How long will it take for my broken heart to mend?

I am 21 and my ex girlfriend/first love/ first everything who I was with for over a year broke up with me over the phone abruptly with no closure. I gave her everything I had and I do not even know the reasons. I am suspecting it was another guy. I was devastated and heart broken. It has been 6 months and I have had no contact. I no longer have feelings for her, but I have this attachment inside of me and it just won't go away. I do not want to be with her, but I still feel hurt and pain so I do not want another girl either. I feel stuck. Will this feeling ever go away. Every night it holds me captive as I lay in bed thinking about everything I have given and where to start next. Please any advice or experience

Updates:
@Mario1321 yes I got sexual with her because she wanted that and she wanted me to be more aggressive. But I only did it because I thought she truly loved me. I find physical intimacy extremely special and now I regret it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have had this feeling before. I didn't want him but then I felt I couldnt be without him. I had never gotten over heartbreak before. He dumped me randomly after a year and a half for another woman. It left me quite numb for a while. It took me 6 months to feel 90% better. Then I met my current ex who I went out with for 2 years. It ended and I did not feel numb but still heartbroken because I loved him and we couldnt be together. Its been 5 moths since that I feel a lot better but still a bit lovesick sometimes. All in all I say if the relationship lasted 1-2 years. It takes a good 6 months to feel 90% better. If it hasn't been that long. Give yourself a break. don't be hard on yourself. move foward and trust me I thought I could never feel love again or the feeling would never go away but it did. I never feel love feelings for my first love now after falling in love with my 2nd love. and the feelings were harder to develop the 2nd time but when they did it was more powerful than the first. So I guess. give it at least 6 months. to feel 90% better. Then the 10percent love sickness will remain with you until you fall in love again. That is what I have discovered from my own experience and from talking to others. even if you don't fall in love again soon 10 percent is not that hard to deal with. especially compared to what you probably are feeling now. head up. it will get better. it will! you just have to not feel helpless and think it won't. a positive mind will produce a positive result =)

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What Girls Said 5

  • Similar things happened to me 8 months ago. I am around your age, got dumped by my first boyfriend, who got distant out of nowhere then broke up with me, only because I was sick of him being distant and won't tell me what's going on but mixed signals then I called, and he originally planned to let it fade away instead of telling me it's over. I thought I did my best to make him happy, though towards the end I start feeling like he didn't try his best to care about me (prob I read into things too much) and bickered. It hurts like hell, and I still can't really stop myself from thinking about how I may have screwed up by bickering, being dramatic or insecured and caused him leaving me.

    I guess in the end only time helps. Her being your first and you are not totally not prepared for the BU makes it worse. but at the same time, go spend time with your family and friends, pick up a new hobby, go out and meet new people. Tell yourself that you dont want to see yourself 1 year after the BU you are still obsessed with your ex while she prob being very happy and moving on with her life. Give some other people who will love you and want to stay in your life their chances. When your ex pops up in your mind, tell yourself to stop thinking about her, resist the urge to.

    you will meet a lot of new people. Be thankful for the stuff you learn from this relationship. You learn what you are good at, what kind of relationship suits you and what you need to work on, so that you will be able to find someone who's more compatible with you, and know how to make one last when that happens. Dont let the pain bring you down, but let it make you into a stronger person so that you can face all the upcoming challenges in your life.

    It's not easy I know lol. but I know that in the end we will be alright

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    • And "living well is the best revenge", I know it sounds cheesy. but this is how I try to keep myself focused on my finals, because I know once I graduated and got a job, I will be much better off or successful than him. It sounds evil but it does help lol

  • Its different for everyone so there is no right or wrong answer here. Without any explanation to why she broke up with you it makes it even harder to move on. You are young and there are more fish in the sea. I just recently got dumped by a guy I was with for a year and we lived together with out a explanation and I am finding it hard to move on. I don't want him back because of the mean things he had said during the breakup. your first love is always the hardest one to get over. Figure out why you love her so much and what you don't like about her and try and move on. Hangout with friends and people who care about you.

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  • Breakups aren't easy for either party. The healing process varies from person to person. I broke up with my ex last January. I wanted nothing to do with men for a while, but I think I'm ready to date again when the right guy comes along. Just let yourself go through the healing process. Don't rush anything, do what feels natural and right.

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  • Time heals all wounds I am still trying to get over my first love even though he was emotionally abusive towards me.

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  • I was in a relationship similar and it took me a year to fully recover.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Can take days, weeks, months or years; it all depends on how strong he/she/you felt for their departed s/o.

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  • Did you ever do anything to her you regret

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