How can I get over bitterness over men?

I am so bitter over men because of how I've been treated in the past. And recently two guys I had an interest in have both stuffed me around. So I'm at my witts end. I almost have the feeling of not even wanting to be around any males what so ever. I am unhappy in general but I am so bitter over men it's not funny. And when I talk to one it comes out too, I bicker about how I feel and I try not too but it just comes out. Not only that I don't feel good enough. How can I ever meet a man if I always have this inner anger about men in general? I feel like I'll never let a man in again and I feel so frustrated. I'm sick of their mind games, I'm honestly led to believe they are all the same. And if their not then how am I meant to ever believe anything any of them say, with the mind set that I have?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can totally understand how you feel, I am going through the exact same thing with women and feeling the exact same way and it is showing to women to. It's like you are the women version of me. I also don't feel good enough. You have already taken the first and biggest step by admitting you have a problem. The truth is not all men are like this just like not all women are so both of us need to remember that. The thing is this mind set is only effects the person thinking it, people pick up on negativity and will keep their distance. I know exactly what it is like to have you mind played with and I am also starting to feel all women are the same but the thing is it is not true and we need to remember that. You need to try and change your mind set, I know it's hard and I am struggling to. Have a think to yourself where am I meeting guys? If it is places like night clubs and bars then that is partly your problem. Maybe you should have a break from men and focus on other things that are important to you, maybe have some counseling. Then when your ready try joining some sort of interest group. For example, say your interested in photography, you join a photography club or group. I am not saying you will deferentially meet someone but at least you will have an interest you both share as a conversation starter and the focus will not just be on sex like it is at a night club or bar. You never know you could meet someone you like, that treats you well.

    Hope this helps :)

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What Guys Said 6

  • I'm with Bluemax, I'm sorry that you've had such bad experiences with guys. But equally it's down to you. If you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas feeling like shit. This is not about all men, this about the men that your attracting or that your going for. You need to work on your bullshit radar detector and be able to weed out the jerks far earlier than your doing.

    I sense that you genuinely have a lot of love to give, and because your eager to give it, you may be coming across as a little desperate. Opportunists can smell desperate women from a mile away.

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    • These recent guys seemed genuine though and they're both just messing with my head now. I go for guys that make me laugh but they tend to turn out to be jerks. And I know deep down I'm unhappy and I'm trying to change that, but even I'm not sure I will ever be truly happy before I meet a guy.

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    • And just because I'm unhappy it doesn't mean it's all me..guys can be assholes

    • It's impossible to hide your negativity, people will always pick it up unconsciously. Even trying itself is a presupposition to failure.

      Look, if you put on a pair of glasses that have a red tint to them, everything is going to seem reddish. If I held up 3 pieces of paper infront of you, one baby blue, one white and one pink and told you to find the white piece of paper... You'd struggle to see it.

      You need to figure out how to take off the glasses that your viewing the world out of or you'll find it near impossible to distinguish those who are good for you and those who are bad.
      I don't know what else to say. Guys can be arseholes only if you allow them to be.

  • First of all, I am sorry that you have been screwed with (are you Australian, by any chance? that terms "stuffed" seems to be Australian).

    If you want to begin to get over your bitterness toward men, I think you're going to have to realize that (alas) you will be hurt. Virtually everyone I know has been hurt by the opposite sex. I suppose you could try to look to good men you've known in your life (your father? a brother? an uncle or grandfather? a male friend?) and realize that good men do exist. My own father was a good man. Several of my uncles were good men. Many male teachers I've known were good men. They do exist. The trick is finding one to share a life with.

    You say, "I am unhappy in general" and perhaps that might be telling. You also say "Not only that I don't feel good enough." that might be telling, too. I think perhaps it would help you to work on your happiness and feelings of inadequacy first before you go off to find a good man.

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  • I have received the same treatment from women as well but do I prefer guys? No, thanks - they are good for sports or business only.

    There's always another side to actions and people, be it hard to find sometimes. Focus on that when the past tries to color actions that seem to be hurtful.

    The #1 way to shed more poor experiences with men is to change your male environment. Any new social club &/or neighborhood could be an improvement over your old fishing holes.

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  • find a good one, but grow up first...not to be blunt, but grow up in a healthy way...read Radical Honesty...self help truth be told...

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  • "Man up." Since when does misery solve problems? Find the common denominator and move with hope and purpose.

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  • Can I be totally honest? The problem comes about because, if a man is successful with you, the chances are, he's successful with women all the time. Women's success is like a spectrum, with hardly any women at the extremes. Men's success is polarization. What that means is, if a man is successful with you, he probably doesn't have much incentive to stick with you. Successful men have very little competition.

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