Why do I only attract younger guys? I don't want to be a cougar!!?

I'm 27 years old, and single.
I've noticed a pattern that has happened all my adult life.
I've only been in one relationship, and he was one and a half years younger than me.
Guys I've made out with at events have basically ALL turned out to be younger than me. Making out at events isn't something that I do anymore,. but when I was around 20-22, I'd often find out later that the guy was 18.
I find I get a lot of younger guys flirting with me everywhere I go, but none who are my age, or slightly older, (but I do get those much older flirts too).
It was really the last straw last weekend, while I was sitting down, just a part of a group conversation, and a guy came to sit next to me, he sat quite close, and was very tactile/touchy, and incredibly friendly and flirty... I was being hit-on. He was clearly very young, (I later found out that was only 18!!). He asked me how old I was, and before I could answer, he said "are you one of those girls who looks a lot younger than you really are?". So obviously I do look young, BUT his comment made it evident that he somehow knew I was older. When he found out that I'm 27, he was a little shocked and surprised, but it still dudn't put him off, he continued to flirt.
I do look quite young for my age, but not THAT much younger. The majority of people guess I'm 21-23, give or take a few years. And I just don't undersrand why guys my age don't appear as interested, as wouldn't they still be interested in girls a few years younger? (so mistaking me for being younger shouldn't be a problem).
I dress modestly but attractively, and I do not dress like a teenager at all.
I don't act immaturely either. I'm a pretty responsible person, maybe a little reserved, most people describe me as "sweet and caring".
I am a smallish build, 168 cm's and 53 kg's... not sure if that would influence who may or may not be attracted to me.
But can someone please help me...
What am I doing wrong?
What is wrong with me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm 27 myself and I will rarely look for women in pubs and clubs because they too are often much younger than I am. It's a problem with social programming. I assume most women my age are already locked in a relationship so I've kind of stopped looking so pro-actively. Younger women are good for flings but I would prefer to be with someone my own age.

    I have no real advice for you because I'm in the same boat. I guess we'll just have to keep talking to the opposite sex and eventually we'll find something we both feel comfortable with.

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    • I don't go to clubs either. And I don't do flings. I'm starting to assume that all guys my age are all in relationships, married etc now aswell. I hope uou meet the right girl soon. Thanks for answering!

    • You two taught me a lesson.Thank you so much for unknowingly educating me. D:

    • @sslag glad to hear that. What was the lesson?

What Guys Said 9

  • Hey bethanny dont worry about such small things. I myself chasing a 30yr old. U shud be happy younger guys are into you. Dont think of as cougar and all.. they are really into you. I swear only guys older than you will cheat and beat. Younger guys are far more faithful. You shud and must be fortunate. Try them and give them a chance. Dont fall in society stigmas. Dont make guys suffer like me. Go on and enjoy you will be 27 once. Make it count

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    • Thanks, that's reassuring to hear.
      So how old are you exactly?
      Well I guess it really depends on the individual, as to whether they are faithful/loyal or not, rather than age, but I get what you're saying.
      I actually have dated younger guys, e.g. 2 years younger, I'd consider 3 years younger too.
      But the guys I seem to attract are often around 20-21, and the rare 18 year old too...:/

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    • without fail :)

    • bethanyy... today i got news from her... that she got engaged arranged by her parents... :( but was happy for her... at least now i know i can moveon

  • you used to make out last time. i don't know if this could be repercussions of it but the past is past if you've changed now.

    my advice is don't flirt with anyone unless you know the person. and when you are attracted to someone, flirting comes naturally. there will be signs you are attracted to him and him to you.
    if you go to church, there is nothing to worry about. keep your promise and be faithful to God. try your best to serve God and pray that God send your spouse on your way.
    in the mean time prepare yourself to be the best that you can be.

    just show you are not interested to guys who want to flirt with you. you want people to like you for who you are, not just your looks.

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    • Yes that is exactly what I want, and I do attend church, and pray about it, literally daily. However there only seem to be guys who are at least 4 years younger than me there, and every other church I've been to aswell. Any that are my own age are married.
      Believe me, I desperately want a genuine guy to get to know me, and take an interest in my heart, not just things that are skin deep only. However guys like that just don't seem to come into my life, even when I look for them.
      And you are correct, the making out business is very much a thing of the past, eg 4-5 years ago.
      It still doesn't make sense why I only ever seem to have younger males approaching me.
      And please believe me when I say I don't flirt, I wouldn't even know how to, even if I wanted to.

  • Fuck. FUCK. I'm 28, how is this supposed to make ME FEEL?

    GaahhHH I'm OLLLLDDD NOOOOO!

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  • it depends on where you hang out. if you hang out at clubs and hipster bars then you will mostly attract younger guys. if you want older guys try going to sport bars and sporting events. it also depends on how you present yourself too. i am 37 and i would hang out with you

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    • I don't go to clubs/bars etc. what I'm referring to is just every day places, such as church, or work even, and organised social events...and each of those settings have people of every age

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    • I included those details in my question. I dress modestly but nicely, I purposely choose things that are age appropriate. And I act quite mature too, I have for many years. But I can be shy at times, and have a good sense if humour, which may give a "young impression", but only mildly, overall I'm very mature, and responsible.

    • Younger guys are attracted to older women and there isn't much you can do about it. in about 5 to 10 years you will be glad younger guys are into you. i have the opposite "problem" older women and women my age like me more than younger women do lol

  • opposite thing to me m young and whenever i like some girl she always older then me like 5 or 6 years and its not means u couger or u did something wrong its mean u always attracted to younger guys...

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  • You should rather be happy. Duh

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    • Not really, it's just frustrating.

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    • Well I don't know, I have no idea what the dudes are thinking

    • Haha. I don't know, Show me a pic Ill judge. How old are you anyway?

  • Your attracting younger men because your obviously putting yourself in situations around young men? Im 30 and go to bars / clubs / social gatherings where men and women are 25+ so i only ever meet people 25+
    You need to change the places you go to or itll never change! Time to grow up an meet people your own age!

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    • I am grown up. The only people I see/meet at bars and clubs are 18-23. Plus they're not my scene anyway. Too many people there are just trying to "hook up", which is NOT what I am looking for. So please, I already am "grown up"...

  • The next time you see a handsome older man, bend over and lift up your dress so he can see what you have to offer. Doesn't have to be pperverted, just a quick peek

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    • Not exactly the impression I'm wanting to give off when I am looking for something meaningful and life-long...

    • A journey of 1000 miles begin with 1 flash.

  • you should take this as a compliment

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What Girls Said 4

  • Either you look young or you hang out in places where the youth will roam.

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  • It's your destiny to be a cougar
    Lol jk
    I'll take it as a compliment than a curse

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    • But it's a bit of a curse when they're almost a decade younger, and still considered teenagers :(

  • How can you be a cougar when you're not even old? :-p

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    • Haha, well I'm getting closer to 30, and some of these guys a still considered teenagers! So I would clearly not consider them...

  • You're not a cougar in your 20s. Attracting a younger guy is a compliment. And age is not that important anyway.

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