There are a few women who grew up in abusive households and then date/marry into them cos that's all they've ever known, but that's not the majority of women.
    It' just something that sucks, but it happens. Nobody wants to talk about it cos it's humiliating and painful and it hurts to think about, just like rape.

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    • That is so sad.

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    • I apologize if my comment offended you in any way.

    • No, it didn't offend me at all. I'm just rather frustrated by the majority of these people's sheer ignorance of this sort of situation. I'm frustrated with society for covering it up and not talking about it.
      I am in no way offended by your comment. It was just that, a comment. Not meant to be offensive.

What Girls Said 6

  • I think it's because... a bad temper can sometimes be attractive. Someone who wears his heart on his sleeve can be admirable in a way. At first, you don't expect the anger or violence to be turned onto yourself. And by the time it does happen to you, you're already in love, you start making excuses, you doubt yourself, etc. Why do people smoke if they know it will kill them one day? It's hard to break a bad habit even though it's hurting you.

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    • How is that attractive? If a woman had a bad temper, I would dump her. It's not cute.

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    • Oh ok. You like a man that will stand up for himself. I read your answer wrong lol.

    • Yes, that's what I meant =]

  • They often say that women want a challenge. When a man is too nice he proposes no challenge and tends to make them feel less attraction. It has also been researched that the men in their life (E. g. Father) plays a big part in what a woman finds attractive in a man. So if her father was abusive then she will most likely assume that is what love is. Good guys and good women always get the short end of the stick logically it makes no sense. But love isn't logically is it.

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    • Hey, that's just life. People have said I was a good guy, but that doesn't mean a thing in the dating world.

  • My ex was emotionally & mentally abusive. I got together with him because he seemed wonderful at first. When he started acting like an asshole some time later I thought it was because of stress or something and figured he'd eventually go back to the wonderful man he was in the beginning. Until 2 years went by and he never stopped being an asshole and I finally realized the man he was in the beginning never really existed. I'm sure plenty of other women have gotten duped the same way. But there are also probably a good amount of other women with low self-esteem and who are used to being abused maybe by family members or ex boyfriends and they don't think they can do any better.

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    • I would never abuse a woman, in fact I would treat a woman good. Yet abusers can get a woman with ease. F Logic.

  • Because people accept the love they think they deserve

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  • Money or a child is involved

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  • Let's also not forget abuse come in so many forms. It's hard to see an abuser coming, especially if it's his family's secret he/she knows how to hide it. And we are so caught up believing that we can change him/her, they have broken spirits, or a home of come from a terrible family, I guess so much women get caught up in the project of fixing them, that we never really realize we are the one who need fixing. Then the cycle continues.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Very true, some women find "hard, aggressive/fast car esque/tattooed men" desirable and seem to be surprised that they are, well aggressive, abusive and question why they get treated badly. "Nice guys" have emotion, women complain guys dont have emotion yet won't date the guys that they complain most men aren't? Am I missing something or is this obvious? Do you want a man whos going to be loving and in tune with you and your future kids, or someone whos a complete jerk but impresses his friends and acts like a dick?

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  • At the heart of it, it's all a reflection of the woman's self worth. Which is not to say that the abuse is her fault in any way/shape/form, because it's absolutely not. But that's why they enter into (and stay in) abusive relationships.

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  • a lot of the times, the girls don't know how abuse a guy is. People do change after marriage

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  • It isn't about the man being abusive. It is about the man being dominate. Women love dominate men, even if it is dominance in the form of abuse.

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    • There is a difference between dominance and borderline being abusive. Can't they tell the difference.

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    • I apologize if I offended you 100klicksaway. I didn't mean to. I probably worded my comment in the wrong way.

    • I think that the woman is so infatuated by his dominance that she convinces herself that he has some other traits that make up for the abuse.

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