So confused and upset I don't know how to handle this situation?

I was doing some spring cleaning at my boyfriends house while he was at work to surprise him. I dismissed his usual maid and wanted to do it myself because it is our 4 month anniversary. Most people don't take me as a wife material so I wanted to prove him and them wrong. I was cleaning up his room and when I was cleaning up his desk I found a picture of his ex in a bikini posing next to him. It is a dated photo I can tell. In his trash I found wads of tissues I guess he was jerking off to her. I looked more into his room and found I assume her underwear and lingerie in a box along with a photo album and her things. I obviously am upset at what I found because he left her for me. He told me he never thought of her. He works late shift so he will be coming home around 10 or later. I don't know if I should confront him or just pretend I never came over.

Updates:
So I confronted him but he turned the tables on me and said I shouldn't be invading his privacy and yelled at me. He never directly answered the question on why keep her things and was angered by the fact I wanted to throw them out. Help):

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Weellll even I have a box of stuff that belongs to my ex, or photos of us. Nothing is wrong with keepsakes unless it looks like he's totally stalking her Since its your anni I wouldn't bring it up. Just be loving towards him. Chances are those Kleenex... If they really smell like u know... He was looking at p*rn. Normally just bikinis don't get guys off anyways. Unless he's withholding a lot or never in the mood then I'd worry

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    • It was you know. It looked sorta fresh too... HE NEVER wants to have sex with me. NEVER. I initiate it and he doesn't want to.

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    • I came by his house today to check if he was there guess who answered the door! His ex in his t shirt. Asshole. I dumped his lying ass she can have him for all I care now.

    • awww mann... I'm really sorry to hear that... Yeah... Curiousity kills the cat (cliché hah) that is exactly what I did too. Go to my bf's house and wake up to him bringing a female "friend" home
      I think we have just lost hope for good guys. I mean maybe they are out their and they don't appeal to girls like is. I don't know why but I love bad boys who are a little elusive

What Guys Said 3

  • who cares? Go live your own life, screw him, screw the town he lives in screw it all, its all bs and leave it at that

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  • yeah sounds like he is avoiding it, I'd say goodbye and too bad

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  • Deffinately confront him! It sounds like he his playing around on you

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't know girl... We have a saying here that goes.. Don't do bad things that seem right and don't do good things that seem wrong. You going through his things was a very nasty detail. I wouldn't want my boyfriend cleaning up my bedroom not because he found anything I don't want to show him, but because it's my space. Your bedroom is really the only space in the world that you control, it's your most intimate space where you cry, where you talk on the phone, where you rest, jerk off, dream... you did very wrong at invading this space regardless if you thought this was a "nice" detail. However nice, you knew there were chances of finding stuff you didn't like, just like it would be if he, supported by a good intention, went through your phone with the purpose of giving it good maintenance and improve its performance... and suddenly found out that you have a recent conversation with an ex. You knew you were going to find something.

    For all that, you should apologize. Immediately. You should apologize and acknowledge (to him) that this will strain the trust between you and that you're extremely sorry for thinking that could be a good idea (you can probably come up with a reason why you think it would be nice). You should underline the fact that you respect him and something like this won't happen ever again.

    Now, about the other girl. However sorry you seem about invading his space, do also tell him to be honest with you and that what you've seen cannot be unseen and it is better to know what's going on in his head and heart than just continue like nothing happened. Tell him to tell you the truth. Why is he keeping material that doesn't go well with your relationship? That photo with the ex in bikini, that box with her stuff is just too much. Tell him you respect his past, and tell him to respect your present and if you're going to have to put up with that crap, it's better to know it right now. He has every right to be mad, but so do you, and even more.

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  • You have a damn good reason to be mad. tell him how you feel. but first you may want to ask him just so you know for sure. then you can get mad!!! go full out HULK girl. If he's dating you he is saying "I think I may want to be with you forever" but when he cheats its lying about maybe loving you and he just wants to have woman laying beneath him. Tell him Hazel is made at him and if a complete stranger is made at him he must be in trouble. :)

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    • Thank you Hazel and will do! It makes me feel like a loser in a way and it lowered my self esteem. She was a curvy girl and tiny. Big breasts and butt but had a flat stomach. I in the other hand... I'm taller, very skinny and lanky. It makes me feel like I'm not sexually appealing to him):

    • He most likely wanted a smart sweet girl at day. a hourglass shape at night.

  • Dump his ass. That's terrible. If you are finding this four months in there is no telling what he will do in the future. while you invading his space is a reason to be upset he shouldn't turn this around on you to get out of it. That's a cop out.

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  • Leave, he will leave you for someone else just like he left her for you.

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  • Well he lied to you. Grounds for termination.. he's still into his EX and he's a liar. You can't trust him.

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    • Why would he still be into her if he left her for me? My self esteem is lowered by a lot ):

    • He's also into you.. and you're all "new and shiny" A.K.A. the new girl.. but that doesn't mean he's not also still into her. I think you should only be in a relationship if you're fully committed.

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