I've been dating a guy knowing I could never marry him?

My family is very religious but I'm not at all I still believe in god though. I've been dating this amazing guy for over a year now but I knew from the start nothing could ever come out of it in the end because he's from a different religion. If my dad got to know about this back home (I live in a different country came here for education) he'll probably go ballistic he's fucking crazy I'm 100% sure he'll threaten to kill my mom hell he might actually do it apart from that my whole family from my mothers side will disown me completely I don't even need them but it's just my mom I'm worried about I love her and she is my world and I can't believe I've actually done I mean I've known how my family would react yet I still chose to date the guy and lead him on. He was talking about marriage two days ago and I finally told him the truth and he flipped out and I understand what I've done is so wrong lead him on knowing nothing could come out of it in the end but damn I really love this guy and I don't think there's anyone better out there for me than him. He's pretty mad at me and I don't know what I should do I'm torn between the love of my life and my moms safety somebody help me!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to make a choice between family and yourself. It sounds like you are very torn and you have to think about several things. Having grown up in a religious background myself I understand how psycho it can make people.

    how important is religion to you? Do you want to raise your family with those values when you have children? It sounds like you may not be so religious yourself considering you dated outside the tradition. That is fine but you have to remember that when a family is very religious they are sadly close minded most of the time. Leaving religion also means leaving them sometimes.

    Also remember that love is a feeling. Think about what you want in a future and what kind of family you want. The divorce rate is higher for mixed marriages because love is nice but it fades and changes and then all you are left with is your differences which cause clashes. Many people fall in strong deeply infatuated love and then it fades and they never considered how incompatible they are outside the feelings and hormones. A lasting marriage is about shared values and goals compromise negotiation and harmony.

    At the end of the day it's only you who will stare back at you in the mirror. You have to make the choices that are right for you. You can't be responsible for your parents forever. You have to do what's right for you no matter what it is because at the end of the day living your life for others and stifling yourself is awful. You only live once. Best of luck.

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What Guys Said 4

  • This is way too serious for a page like this. If you ever make up with the guy you need to seriously sit down and think out a plan, I don't know if it could involve the law of your respective country and whatever else but… Im not that sure anybody on here could be of my help.

    Best of luck.

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  • You're religious family appears to be psychotic. I hope it's the religion that clouds their judgement.

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  • phoebe dated whats his name on friends knowing he never wanted to marry. didn't they break up?

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  • If you're not willing to confront your family for your boyfriend, you shouldn't have dated him in the first place. What you've done is selfish and coward. If you fear for your mom's safety, talk to the police.

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What Girls Said 1

  • When my husband from Egypt, who three years ago had found me on Facebook , asked me to fly over and meet his family and marry him, I knew what I was getting myself into. And so did he. He comes from a strict Muslim family, and I am a Christian girl, but no matter what they wanted for him, it was what Mohamed wanted for himself, and that was---ME. They fell in love with with me instantly, treating me as though I were this princess from Whales, and had no problems in us tying the knot. However, he and I encountered a few problems with our long distance relationship, due to my choice, and we are currently separated for now. But it had nothing to do with religion.
    You need to get your life in order, for you are over 21, and have a right to have your own life and make your own decisions. If you let your father control every move you make, then you will remain an old spinster until the day he dies. Take the bull by the horns, and calm this savage beast.
    Keep your man who loves you, and somehow, find a way for you both to fly out and sit down with him and the family when the time comes to tell them about your marriage plans. I see this MUST be discussed, so there is no "bloodshed" or "bad blood" in your family. If they all threaten to "disown" you, don't worry. Many parents say that, and later, after all is said and done, they Do eventually come around, if they want to see their child again and any grandchildren as well. For now, keep calm, be cool, and don't stir up anything that doesn't need to be stirred at the moment.
    It's respectful and decent to love and respect your family, but there comes a time And a line limit, after you are of age, that you have to cut the apron strings and stand on your own two feet. If you don't start to do this Now, you will never have a husband, never have a life, and someday when they are dead and buried, you will find yourself alone, wondering to yourself: "What happened to my life?"
    Good luck, sweetie.xx

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