you need to lay down the law. tell him he does not own you and you are free to have your own friends. if he has an issue with that, you have no choice but to leave him. I have to ask though, how did you NOT know he was like this before getting married?
Don't give up your guy friends. There is no reason to. Don't let your husband control you like that. Gay or straight you don't have to give them up. Your married to him, he shouldn't be so insecure. This has nothing to do with with priorities either, in secure relationships it is normal to have male and female friends. My boyfriend and I hang out with my guy friends all the time. We have a great time. I wish more ladies would realize giving up your friendships for a guy is ridiculous.
I will give you my opinion based on the fact that I was fine with any of my girlfriends to have male friends and in fact my girlfriend was chatting to a guy on the phone for 2 hours the other day( check my question ) and now she is propably with him!
There is a term called emotional infidelity .
When you chat to a guy then your husband will think what is it that you get out of talking to someone else ? Why do you devote your time and attention to that person? Why you can not talk to me? Off course there will be times that you will talk with a friend to get his opinion or catch up and that is absolutely fine I think when it is not a daily thing. Because then it can lead you to be with that other man that you are talking to.
Hope that helps. Check teh intrnet for the term to find out more.
the age difference could cause two problems. one, the insecurity which is apparent. two, the controlling factor. also contributing to the insecurity is the newness of your marriage. the more secure he feels in the relationship, the better it will be. maybe you both can give a little. you can ease his insecurity by including him or something and he can compromise and let you go out/hang out with them. if he can't give some, youve got a real issue.
Maybe he thinks you'll leave him for someone closer to your age. This common in large age gaps like yours.
I will say that older guys that want girls your age are generally more controlling (which is why they'd want you in the first place--someone they can manipulate easy)
The truth is you can't change him. He has to want it. My sister's ex was jealous of me and my brother. Obviously it didn't happen. jealousy doesn't always come from insecurity. It can come from pride. And sorry, noclueman I disagree not every man just wants to bang a woman. I'll admit that the vast majority are too shallow and dense, to think beyond the tip of their own penis. But not everyone thinks with their groin.
You need remind ur husband that even tho you have friends they will be nothing more than friends because you chose him to spend the rest of ur life with him. That he was the one that stands out to you more than anyone and that's why ur together because you love him. Don't think of a divorce, it's not the answer, you two became one and you need to work it out. that's how to make ur marriage stronger. also you can try to limit sometime with ur friends because if you spend too much time with them, it sends him a message that ur friends are more important. so you maybe invite ur guy friends over and bring a few girlfriends too so that he can be comfortable,and stay with him and show him how you love him.
Well first of all he has to learn how to trust you cause in your marriage you guys had promised to trust one another, so if their is no trust, ehere is the love and the marriage. Anyways, try to get him to understand that there is nothing wrong going on with your guy friend, state the facts. Unless ur kind of doing something that would lead him on to this action. Anyhow email me more info so I can detect the problem more better.
I had a similar situation with my boyfriend. He was extremely jealous of any male contact that I had. But then I sat him down one day and told him that no one could replace him and I love him more than anyone in the entire world. And then I told him that not only my words will prove it, but my actions would too. I told him about conversations with male friends, I invited my male friends over to meet my boyfriend and let my boyfriend meet them. I let the situation be open and not taboo. Just exposure to it made him more comfortable with it. If he sees that you are with him 100% it shouldn't matter who you talk to. But it is a legitimate concern of his so don't treat him like he's stupid or immature. He has a right to his feelings, but so do you. So no arguing, just love and compromise! :)
Yes once you get married you sort of have to give yourself completly to the other person. Respect them fully on every level. Just think that he loves you so much he doesn't even want to risk loosing you. Plus having girl friends is a lot more fun!
Also think about it...what if he were out socializing with some women. That wudn't b very pleasant would it? Secure or insecure. Once your married ur devoting yourself completly.
Let him in on u're relations with other men. My best friends are guys and my husband wasn't too comfortable with that, so I made sure he got to know them and now he's ok with it. Make sure you don't have any unecessary "relations" with like guys on internet, because that's just asking for trouble. Let ur husband know that the guys you do talk to and hang out with are good friends of urs and they're important to you and let him get to know them too. Don't think you can do much more, the rest is up to him.
To get a divorce without even trying everything you can is silly. Obviously you two love each other, cos love sometimes come with the evil deeds - jealousy and insecurity. Your husband is obviously insecure about you having guys friends. There are many ways to ensure him about your love to him. (but bringing him and you friends to a meetup and show your friends how intimate is just bit too dramatic in my opinion), Earn his trust by other things, show your care with small things, you can do it girl, drown him with your love. (by then he might not be complain about you meeting with your friends, but about how you are too lovey dovey)
just a side: like someone mentioned above, doesn't he have any gal pals too?
no no no. you shouldn't have to give up your guy friends for him. I mean HELLO...he knew you were friends well before y'all were engaged, let alone married, so he should deal with it.
either that or he should give up all of his female friends.
Depends on what kind of "Friends" they are. Do you see each other in a group? or is this a "hey I am meeting TOm for a drink and blow job"?
Guys want to screw you. They are not your friends. They are friendly until they find a way to sleep with your or get a BJ. Sorry girls, no exceptions. They are friends yes...they care about you like a friend would...but they want to screw you period. Watch "when harry met sally, he explains it better".
he is being a total control freak. if you give up your guy friends for him, he's gonna think he can get away with other stuff and before you know it, you're gonna be under his watch 24/7. it's NOT ok for him to tell you what to do, ESP if he has girl friends, who he should be willing to give up too. either way, you need to make a choice, controlling husband or your freedom.
I think no you don't have to give them up. Just draw a line. Like since your married, certain things you can't do with them. Like going places by yourself them. It'll look like a date.
Jealousy indeed. No women should have to give up her friends because of her husband. (I'd feel guilty and uneasy if my wife did it because of something I said)
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
He sounds controlling. If your BFF is a gay man he is not going to be making any moves on you. I could see if it was a straight guy. You should have friends outside of marriage, tell him to get over it. He's wrong.
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you need to lay down the law. tell him he does not own you and you are free to have your own friends. if he has an issue with that, you have no choice but to leave him. I have to ask though, how did you NOT know he was like this before getting married?
Don't give up your guy friends. There is no reason to. Don't let your husband control you like that. Gay or straight you don't have to give them up. Your married to him, he shouldn't be so insecure. This has nothing to do with with priorities either, in secure relationships it is normal to have male and female friends. My boyfriend and I hang out with my guy friends all the time. We have a great time. I wish more ladies would realize giving up your friendships for a guy is ridiculous.
I will give you my opinion based on the fact that I was fine with any of my girlfriends to have male friends and in fact my girlfriend was chatting to a guy on the phone for 2 hours the other day( check my question ) and now she is propably with him!
There is a term called emotional infidelity .
When you chat to a guy then your husband will think what is it that you get out of talking to someone else ? Why do you devote your time and attention to that person? Why you can not talk to me? Off course there will be times that you will talk with a friend to get his opinion or catch up and that is absolutely fine I think when it is not a daily thing. Because then it can lead you to be with that other man that you are talking to.
Hope that helps. Check teh intrnet for the term to find out more.
i think the issue is at 20 most of your male friends are single and are out on the pull... Most likely he knows that aswell..
Had you been in a closer age group, then your friends would have been attached and not pose a threat...
Either way, it does not justify his behaviour..
the age difference could cause two problems. one, the insecurity which is apparent. two, the controlling factor. also contributing to the insecurity is the newness of your marriage. the more secure he feels in the relationship, the better it will be. maybe you both can give a little. you can ease his insecurity by including him or something and he can compromise and let you go out/hang out with them. if he can't give some, youve got a real issue.
That is unacceptable, the controlling behavior
Maybe he thinks you'll leave him for someone closer to your age. This common in large age gaps like yours.
I will say that older guys that want girls your age are generally more controlling (which is why they'd want you in the first place--someone they can manipulate easy)
And why are you married at 20?
Why would a 27 year-old want a 17-year old?
Can't he get someone at least 25?
The truth is you can't change him. He has to want it. My sister's ex was jealous of me and my brother. Obviously it didn't happen. jealousy doesn't always come from insecurity. It can come from pride. And sorry, noclueman I disagree not every man just wants to bang a woman. I'll admit that the vast majority are too shallow and dense, to think beyond the tip of their own penis. But not everyone thinks with their groin.
You need remind ur husband that even tho you have friends they will be nothing more than friends because you chose him to spend the rest of ur life with him. That he was the one that stands out to you more than anyone and that's why ur together because you love him. Don't think of a divorce, it's not the answer, you two became one and you need to work it out. that's how to make ur marriage stronger. also you can try to limit sometime with ur friends because if you spend too much time with them, it sends him a message that ur friends are more important. so you maybe invite ur guy friends over and bring a few girlfriends too so that he can be comfortable,and stay with him and show him how you love him.
Well first of all he has to learn how to trust you cause in your marriage you guys had promised to trust one another, so if their is no trust, ehere is the love and the marriage. Anyways, try to get him to understand that there is nothing wrong going on with your guy friend, state the facts. Unless ur kind of doing something that would lead him on to this action. Anyhow email me more info so I can detect the problem more better.
I had a similar situation with my boyfriend. He was extremely jealous of any male contact that I had. But then I sat him down one day and told him that no one could replace him and I love him more than anyone in the entire world. And then I told him that not only my words will prove it, but my actions would too. I told him about conversations with male friends, I invited my male friends over to meet my boyfriend and let my boyfriend meet them. I let the situation be open and not taboo. Just exposure to it made him more comfortable with it. If he sees that you are with him 100% it shouldn't matter who you talk to. But it is a legitimate concern of his so don't treat him like he's stupid or immature. He has a right to his feelings, but so do you. So no arguing, just love and compromise! :)
Yes once you get married you sort of have to give yourself completly to the other person. Respect them fully on every level. Just think that he loves you so much he doesn't even want to risk loosing you. Plus having girl friends is a lot more fun!
Also think about it...what if he were out socializing with some women. That wudn't b very pleasant would it? Secure or insecure. Once your married ur devoting yourself completly.
Let him in on u're relations with other men. My best friends are guys and my husband wasn't too comfortable with that, so I made sure he got to know them and now he's ok with it. Make sure you don't have any unecessary "relations" with like guys on internet, because that's just asking for trouble. Let ur husband know that the guys you do talk to and hang out with are good friends of urs and they're important to you and let him get to know them too. Don't think you can do much more, the rest is up to him.
Hope u'll be able to solve ur problems, good luck
To get a divorce without even trying everything you can is silly. Obviously you two love each other, cos love sometimes come with the evil deeds - jealousy and insecurity. Your husband is obviously insecure about you having guys friends. There are many ways to ensure him about your love to him. (but bringing him and you friends to a meetup and show your friends how intimate is just bit too dramatic in my opinion), Earn his trust by other things, show your care with small things, you can do it girl, drown him with your love. (by then he might not be complain about you meeting with your friends, but about how you are too lovey dovey)
just a side: like someone mentioned above, doesn't he have any gal pals too?
no no no. you shouldn't have to give up your guy friends for him. I mean HELLO...he knew you were friends well before y'all were engaged, let alone married, so he should deal with it.
either that or he should give up all of his female friends.
good luck girl :]
Depends on what kind of "Friends" they are. Do you see each other in a group? or is this a "hey I am meeting TOm for a drink and blow job"?
Guys want to screw you. They are not your friends. They are friendly until they find a way to sleep with your or get a BJ. Sorry girls, no exceptions. They are friends yes...they care about you like a friend would...but they want to screw you period. Watch "when harry met sally, he explains it better".
he is being a total control freak. if you give up your guy friends for him, he's gonna think he can get away with other stuff and before you know it, you're gonna be under his watch 24/7. it's NOT ok for him to tell you what to do, ESP if he has girl friends, who he should be willing to give up too. either way, you need to make a choice, controlling husband or your freedom.
He is insecure. He probably fears that you don't find him attractive.
Show him how much attracted to him you are, how much you care for him and how much you wouldn't leave him for someone else.
I think no you don't have to give them up. Just draw a line. Like since your married, certain things you can't do with them. Like going places by yourself them. It'll look like a date.
Jealousy indeed. No women should have to give up her friends because of her husband. (I'd feel guilty and uneasy if my wife did it because of something I said)
He sounds controlling. If your BFF is a gay man he is not going to be making any moves on you. I could see if it was a straight guy. You should have friends outside of marriage, tell him to get over it. He's wrong.