Girl asked for my patience. I'm not sure how much more I have. Is it her responsibility to let me know what's going on in her head?

I've been dating a girl for 2 months. She asked me to be patient with her because she's not sure her feelings match mine. There was no suggestion of ending things; just slowing things down and getting to know each other better. She needs to figure out if she wants something more serious with me. I understand that; not everyone moves at the same pace. That was a couple weeks ago. I've tried my best to respect her needs because she made a point to talk about them with me. I've not contacted or asked to see her as much. It's tough for me because I don't feel right dating other people yet, and I want to give her the time she needs to sort out her feelings, but I'm also unfulfilled. And again she still hasn't asked to end things. When I text her she responds quickly (often within a couple minutes). We've been to dinner twice and I've spent the night each time. So it's not like she's blowing me off, and when we're together it's great. I don't feel she's leading me on, but how much time should she need, you know? Since she clearly wants to dictate the pace right now and the ball's very much in her court, do I need to let her come to me about what's next? It feels too soon for ME to bring it up, and since she altered our dynamic isn't it her responsibility to follow through one way or the other? I don't want to pressure her or potentially blow this since she was honest enough to tell me her feelings. Would love advice on this...thank you!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • she is either scared of commitment, or she doesn't have truly "deep" feelings for you and thinking on how to tell you. I would just ask her about it. You seem really kind to have that kind of patience...you must really like her. so if you really like her then just tell it like it is. Very often you guys have to be the initiators in conversations like this, because we women have a tendency to beat around the bush, or push stuff off. I would suggest contacting her, maybe face to face, so you can see facial expressions. Maybe she's insecure and doubts how she will be in the relationship. You never know. hope this helps!

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    • That helps a lot, thank you! You're correct I do really like her...and she really liked me, too. This change came about rather quickly, so maybe she just felt overwhelmed. When she first brought up slowing things down, she said it was a big relief to get it off her chest. She also told me about past relationships that have made it difficult for her to trust. These were things she's told VERY few people. So I know she trusts me, but I can see this causing the fear of commitment you mentioned. Or if she wants to end things it's too bad she can't be respectful and mature enough to just tell me. This makes it all the more insulting and awkward. But I guess that would reveal something about her. I need someone stronger than that. All that said, I'm going to give this a little more time. When I ask about getting together this week we'll see what she says. She's never once said no since I met her!

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    • Thank you for the kind words :) Yeah, it's usually for the best and a blessing in disguise when something ends. Clearly I wasn't as perfect for her as she told me a few weeks in. That was a mini red flag, for example. She went from that to "I need some space" in about 2 weeks!

      Anyway, I'm going to take some time to recharge. Obviously it's hard to think this right away, but I know something and someone better will come along soon :)

    • Indeed! Keep that positive mindset :) Good Luck To you!

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