Are "bad" girls or promiscuous/flirty girls possible to date?

So I'm a pretty nice guy, I'm a little shy but for some reason I tend to draw in the attention of promiscuous or "bad" girls. I know who and what they are before I meet them. They all fall in love with me once I open up with them. The relationships tend to move way to fast. They always say stuff like I'm the best person they've ever met, that I make them really happy, that I'm amazing in bed, and eventually say I love you... The sex is always fantastic and most of them love the fact that I'm a freak in bed like they are.

But then ALWAYS, they cheat on me about 4 months in, usually right after they say "I love you". And their excuse is always because they are afraid and they tend to push the people that they really care about away. All three "bad" girls that I've dated have had a plethora of emotional problems. Is it just impossible to date these girls till they solve their emotional problems first?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My gut is you need to be more controlling. I also understand that you want to help them through their emotional problems not exploit them, and i'd be doing the same thing.

    But I think you probably need to recognize that they're not actually in a healthy enough place to have a relationship where responsibility is 'even'. You need to be in charge, they need to meet your expectations for them, and then they get rewarded with approval. And they will sometimes start straying out of line and you need to come down hard (I do not mean physically). And they may bolt anyway.

    Think of them in some ways (non pedophile ways...) as children who need a safe environment to feel cared for that also has clear rules and boundaries so they can feel safe too. Don't let them throw tantrums or get away with things, it actually makes them feel worse. They want to feel like you can handle all the shit they'd throw at you, because that's what makes them feel you can handle all the shit the world would throw at them.

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What Girls Said 2

  • It is possible to date them if you're sure they won't cheat on you. You can help them with their emotional problems or talk about it with a professional, but if they cheat on you and keep doing it, it's useless. If you're not good enough then you should end it. But dont give up, it doesn't mean that EVERY "bad" girl will cheat on you.

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    • I do help them with their emotional problems, and make them feel comfortable. Usually after a couple months they tell me they were in an abusive relationship etc... I feel like I just need to create space in a relationship with these girls because it always moves way to fast.

    • Maybe you should make sure it doesn't move fast? I know it's hard, I know it seems impossible, but isn't it worth trying? Next time when you meet a girl like this, try waiting a week with sex instead of a day, for example. Or warn her ahead and tell her that if she's planning to cheat on you she can get her ass outa here

  • I think it's possible if she's a reformed bad girl.

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What Guys Said 1

  • 1. You seem to have a pre written fate line here :)
    2. Not all 'promiscuous' girls are flooded with emotional problems but seems like you come across those who have them
    3. First step is accepting them for what they are
    4. If what they are doing is out of free will and bereft of emotional problems I won't have a problem with that
    5. But if the promiscuity arises from emotional problems she'll destroy the best of relationships she can ever have because of it.
    6. I'd work on that first but subtly while my expectation is she lose her emotional baggage it won't be to stop her being herself i.e. if she's confident and then wants to be promiscuous for the pleasure of it I won't have a problem there. If it's in someone's nature and stuff no point in trying to imbibe 'morality' into them
    7. After knowing & acknowledging all the above, yes they can very much be dated, loved etc :)

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    • Well the one I just got out of the girl had hooked up with 8+ guys in 5-6 months. She wouldn't tell me the number I just know from what I've heard about. Her number was 2 before that and one time she was freaking out about how good she used to be and how she just lets guys use her body now. Most guys knew this and just hit her and quit it. I stuck around so she appreciated it. But at the same time I feel like that's why she lost interest. She seems to respond to rejection more than approval. I still love her but as of Friday we are just "friends". I told her I couldn't be just friends because of how i felt about her and said we should stop talking for a while. She then hit me up every day since then and we've hung out once with no physical contact what so ever. She was actually showing me pictures of guys she had hung out with that weekend... I Feel like I have to create space and reject her.

    • It seems to be a classic case of her having a low self esteem and a tendency to like being abused because of that. If you want to keep her then you need to be a player even when you are there's no guarantee she won't go around seeking emotional solace with other men citing her man is a player or abuses her etc.

      You either understand her and live with it or you get out of it completely :)

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