Do I give him the benefit of the doubt? (Online dating)

So I keep having these same experiences with guys where we're talking and everything seems to be going well, they even mention meeting up and then they just stop replying. I have no idea why.

Recently I started talking to someone and he asked me to email him instead of talking through the dating site. My last email to him was Saturday morning and then I didn't hear from him. So on Monday I decided to send him a last email apologising if I'd offended him and wishing him luck in his search. He then responded saying he fully intended on replying to me and meeting up but he'd been busy with a friend.

Fair enough. The problem is he's logged onto the dating site multiple times since I sent the email on Saturday and I'm not sure what to think. If he hasn't had time to email me and is so keen to meet up, why has he kept on logging in to the site? And why didn't he tell me he was busy and was going to take a while to reply if he wanted to keep my interest? Is this normal to just expect a girl to keep hanging on? I thought guys would want to let a girl know he's still interested in case she starts talking to someone else?

So I'm confused here. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt and wait for his reply or do I take this as him stringing me along and let it go? I have a hard time trusting people because I've been messed around so much and to me it doesn't seem right that you'd wait days to reply to someone's email but still be logging into the dating site regularly...the only thing he can be doing is looking at other women's profiles, talking to other women and reading his messages all of which seem counter productive if it's me he's interested in and if he's so busy, how does he have time to browse a dating site but not talk to someone he supposedly wants to meet? Do men take these situations differently? I really don't know what to think...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I don't like email throw dating sites so I an understand the direct email part. I know dating sites flood/overwhelm me with emails and notices that sometimes I go read them others I don't bother because it get so annoying, now I can't say that is what he is doing so its really up to how you feel
    Personally to me it sounds like he has just lost the interest in you for what ever reason.

    Modern society teaches girls to be more independent and men to be more of a player , its a cause and effect type situation nothing you can do about that but find something you can make work out

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    • Well, after he told me he has been busy with a friend I said that's ok, no worries and left it at that. He then replied saying it might be easier to talk through text and asked for my number so I'm not sure what to think. Why would texting be easier? You can say a lot less through texting than emails...and yes I get he might not want to email through the site itself, but then why constantly log on? It doesn't make sense. Why is it he can text but not email and yet he still spends time on the dating site...just don't know whether to trust or not.

    • Show All
    • It's a free site so it's not about the money. He's not head over heels for me that's for sure. He logs in regularly and spends time online ut takes a long time to message me. In fact, hasn't even texted me yet despite me giving him my number. He just keeps sending one line emails, so obviously he's not as interested as I thought and is just stringing me along. I'm just tired of it...why me? I give up.

    • Thanks for MH

      I'm sorry to hear that but at least you know now where you stand with him.

      Don't give up modern relationships are much harder and online dating increases that even more because there are so many people and such easy contact without the stigma of rejection if it goes wrong but it makes it harder to actual get to know the other person, but you can't give up , just try again! Remember guys don't get attached emotionally as easy or as quick as girls do so online it will be even slower for many guys to get that real deep bond with you but it can and does happen and you can find the right one for you. Good luck

What Guys Said 1

  • In my experience all the girls on OKCupid are flakes. I have build a model in my mind of how the girls think on there. There are two types.

    The overwhelming majority of the girls on there are unattractive. And they all feel it. They feel like pathetic losers. Maybe they are maybe they're not. Whatever. They feel unsure about what they're doing on the dating site. They're nervous about meeting guys. They want to drag the experience of talking along for entirely too long. I thought the online thing was a way to meet lots of people. So you can have a date every weekend if you wanted. Just get out of the house, who cares if it's a shitty date? You can see if there's chemistry when you meet.

    The girls want to text without meeting for as long as they can so they can feel attractive.

    Supposedly every girl gets hundreds of messages a day. Most of them just outright ignore us. (The hot ones usually do.) So we cast extremely wide nets. It feels like spamming really. When I get in the mood to pm girls on there, I usually do it in batches of maybe a half dozen. Sometimes they reply, but have little intention of ever meeting. But I gotta chat with them to see. So I do.

    At some point you feel like you've done enough to convince her to meet you, and the coffee date is eminent. At that point it's best to save the effort for then. You build up intrigue. Make her meet you to satisfy her curiosity. The actual relationship building will of course happen in person.

    Of course he's still single so he's going to be trying to line up another date. Especially since all girls are flakes and that date that you think you may have may never happen.

    If you're online stalking his logins then he might think you're lonely loser ready to fall in love with someone you're never met. Only unattractive girls that never get any attention are like that so he probably wants to stay away from you. Girls are expected to take anywhere from a day to six to reply. Don't be needy.

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    • I actually don't see how any of what you said is relevant to what I asked. I am not looking at his profile for starters so he doesn't even know that I can tell he's been online. I'm not unattractive, but I rarely get contacted by anyone that I find attractive.

      Secondly, he's made not definite plans to meet up apart from saying he would like to. I have not hounded him, I said I would be happy to meet up and we had only been talking for one day and it's not been 4 days waiting for a response from him. And the point is I don't get hundreds of messages a day or even a week. I showed interest in him, I have replied to him, there is no reason to treat me like how you have described above. I feel like he is the one not interested in KEEPING my interest and that's why I've asked for advice because I'm confused as to why he'd be lining up other dates when he hasn't even lined up one with me yet!

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