Is it ok to date someone who was already with a distant non-related relative?

So 3,000 characters won't even come close..so long story short. My sister-in-law's brother's ex g/f..kinda fell for me..and I fell for her. We've hung out the last 5 nights in a row. We get along GREAT. He think the same things, we laugh a lot, we've kissed and made out...even had sex the 3rd night. We've stayed out really late..like 4, 5, 6am a few nights in a row when we both had to work the next morning. She's a TOTAL sweetheart...I'm so in love with her. She really likes me but her thing is that she's afraid of what my family will think...and thinks getting with me will hurt her last ex bf. She's also been treated like sh*t and hurt a lot. She downs herself a lot too. None of these are excuses. I really believe she's telling the truth. She said she wants to slow down because this feels weird. She calls me, texts and we still spend time together. So yeah..I'm CRAZY about her..and here's why..I've been through a lot of sh*t and dealt with a lot of sh*t, so I can already tell she's incredible. She's a sweety, she does what she says like texts when she says, calls when she says, hangs out. She doesn't lie or bullsh*t...and a bonus she is drop dead gorgeous. So basically..I can tell..she's special. We had a long talk about her feelings and mine the other night..I basically said that I don't agree with her decision because he WILL get over it and move on...so why sacrifice your happiness for that? I told her if she needs help through whatever that I am more than there for her..with out question. I complimented her and told her my feelings. She is also so afraid of being hurt. I'm 25, she's 26 btw. So we're both pretty mature. She loves me company and I love hers. Anytime she's around me, still to this day she finds any reason to get close to me or even touch me. The other night after she said she wanted to slow down, we went to hug and she went to kiss me but I moved my head...I was like...do we kiss...or...no? She was like idk..maybe we should behave for now. We're keeping things really really quiet for now..and I told her I would keep it quiet for as long as she wanted to. I totally respect her feelings but I can't get her out of my head. She's the last thing I think of before I go to bed and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I am nuts for this girl and I WANT to be with her. My question is..is there really anything wrong with us dating even though he's my brother's wife's brother's ex? (holy crap lol) Btw...they've been broken up for about 2 months if not longer. I had nothing to do with the break up nor did I even hang out with her up until a week or so ago. He made the mistake and didn't want to be with her. She broke up with him, he threw her out and then that same day he friended her on facebook only to put up a status that said he was happy to be "free". So is it really a big deal if we dated?

Updates:
Sorry, lots of typos like "he's" instead of "she's" and "me" instead of "my". Sorry, long day..
I got a text that said "I don't thin I can be with anyone right now, my head is too f**ked up". Everyone I asked about this all said the same thing..there's nothing wrong with it and it's not a big deal. It's great thinking your feelings are expendable
So I told my older brother..who is friends with the guy and met his current wife because of him. Anyway, my brother says "tell him now, he'll be cool with it, there's no doubt in my mind" when he said this, he didn't hesitate what-so-ever.
There's no doubt in my mind that she's being honest and straight with me. She even talked to him on the phone right next to me and never left or moved. She's just been hurt a lot and doesn't kno how to be with a sweet guy. Of course she still cares 4 him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I personally don't think it's much of a big deal, because at least it's not like her ex boyfriend was your blood relative, right?

    But it's only been like 2 or 3 months since the break up, so the ex boyfriend could get the wrong idea.

    He could think that she's trying to make him jealous by "hooking up" with you, or he might think that you don't care about his feelings.

    Unless he's an extremely nice, classy understanding person, he's bound to misunderstand.

    He may not seem to care about her anymore, but there's a chance that he could get jealous, because after all, she USED TO BE his. He could also feel betrayed by you, and trust me, there's nothing uglier than the feeling of betrayal within a family.

    This could turn out really well or reallyx5 bad. So, play it safe. Don't do anything risky, like telling your friends or family members about your relationship with her. I guess you can tell people that you trust 120%, but know that people slip up, no matter how careful or cautious they may be.

    It might be hard to do, but I suggest that you guys keep it on the down low for a year, so that the ex won't feel **ANYTHING ** about this. And if he seems like he's negatively affected by you&his ex, sit down with him and TALK to him about it.

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    • I told her I'd keep it quiet as long as she wanted to. I have no problems with that. How do I help her through this? She has a hard time talking about her feelings in general.

What Girls Said 2

  • Always be willing to listen, because you don't wanna push her away when she's finally coming around to open up. But NEVER pressure or intimidate her by constantly nagging her about telling you how she feels.

    One thing that most people do (or should do) is what psychologists call "self disclosure". That's when you share personal information with her. That will show her that you trust her enough, which will lead HER telling you something worth listening to. Eventually, as you two exchange your innermost feelings, your trust&intimacy level will increase dramatically.

    **so...SHE sent that text to you?

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    • Yes, she sent me that text. Then I said "Do you still want to hang out as friends?" She said "yea". That's it so far.

    • Oh..T_T I wonder what made her make such a decision.

      I guess all you can do is wait or...move on..

      i wish I could be more of a help =(

    • I know, it's ok. She's just really hurt right now. She's been crying..I understand. I feel bad but it really isn't a big deal. Idk..I'm just going to have to deal. =\

  • Id have to say its pretty much done with this girl.

    Its for the better though it would be akward if anything ever became of it and may possibly cause some trouble in the fam depending on how that relationship played out.

    If she only broke up with him 2 months ago then she was surley on the rebound! This is why you recieved the "my head is so f***ed up" text. I'm sure she prob did like you on some level..but at the same time due to the cirucumstances with the whole family thing ON TOP of the fact they only broke up 2 months ago would have def f***ed up her head. You even said you had sex, so that right there shows everything moved way to fast wayyyy too soon. She prob is still wrapped up in her ex, if she admits it or not, and realized this after rushing into things with you.

    Don't sweat it, be glad your not the one who just went through the break up and is emotionally upset! My best advice is to cut all contact, there's no need to talk to her now, she knows how you feel, and if you continue to talk to her or be "friends" you will only get hurt because she will either leave you in the "friend" category, meet another guy, or get back with the ex. Save yourself the time, I've been in this type of situation! =)

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    • Another thing to note, I've been in the situation on BOTH sides..but the reason why I say not to be there willing to listen is because I did that to a few guys that I had dated right after a break up and I NEVER actaully went on to date them, like I said, at that point she may leave you in the "friend" category, and that's what happened in my situation, the feelings actaully dissipated over time because they stuck around acting like a friend

    • I can't cut all contact. I've known her a long time before this. I don't think I'm the rebound at all. I think she's just genuinely scared of being hurt and thinks he will be upset with her. She called me today to see how my day was..I told her and said sometime this week I was gonna go out to drink and get REALLY MESSED up. She goes, "let me know!!! we'll do it together!!". She's also texted me a lot to see how I'm doing. She definitely likes me and cares. I don't think she's lying to me at all

What Guys Said 1

  • You wrote way more than any of us need to read, or will read. And I say that because as soon as I read the line where you say you love her, and she loves you, I knew the answer that I would give.

    Yes, it is okay to date each other. You, nor her, should not feel guilty. If you love each other then you should see each other.

    And for future reference, most of us don't mind reading, but please use page breaks or something next time so it isn't such a...chore...to read.

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    • Thanks man. And just think how I felt writing it. I told her that even if anyone got mad whether it was him, my brother or his wife..I said they would get over it and they were not the people that I'd be kissing, touching, holding, sleeping with, spending time with..so what's the problem?

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