How can I ever find someone given my circumstances?

How am I meant to have a normal relationship that actually works out if I've been unwell most of my life. I'm trying to be something and make something of myself, but it is also hard when I'm still not 100% feeling that well. I have chronic fatigue and anxiety. They impact me a fair bit. My panic attacks I don't get often, but there are certain things that trigger my panic attacks. My health is what ruined my last relationship. I'm trying to change and make things better. I do recieve treatment for my anxiety and have for years. But How can I possibly ever have a normal relationship and find someone who is understanding? I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

Not only that, I feel like I have to compete with other girls who are well more on the healthy side. They're better than me in looks, in everything. I try not to show to guys how I really feel about myself. And with today's online dating there is so many options for guys out there. So how is it possible to find someone under all these circumstances?

Updates:
And if I meet someone, do I tell them I have anxiety after a few dates or just not tell them? :(

0|0
2|7

Most Helpful Guy

  • From just a question on here it would be hard to know all of what is going on. So I can not address specific issues very well. I know people that are unable to have normal romantic relationships because of health/physical issues. Some will probably never have any romantic relationships. But believe me, their health issues are far worse than yours! I can see that you have problems that seem almost impossible to overcome, but I feel sure that you can go on to have a life with relationships that is very satisfying to you, even if they are not "perfect".

    Let me tell you about dealing with your problems from my standpoint, which is not going to be the same as everyone's but many out there are like me. Assuming we were getting close, I could deal with a lot of things, as long as I know about them before being surprised by them, so if you are getting serious with a guy, let him know what could happen and make sure he understands what he can do to avoid triggering anything. Guys like myself are not perfect at overlooking everything and being totally understanding, but if we know what we are dealing with, we can do pretty well.

    Why would a guy spend his time with such a "high maintenance" girl? Because we found other good things that we want to be with. Figure out what your interesting points are, what you are interested in, etc., then concentrate of showcasing them. Let your attractive features outshine the not so good ones.

    Every girl, even the healthiest, prettiest, most self confident girls will find that there are other girls that have them beat. But they don't worry about them, just keep yourself as upbeat and interesting as you can.

    There are probably support groups near you for people with your conditions. Investigate them. The people in them have found some of the answers and share them with each other, including where to find the guys who hold promise for you.

    1|0
    0|0
    • By the way, if you want to talk more, or ask something you would not do publicly, you can message me. If I don't get back to you shortly, I am busy and will respond when I can.

    • Thank you for MH. :-)

What Guys Said 6

  • I have multiple mental health problems that affect my life quite a lot. I met my partner a few weeks after coming out of the mental ward due to suicide attempt. She fell in love with me and she endured months of fighting my urges and horrible moods, I cry when I am told how I was as I cannot remember it. She sacrificed so much to help me survive even accepted she would not win just wanted me to stay a little longer and enjoy a few times before I did it.

    I fell in love with her and she genuinely saved my life. She shares most of my mental health issues and has a horrific past but is higher functioning to her psychiatrists amazement. She helps me deal with my health and when she breaks down I try to with her then she goes back to helping me as I'm low functioning. Her already intimate knowledge helps a lot and she can read me very well so can usually help before I get too bad.

    If I hadn't went out looking to get drunk I would not have met this stranger who endured my vile moods to save me. You won't be alone forever. Finding someone with at least a bit of experience will help a lot, considering 1 in 4 people will suffer mental health problems in their life time you are not too limited.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hi Sweet, you have made the best start. You are seeking a solution. Good that you retain a healthy discontent for the way things are. I suggest you firstly remove thoughts, fears and concerns about finding a partner. This is wasted energy because if you spend time transforming your mind-set, you will attract someone to you anyway. Much of what you speak of already hints that you are attracting problems due to your thinking and choice of language. You can become an expert on any subject that you decide. May I suggest that you become interested in Science of Mind. Read a book or two and you will be set on a path where trying to find a partner will be the least of your concerns. From the comfort of your room you can commence the transformation and re-generation of life and you can strive to become the type of person who will be in demand. Your problems are only temporary. You go girl. Best wishes.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you can get help from a church. find a friend who goes and follow them. church is a place to help.

    if you trust God, He will always make it happen.

    0|0
    0|0
  • well, when ever you feel like you're at your worst, just remember, there's always someone else worse out there, still single as well. for example, not only is my cousin wheelchair ridden for the rest of her life, but she suffers from a blood disease called osteonecrosis, which is a blood clot in her leg that is really bad. it was all caused my medical mal practice, a routine root canal

    0|0
    1|0
  • better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • If someone loves you as a person, for who you are, they will not leave because of something physical, or even emotional unless of course you're trying to kill them lol Trust me i know because my husband married me even though he knows i suffer through some pretty serious anxiety and such, and yes it may bother him, but not enough to ever give up what we have. And those people, the ones who will love you and not give up on you, are the ones who will also be more patient and easy going through the dating process and not just immediately write you off when they find out what you're going through. You'll meet a lot of shitty guys, but if you look hard enough and have some faith, you'll meet a lot of great guys along the way. I know that sounds kinda cheesy but it really is true. I never thought there would be anyone in the world like my husband, because he's perfect for me, but yet there he was in just the right place at just the right time. I wish you the best :)

    1|0
    0|0
    • Thank you I guess it's hard to see things positively. Having a partner isn't what I'm mainly focused on but of course it affects me because I would like to get married one day..and my ex have up on me so I guess I feel every other guy will too.

  • I don't know what to say to that, but if it has to do a situation (meeting in a crowd etc) and with him, then that's time to let him know.

    Even the seemingly perfect people also have their weaknesses. But concentrate on yourself first. It's about you working to improve yourself and your condition, rather than what the rest of the girls out there.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...