Do you think you have a responsibility to tell people when you don't want to date them anymore?

So, it happens a lot. People are dating (and I'm talking 3 dates plus)... all seems like its going well.
Then all of a sudden, one of them stops replying to messages or taking calls from the other.

Do you think this is an acceptable way to stop dating someone?

I'm only talking about when there is no official relationship going on, but do you think you still have a responsibility to tell the other person its over - and better yet, why?

  • You can just stop talking to them, you weren't official so there's no need to end anything
    15% (5)9% (3)12% (8)Vote
  • You should tell them, but there's no need to justify any reasons
    29% (10)24% (8)26% (18)Vote
  • You should tell the person and at least give them a brief reason
    56% (19)67% (23)62% (42)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whoa, it's superperve. Last time I saw your name was when you wrote this article-
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a5593-five-feelings-in-a-relationship-you-should-never-ignore

    Geeez, that seemed like awhile back.

    I think the thing with choice 'A', which is what most people would -actually- do these days anyway it seems (even though C is seemingly the nicest thing to do), is that it is the least confrontational choice. It doesn't burn bridges, it doesn't make you liable to explain anything or maybe even liable for your own failings. It's a nice good all-around copout and as long as you never own up to it ("oh my phone was out of battery") then you'll never end up like the bad-guy (or girl, as the case may be). It is a powerful choice because it offers the least risk and liability with the most wiggle room and options, so obviously every selfish dreg out there is going to take it.

    The B vote isn't much nicer, but it is at least polite enough to tell a person to stop wasting their time. One case I can see where the B choice is OK is if the person you were dating was very confrontational ("in a bad way") and they seemed intimidating enough not to talk to. I'd still lay the smack on them because that is how I am, but I can see where a lot of people might shy away from giving reasons to a combative person.

    Then of course C is awesome because you really leave the other person with something they can use to grow (even if some of them won't take it) that their futures might be better, instead of leaving them absolutely nothing to take away from the experience. Of course it is the most confrontational, most likely to offend, and most likely to burn a bridge or two. It is going to piss some people off, but I think a few pissed off people is acceptable on whole for a society that benefits from a culture of growth.

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    • Wow, as if you read that or recognised my tag. Thats cool. Hiii!

      So I'm totally with you on C being confrontational - my only thing there is, if you don't want to see the person anymore - why do you care?

      Lets be honest, I'm asking cause I think I've been dating dumped and I want someone to tell me that he should have at least told me thats whats going on.

    • Thanks for MH. I think to answer 'why would I care' if I am leaving, one reason is the "still value the friendship" card. That would be the big reason. A second reason to take C is reputation management. If I'm going to be dating any of her girlfriends later on I wouldn't want warning advisories about me going out :)

What Guys Said 7

  • Most of us want closure, especially if we're talking a long history. We don't necessarily have to tell the whole truth, but the person deserves to know what happened. For one thing, if you just stop responding, a lot of people will be worried that something happened to you, and will start asking friends, and so forth..

    And other people WILL get angry if you just go silent without an explanation. Maybe they don't have the right to get angry, but who talks about 'rights' in a relationship?

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  • I vote 'C' cause that's not just humane but also being responsible to them but also to your own conscience.

    Not difficult for those ruled by the head and guided by the heart :)

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    • I'm so pleasantly surprised that multiple guys think this. YAY

    • Guys here yes but this question comes along cause quite a few guys do A or B :)

  • That's just rude in my opinion. If there has been more than a few dates the other person deserves to be told. It's not right to just leave them hanging.

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  • I voted B. At least say SOMETHING to the person...being left hanging will only cause bitterness, and if the person is able to be very spiteful, that person may bad mouth you around the town to his friends and acquaintances,

    and that may ruin your ability for future dating practices.

    You reap what you sow.

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    • I voted B over C because although it's polite to break off things...no need to serenade the other person with reasons why when you weren't official to begin with.

  • i would tell them that i go to work and school a i rarely have time for myelf

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  • 1-2 dates and don't know each other outside of that - A

    3+ - B

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    • Agreed - I don't think one or two calls for much but 3+ at least a 'laters, were done here' type (more delicately put) text is required

  • i think its rude to just cut off communication with someone if you dont want anything to do with them. at the very least you could tell them so and maybe even include a reason.

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What Girls Said 8

  • If it's only been a few dates and suddenly they stop replying to my texts etc, it probably wouldn't matter. It might be a little disappointing but such is life. I think I'd actually prefer choice a). I wouldn't want someone telling me why they don't want to date me, it would either seem like a complete lie so i don't feel bad or it would just hurt if they were honest.

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    • Just wanted to add, that if the person kept texting or asked for an explanation you should provide one. But i personally wouldn't need a reason.

  • I think it's necessay to tell the person that you are not interested...but if it was only a few dates I dont think an explanation is needed

    After dating for a prolonged period of time...like a few months then I'md expect an explanation

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    • Yeah, right hey. I don't think you necessarily have to justify yourself other than you aren't interested. Feedback would be nice but not required

  • In the opinion of someone who has been left hanging... It sucks! I'm happily married to this day but i still ponder why the guy I dated before my husband just stopped in the middle of what seemed like a great relationship and we never talked again! It broke my heart and was obnoxiously confusing!

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    • See, my biggest problem with these type of the two guys that have done it to me before - both of them came back to me later apologising or just wanting to try again without explanation (still)

      I think I want to call this guy out on it cause I have nothing to lose, and Ill be pretty pissed if he comes back to me like the last 2 wanting another chance

  • Yes!!! Both parties have put a lot of time and effort in those dates so you owe it to the person. It is just much easier for both to know where we stand. Why make someone waste their time waiting for you, when you know you won't be coming back.

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    • I know right ! And he put a lot of effort which makes me not understand even more. SIGH
      Limbo is awful.

  • FGS! It's definitely a C!

    Of course you should tell them, and if possible explain yourself - ad least somewhat.

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  • Initially I wasn't sure what i'd do but thinking about what i've actually done:
    Between 1-2 dates A
    Post 4 dates C
    I think it's better to say nothing at all or say everything than to give them some 1/2 explanation (B).

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    • Thats a great point - thanks for replying

    • Precisely...say SOMETHING to the guy so he can put that energy towards another girl.

  • If you don't, then who will?
    I think is immature when people do that. People should grow up and tell you straight up.
    I'm sure they wouldn't like it if they do it to them.

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  • Yes, you owe it to them to show them respect and be upfront in telling them that you don't want to see them anymore and give them a reason. It's unacceptable in my book to just stop talking to the person, it's infuriating.

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