Is this normal? I am literally losing faith in guys...?

I've heard girls say that they have lost faith in guys before, and that there aren't any good ones and all, but I've always firmly believed the good ones were all flying under the radar, while girls went for the bad boys. For that reason, I've always been attracted to the underdogs and nerds, and the ones that get picked on, and the honestly sweet guys that don't get looked at much by girls.

The problem is, I just watched SEVERAL of those guys turn bad. One guy cheated on me, one turned out to be way less sweet than I thought, and I've seen the same thing happen to good friends. The nastiest jerks are pulling off the "sweet" facade now.

I'm not saying there aren't any good guys out there, because I know that's not true, but I am losing faith that I'll ever find one. :( How long does this last? I don't want to be single forever!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know how you feel. I'm having the worst luck finding a good girl. Don't lose faith. Just keep trying and never give up. :)

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What Guys Said 16

  • I have been alone for sixteen years. You could say I have been alone for thirty- four.

    It is easy for me to look at all the whores, the loose, pathetic and bitter females who hurt me so badly, and say that all women are garbage. In fact, I did say that for a number of years.

    But recently God has helped to open my eyes, and to look past the emotional scarring. It's weak minded to stereotype an entire sex based on a few of your own personal experiences, and perceived observations.

    Were you listening to your instincts when you got involved with those guys? Your instincts are telling you exactly what types of guys these are- and *exactly* what they want. But you are ignoring them, because you are allowing yourself to be swept away in emotion.

    Stop it.

    Take some time to analyze the guy who is wooing you, or whatever. I am sorry you got cheated on. That's miserable. But the signs were there- you just chose to ignore them. No one who dedicates his entire being to loving his woman is going to go out and cheat on her- nobody. Unless she has scorned him and denied him for so long, he is loving a cold, dead fish.

    Don't lost faith. There IS a guy out there for you. But you might have to wait as long as me, and that's almost twenty years of being completely alone. Of being hit on by the wrong women. (Married women)

    If you know God, ask Him to bring the man to you and BE PATIENT. It is going to be agonizing, waiting for him. It is going to be the most unpleasant thing you may have ever done. But it is worth it, and he is out there. Don't give up. You are going to be okay.

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    • the problem is, I've never fully allowed myself to give in to emotion. With the last disaster, I analyzed him with my list of things that I need in a husband. Christian, a spiritual leader, kind to strangers/children/animals/etc., and he completely passed the test. NOBODY expected him to be a cheater. What signs are you talking about that were supposedly there? I met him in a christian club where we prayed together, and he told me all about how he was a family man, and couldn't wait to be a daddy someday, and I believed him. My gut instinct was to trust him, and even still it took almost a year to start really trusting him.

    • How about coldness? That little chill you KNOW you felt- but that he smooths over with his personality? A disconnect your instincts are telling you IS there. Instinct never lies. I have news for you- I am a Christian. I am aware of nonbelievers, and DOUBLY and TRIPLY aware of people call themselves believers. Not everyone who calls himself a Christian is allowing Jesus to govern his heart.

    • God does not leave you defenseless. He is constantly talking to you. but what He says sometimes smacks what your heart is feeling, and you just do not want to believe it. Ask God, pray, for direction and guidance. Beg Him for a still spirit- so you can hear His voice. Follow His voice! It will lead you to the man that He has for you. But don't think it'll come tomorrow. I often shake my fist at God because I am so lonely. I don't feel it is fair to have to wait so long, while nonbelievers get drunk with passion. But I know deep down, that my heart is being remade from the years of abuse I suffered, and twisted me. I am not right, yet, for a woman. I see it. Doesn't mean I like it. God's plans are the best for us, but their price tag is often heavy: We must wait. Keep yourself in prayer. You will be fine.

  • Are you really surprised? Although 50% or more of men will never cheat in their life, they aren't the men that women find attractive.
    Look at it like this:If you're looking for a man who is
    1./above average height
    2./above average looks (handsome face, or whatever)
    3./above average physical condition, fit, healthy etc.,

    you've just excluded 88% of men.What are 12% of the men going to do, when they have 100% of the women chasing them? They can afford to piss of 7 out of 8 women, and they've still got company.That's how it works.
    Somewhere in the other 88% of men who are in some way below average (but only in looks), you're very likely to find one who's intelligent, talented and reliable.He might even have a big cock, because looking attractive has nothing to do with that.As long as women are superficial, they're unlikely to meet these men.

    I'll put it to you that it could be less that 10% of men who are doing this unfaithful shit, and almost 100% of women are giving them the power to do it.

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    • well, number 1 is something I don't care about. I've liked guys shorter than me. (and I'm not very tall...) I won't lie and say number 2 doesn't matter at all, but I don't need ABOVE average looks. More like, something about an average looking guy generally attracts me. Maybe he's not much to look at, but something about his eyes or something attracts me. and for 3, I don't need above average. I won't generally be attracted to someone who is say, obese, but I'd rather he just be average. big muscles make me uncomfortable...

  • I totally understand what you are saying. Im just giving you a thought, that is all. Im not saying any of those guys you dated were good at all (especially the cheater) but one you have to remember is there will never be someone that is 'perfect'. Everyone has some personality flaw that you will not like. You just have to accept that and love them anyway. Seriously, there are things I don't like about myself so how could I expect someone else to like them? Im not saying you are doing this in any way, it is just one idea. I don't know you or anything about the guys you dated so there is no way I could know. Don't lose faith and keep trying, there are good ones out there and there is at least one for you prob more.

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  • I think we all go through times when we lose faith in the opposite sex. My father was a good man (alas my mother got to him before you were born...and now he's dead). My brother is a good man. My friends are good men, flawed just like the rest of us, but on the whole they are good men.

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  • Forget about bad boys and nice guys. It's bullshit. Look at people as PEOPLE. They don't always fit the stereotype ascribed to them by society.

    Don't look for the best way around what you expect the bad guys to be. Just... see a guy for who he is and go for what you like. That obviously won't protect you from being hurt, but there are billions of men living on earth; to think you're going to find one who fits perfectly after 3 or 4 tries isn't the most sensible thing in the world.

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  • I am sorry. It seems like you are having bad luck.

    There are tons of sweet guys out there. I know this because I am one of them.

    I courrently don't have a gf but i know if I did that i would treat her with love and respect. I would kiss her everyday, hold her hand when she is scared, cuddle with her for love

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  • Interesting insight.

    I think it might just be that the jerk is the inevitable end result for all guys. If a "good" guy gains confidence and experience, he transforms naturally.

    That said, even the jerk is only a transitional phase. The final end is a balanced grey.

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    • I don't know if I like that... I'd expect anyone to have issues, but I know there are guys out there that never go completely bad. Problem is, they are all married.

    • Exactly. That was the point I left out. If you want to keep a good guy frozen in good state, you have to marry him forever. It's repeated breakups that damage people. It's the same for girls.

  • What is sweet anyways? Girls have always liked me, even the ones I have argued with on occasion. I have always been a sweet guy, it's just my nature.

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    • I'm not being super picky with "sweet"... I've dumbed it down to basically mean, "he won't cheat on me, become abusive, or treat me like garbage." I don't expect like flowers every weekend and a good morning text every day or whatever girls think "sweet" is nowadays.

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    • HA! agreed.

    • I say it like it is! Mmmm hmmmm!

  • Writhe in despair! Your prince is dead!

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  • Hey, it's tough for all of us and that's just how life is. It's not easy. The trick is, don't give up and don't lose faith.

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  • those guys weren't used to be like that, they used to be nice until they weren't getting laid decided to go bad since most girls love bad boys...The good ones are still around, but got to dig deeper to find them.

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  • I am losing faith in girls

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  • I am losing faith in woman too, kalrodkal. they are such a bunch of whingeing losers. if thirer are "good guys" out there they will have zero interest in you daniJ

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    • umm... care to define "whingeing?"

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    • lol but you think you can judge all men! stupid woman.

    • Did I ever say that I judge all men? I seem to recall saying, "I'm not saying there aren't any good guys out there, because I know that's not true..." this question was not asking if any good guys exist, it is asking about the disappointment I am experiencing based on the guys that have hurt me, if the feeling is normal, and how long it will last.

  • it happens, believe me, many many more men have wondered the same thing.

    though no offense, the fact that "jerk game" gets men laid is not helping your situation.

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  • This is something that both girls and guys go though with the opposite sex. Just don't become one of those bitter ones who never finds happiness in life.

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    • I have to agree with anon guy about the "jerk game" comment. It's tough for guys because, despite all the objections from females on the subject, there's really no question that being nice generally is not an asset to guys in terms of being successful with girls, but being a jerk sure can be. So it's tough for us to know how to behave. Those are generalizations but they are true for the most part.

  • I'm a very good guy as far as I can tell like I'm loving and loyal but I haven't exactly had success with women so I don't even try anymore.

    So there is the possibility a lot of guys who are way better than me are not even out there where you would have a chance to meet them.

    That said odds for meeting your soulmate are very low so you gotta keep tryin

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    • haha yeah... the odds are about 1 in 7 billion, if you believe like I do that God's got him picked out...

What Girls Said 4

  • I'm in the same funk as you are right now. I think I meet nice guys but then they just end up being jerks, and I'm so tired of being used all the time. I guess once you get into this "zone" you won't get out until you meet a guy who's actually nice... so here's to waiting.

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  • I don't understand. Often times, the sweetest guys are right under your nose. My best friend just became my boyfriend, and he definitely falls in the underdog category. He's a sweetheart too, so they do exist. Just hang in there, sweetie. Best of luck.

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    • well, it will take a lot longer than you think to find out if someone is secretly a jerk. I unofficially dated a good friend for about a year. He gave me little pet names, and opened the door for me, and paid my phone bill, and did all these sweet things... then I found out a year later that he was cheating on me.

    • not saying it will be like that for you, but you can see why I'd be wary?

    • That's rough and I feel bad for you. I think you are a victim of circumstance. All guys aren't like that. Just hang in there darling. Or maybe you should give it a break. Play hard to get for a while. Only the really good guys will work for you. Most jerks are lazy. Lol

  • Yeah that sort of thing with the nerdy lowly guys being the good ones by default is something made up by movies and television and books!
    It doesn't ever automatically mean they are all that nice or right for anyone.

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  • It's normal. I lost faith in men a loooonnnnggg time ago. I go for chicks now. They are usually more forthcoming.

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    • Agreed. Girls are way better than guys. Usually their schemes are easily spotted.

    • Not going to deny that haha.. but I find that most women don't even try to scheme with love interests...

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