I think I messed up. BAD. Help!?

I met a guy online 2 months ago. We were friends first, which was perfect since I was going through a divorce. We had such a connection, and I began to look forward to talking to him every day. I was long distance for a few weeks, so he told me he'd wait for me to come back. He began calling me baby, and saying he couldn't wait to be mine, and for me to be his. I got caught up. We would talk for hours and texted daily. Then I told him that I felt guilty cause I hadn't let him know about my divorce and that I had kids.
He was shocked, but I told him I didn't expect to get so close to him so fast. It was crazy!
He told me the next day that he thought about it, and that he cared about me so much, and still wanted to date.
I was ecstatic.The first night we met, we got so caught up in finally seeing each other and it was magical. We had sex. He told me the next day that he couldnt stop thinking about me.
I met him again a couple days later, and it was possibly more magical. He would look into my eyes, and tell me how much I meant to him.
A couple days later, I went on a casual date with someone else, and this other guy kissed me. I immediately realized that there was only one guy I wanted to kiss. So I decided to ask about us. I must have worded it in the worst way possible, but I asked if he thought we were in a relationship. I was just curious, but not in any way trying to be pushy.
He finally replied and it was bad. He said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, and mentioned an open relationship, and something about us being friends? I completely overreacted on the phone and cried and said that I guess we were over and that I don't know if I could just be friends. I know I overreacted, and I later texted and apologized. He did as well for freaking out. But now, I don't know if we can go back. Can I fix this? He hasn't texted me in a few days, should I give him time? Should I be the one to tell him I still want him? I don't want to push if he needs space.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a situation where, if you both want to get by it, you'll figure it out. It sounds like there were mistakes on each side. Get together away from any bedrooms and just talk it through. It sounds like you're both pretty high communicators. It's important, from what I can tell, that you listen a LOT more than you talk. If he's as into you as it seems, he'll largely convince himself. Just be honest.

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    • Yeah, I definitely think we both made mistakes. I would like to just talk to him, but I don't know if I should just be the one to say hey, can we talk? He hasn't contacted me at all in about a week.
      But thank you for the honesty tip. I will try my best to just listen as well.

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    • Thank you! You've been very helpful :)

    • My pleasure. Let me know how it goes.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You started the relationship with dishonestly, not telling him major stuff in your life. If I was the guy, I would wonder what else I was going to discover down the road, what other stuff you lied about or omitted.

    Never tell him about the other date, that's sure to end all things.

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    • That's true. I thought about that so much, and I was so sincerely sorry. It was just so weird because we got so close without meeting.
      I got caught up in the whirlwind.
      So you think I should wait for him to approach me, because he could possibly be mad?

  • I see a couple things here. The first he's still married. Going through a divorce, but nonetheless. Second, you didn't come forth with the kids and your divorce and last you went out with another guy and kissed. My thinking here is that you may be as confused as he is about being in a relationship. Look I know first hand how it is when you find someone that seems to spark those deep feelings. Someone that you feel like you can love and want to be with them. I'd suggest giving it some time and allowing things to minimize a bit. Then start with a short "hope you're doing well" text. Nothing strong or open...short and sweet. That will make you feel better knowing that you're letting him know you are still here. Sometimes giving that distance is what's needed when everything is so chaos

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    • This made a lot of sense. I know sometimes we need distance to clear our heads.
      I got so caught up, it was like I was in this emotional fog and I'm even thinking clearer. Thank you :)

What Girls Said 1

  • oh it looks complicated...seems like you both love/care for each other..so why did you go on that casual date and kiss the other dude? weren't you thinking about the one you "love" at this moment? he accepted the fact that you were a mom and a divorced women, its rare (really positive!) to find guys who still like you even though you are in such situation..you should be the one to go towards him to get him back if you really love him that much! And by the way are you really interested with this guy, i.e:to have a relationship (pure love) with him? or are you just seeking him as a support so that to have an emotional support in your life (and feel complete again?)

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    • I went on that other date cause a friend set me up, and I just wanted to humor her. I wasn't really interested, so I just went.
      But I really don't know what I want from this guy, I just know how happy we made each other. He made me smile so much in a really dark time, and he told me I did the same for him. I want to continue to explore what we have. During our little fight (or whatever that was), he did mention that he didn't know if he could get past the kids part, but I don't know if he meant it cause I said some things I didn't mean at all. But, you really think I should be the one to chase him? I don't know how he feels and I don't want to seem desperate or pushy. I texted him a couple times, and he responded right away. But he hasn't texted me first, and now it's been a few days since we've spoken. I miss him a lot.

    • that's a good sign if he responded right...please this time don't go and meet other guys your friend set you up..you and this guy both complete each other and make a great couple...and of top of that you miss him so..give him all your love

    • Thank you. I just found out that he's trying to find other girls to talk to and meet. So maybe he's really over me, or doesn't care as much as I thought he did. But I will still try and talk to him for some closure, at least.
      Thanks again :)

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