Does life (especially personal life) get better for the less attractive, or geeky or outcast type of people, after highschool?

So from anyone who has been through stuff like this, or in the "different area" , guys or girls, does it get better? I'm just curious, because it really seems I am the most unfortunate person when it comes to personal life. I am overweight (like 20 lbs over ) and I sometimes get called names, guys don't look at me, only a few who are either older, mediocre or who are just desperate. I always get friendzoned. And I am really shy and self-concious, low self-esteem because of all the name-calling and frienzoned thing. I really don't feel the need of a boyfriend, but I sometimes really want one and just feel lonely. And I know , because of the way I look, I shouldn't even have standards above average.. At the same time I'm also afraid because I'm 17 close to 18 never had a bf, have no idea how to kiss, which is embarassing. My mother and friends tell me when it's my time, I'll be so happy, there's no rush etc . And I know they have a point. One of my friends for example is staying with a guy she doesn't like at all, she's desperate, and it's not like she hasn't had relationships before. But I DONT want to do like her. Because it wouldn't mean anything and I'd regret it. BUT this is just my case, I'm curious in other cases too, like being the really smart kid, or the loner etc and if it got better for you.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Alright sweetheart. You're very negative on yourself. Here is my experience and I am sure it might help you in some way. I was overweight in high school. I was 165cm tall and 80kg. Now, that I am about three years out of high school, I can tell you, a lot has changed. But you have to start changing yourself, not personality, mind you. Start changing your routine or turn your life around to be happy. By the time I finished high school, I lost about 15kg because of my motivation to change. So that is one thing you have to think about.

    I used to be the geeky kid that no one wanted to talk to or hang out with. But now, I am in university, doing medical science. Those people who thought it was 'uncool' to talk to you... look at where they are now. To me, high school brings out the immaturity in everyone. Once you're out of high school, everyone realises that it is time to grow up and stop fussing or worrying about little things. I don't know if this helped but you have to think positively and if you're unhappy with yourself, start making those small changes to improve your happiness.

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    • Nailed it, Fiqah. Agree 100%

    • Thank you so much, i really appreciate your answer. I endeed am very negative. My self-esteem and confidence are so low I think they're going to - instead of +. Even when I lost those pounds I still was self-concious. and yeah, people in highschool are very immature and the thing is, for everyone who is slightly different, average or below average looking, studying hard and everything highschool is less great. I really lie your answer and I really hope when I'll go to med school, things will change. :)

    • I know how you feel. Trust me, when I was in high school, I thought I was ugly, bad-looking and was really negative and everyone around me could feel it too, even if I didn't show it. You actually don't realise how beautiful you are. Everyone doesn't, especially where we started off as, insecure and self-conscious. But I hope everything turns out better for you. Trust me, I just focused on myself and didn't let anything deter me. Now, I am in uni, i like my job, the gym is my life and I have a lovely boyfriend. It will come to you too. Don't stress. Worry less now. :)

What Guys Said 6

  • I think it does in general.

    High school is a tough time for anyone geeks, nerds, popular kids, etc. it's simply a really difficult time for everyone learning how to deal with interpersonal relationships as late teens and young adults. even those who you think are unphased probably are by the stresses of high school. I know me personally probably put out a strong exterior but in my head I was always sort of turning over things in my head.

    I think as you grow older people become (including yourself) become more and more comfortable in their skin. For some people it may be easier than others but with age comes wisdom and perspective.

    based on your picture I think you appear very attractive so I imagine the teasing and ribbing you deal with stem from a place of insecurity in other people. It is often easy to point at others to divert what we feel is attention on us.

    be strong, I do believe things will get easier!!

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  • Things will get better, and you will become very attractive to guys, all you need to do is just be yourself and maintain your genuine personality, because guys will see this and become so attracted to you. Don't worry about what names you are being called, because you will be able to shut them up without saying a word, because you really will blossom into something guys will want to fight over, so just concentrate on you for now, your time with boys will come soon enough, and your get so much attention you will want a little more space similar to what your getting now, so enjoy your own time getting to know who you really are. You have talent, but its just making sure you don't attract the wrong type of attention, x

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  • Is that you in your AV? If so, you have a beautiful face. Please don't take this as a creepy old guy hitting on you, and don't think I'm just blowing smoke up your ass. I have no desire to. I gain nothing from not being truthful.

    You need to work on your self esteem. First, lose weight. No, it won't be easy. But it will help you in so many ways. It will help you become more self confident. You'll feel better physically, and you'll notice that people aren't as mean to you. The changes on the outside will help your inside.

    Yes, things do get better in college and later in life, but your self esteem issues will hold you back until you decide to change.

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    • Thank you. Yes, it is me, but it just happened to be one of the few flattering photos of me. The problem is , last year I lost those 20 pounds and indeed felt a little bit better, but my self-esteem was still on the ground, because I got friendzoned even at that weight by a guy I was madly in love with which by the way, turned out to be really mean sometimes (He told me straight up the last time we went out "You got a bit fat, didn't you?") so we haven't talked in a while. I hate all these physical things we are judged by, but at the same time I've got to admit, I have standards too, so I know the first thing people judge you by is your appearance. I really don't know how to be more confident, I just can't seem to figure it out, because I'm always afraid someone will make fun of me again. And if someone approaches me, my mind suddenly fills with doubts about me, the guy, how will people react etc. Highschool is not so great for many people..

    • I agree. And the reason you get friendzoned isn't because of what you look like, it's because you're not confident. You can trust me, I was the king of the friendzone in college/early 20s. How you get out of the friendzone is never putting yourself in there in the first place. You don't put yourself there by being confident and bold. Tell people what you want at the beginning of a relationship... if they don't agree, move on.

      find some talent or something you are good at to give yourself a boost.

      Believe it or not, confidence is truly something where you can "fake it till you make it". Which means.. FAKE confidence. if you keep presenting confidence even when screaming self doubt on the inside... eventuatlly that inside will start to believe the outward.

  • Hell yes. I hated high school.

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  • Man o man YES

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    • Google HS pics of movie stars & other famous people that actually contributed something important to society

    • Comparing HS to college is like apples to oranges

  • The people who have a difficult time in high school (unpopular, low self esteem, etc.) often tend to be the ones who are most successful later in life. It seems the people who face no adversity in high school come out into the real world and struggle when things get rough while those who struggled in school are better prepared for the adversities of real life.

    Hang in there because it does get better.

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What Girls Said 8

  • People all thought I was a total dork in high school. I had a few friends but not many. I was quiet, rarely talked to anyone. I studied, read books, and drew almost constantly through school. I was constantly teased. Never had a boyfriend. After I graduated, I re-evaluated myself, got rid of all the haters from high school, realized I wasn't going to be held down by their unkind words, updated my wardrobe, changed up my hair, decided what I liked to do and what I wanted out of life and then I went for it. I just became a new me. I did what I thought would make me feel the most comfortable with myself. I'm naturally shy, but sometimes you just have to put on your brightest smile and become that social butterfly for a little bit. It's hard but you make soooo many friends. I still feel a little panicky when I go to meet new people, but it's something that's very worth it. :) I am now 21 and always being told I'm attractive and fun to be around. I've also been dating the best guy for 3 years. I'm actually glad I waited to have a relationship until out of high school. There was none of that massive peer pressure to have sex with everyone... plus I made it out of school without being pregnant. Most of the 'popular' girls weren't so lucky. Now, I'm almost done with college and have a pretty great job... and all those same girls that picked on me are now single mothers on welfare...

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    • aww, I hope i'll have a nice relationship like yours after highschool, at some point :3 So glad everything worked out for you, it gives me hope for myself haha

  • Yes. As you get older you learn more about what really matters in life and what's important. You'll become more cofortablr with yourself and have a better understanding of who you are. You'll come out of your shell more and meet more peple who have things in common with. All that crap that happens in high school means diddly squat later on in life. Just take care of yourself, enjoy your youth and keep your head up high.

    Plus, you wouldn't believe how many people get fat that were skinny in high school.

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  • All of your problems are fixable. You can loose weight and pretty up with some work and effort but you have to really want to want it. And this isn't to get a boyfriend it's to be better of in the long run. You see you need to develop healthy life habits as people tend to gain 15 pounds freshman year and then the post grad 30 . And I guess things got somewhat better for me after my first year of college because it was really traumatic just because lots of people are dicks in culinary school

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  • It gets SO MUCH BETTER! High-school and grade school are the worst. It's college you should wait for to truly be accepted and appreciated for who you are. College is going to the best time of your life. =)

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  • Yes looking (and feeling) a certain way is just a phase, people's appearance change dramatically when they drop the extra kilos (if they were fat). I was "ugly" in my teens and had no confidence in a lot of things and standing up for myself. I looked really old too. People couldn't believe the university I. d. photo taken 12 years ago was me, when I had to verify that in order to get my academic transcripts.

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  • Yes it gets better! School is only a small fraction of your life but when you are there it feels like your entire world. When I was in school I was so awkward I got bullied like anything name called and never had a boyfriend I thought I would be alone forever, I had spots, glasses, greasy hair and the worst buck teeth! I was so skinny but had a pop belly, I never developed breasts naturally and I had an excessive sweat problem. It took 7 years of dental work to sort my teeth out, contact lenses then breast implants, 6 days a week in the gym and my skin finally cleared up! I won numerous beauty pageants from the the age of 20 to 22 then met my husband have 2 beautiful children, a lovely home and I'm happy. I still look pretty damn good too. And the girls who went to school with me who were mean are mostly fat now x

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  • Yes, it sure does.

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  • Yep, it gets better. The majority of us grow up in the bitchy aspect and I never face that sort of treatment any more

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