Why do guys show interest then withdraw back and fowards! help!?

I have been dating a guy for a few months. for a few days he is really warm and always texting me being sweet etc then we catch up and we have a really bonding fun time then the next couple of days he is kind of cold and makes me feel needy because i keep expecting the same level of interest as the previous days. this pattern constantly repeats. it drives me insane. why is he being like this. after we catch up why does he withdraw from me!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Inarguably, many of guys have been burned and left treating their wounds after giving women their undivided attention and/or after expressing a high level interest in them prematurely. Before women understood and knew them.

    Learning from and attempting to correct their mistakes, many guys intentionally avoid acting upon their true feelings with their women or with women whom they want to date to avoid being labeled as sweet, sensitive, or mushy for a lack of a better word, by women.

    With that being said, I'm assuming he withdraws from you for these very reasons. He wants to avoid giving you the impression that he is a "sweet guy." After all, many sweet guys seem to get the wrong end of the stick with women.

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    • well he does act sweet thats the thing. half of the time. and when i start to feel comfortable that he likes me and act sweet back he becomes cold. so then i feel stupid and needy for being sweet so i stop being sweet and act mean and thats when he starts being sweet when im being mean to him. then the second im nice again he is mean to me! i get what you are saying. but if he was scared he would be consistently scared not half sweet. then cold once i want to be sweet too. its like making me think what does he want from me?

    • Show All
    • *Keep you guessing* to correct my last comment. I can only assume. Ideally, if he is not dating you consistently in addition to texting you and/or attempting to be exclusive with you, then it's a possibility that he is stringing you along. However, it could also mean that he wants to take things slow with you. In either case, you aren't aware of his true intentions with you. Ask him what's his deal and why he runs hot and cold? Don't tolerate the nonsense.

    • he is the one who wanted to be exclusive not me. it is like him initiating everything. i sense he wants to take things slow. but i can't take this hot and cold thing. i feel he uses the word he is busy too conveniently. like is someone really that busy but sitting on Facebook that they can't text you its more that he doesn't want to sometimes and thats ok but its always really extreme like always hot or quite cold changes half of week he is one way nad the other.

What Guys Said 4

  • He probably doesn't want that much attention. He could even be bi polar. Not all guys will act this way. I may have some grumpy days be I'm normally pretty consistent.

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    • but then why half the time does he act like he wants that much attention. then when i want to give it i feel needy for doing so

    • Maybe his feelings change
      Maybe his moods fluctuate
      Maybe he wants to feel special
      I don't know and it's hard to go by this basic description without seeing his behavior.

  • He's trying not to get too close. He's afraid he'll be hurt or rejected in some way. It's kinda like asking someone out. You build up confidence, say you're gonna ask him out, and then you change your mind at the last second. Over and over until finally one of your friends shoves you right into him. Then you have no choice. Let him know he can trust you.

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  • He's got that polar thing where he switches back and forth. He's not sure and keeps jumping to the otherside of the fence back and forth. Just be patient with him or break up with him if you can't handle it. but make sure you talk to him about it

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  • Cos we get bored when we get things.

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    • is there a way to stop him from doing this

    • Yep. Dont talk him too much, Only text when he text you first. Dress sexy, Look more hot, dont be afraid to cancel meetings with him and use excuses that he would get is a lie, Dont give him much attention and also Talk him about your other guy friends too. I let you in the #brocode. Use it wisely

What Girls Said 1

  • Gets bored after being intimate it's like he puts in all the effort and hard work and he's genuinely into you and he's excited about meeting up and seeing you but after he has and has been intimate or spent a substantial amount of time with you he feels he's kind of done his part and he's satisfied now until your next meeting so he's on like a cool off layed back approach until the excitement and need to see you again kicks in. Read up on the men are like elastic band theory, tells you a lot about why they do this.

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