Am I a commitment-phobe?

Yes I'm fifteen. No I am not talking romantic-relationship wise. At all.

I am horrible at communicating. Also, there is nothing messed up about my childhood-now that would stand a signifciant reason why I am the way I am. I can remember that when I was 5 my best friend left for America (when I was still in China) and when I was 7 my best friend stopped talking to me (in America.) However, I was so young so I don't really think that caused this. I'm not salty about those things either.

Here's my problem. I don't like being close to someone. I hate having people like me/rely on me "too" much. At first, I'll like the company of a new friend. Then, once it becomes obvious they favor me (as a friend) I push away. This sounds bad, and it is. It applies a bit to my family too - but less so. I'm mostly detached to people. I prefer staying home as opposed to hanging out with me. I don't like texting people that much either. I think I'm pretty selfish because 1/3 of the days I just want to be left alone and the other 2/3 I'm in a good/ok mood. I want the fun that comes with it, but I hate the effort to keep up with it. What? Does that even make sense?


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