Critique this first chapter, please?

Chapter One

Annais left her teddybear on the floor, next to the dead body. Her little steps didn't get her more than five meters away, before a voice stopped her.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You did it again, didn't you?” The deep voiced man asked, with a hint of sarcasm. Annais closed her eyes and sighed.

“I must admit, I almost feel sorry for you, Annais.” The way her name sounded on his lips brought goosebumps to her skin. The corners of her mouth gradually turned up, until a lazy smile was plastered on her face. She slowly turned around, her long black hair flying around as her forest green eyes met a pair of grey, lifeless, full of hatred ones. Her smile turned into a grin, and seconds later she was laughing madly. Until she randomly stopped.

“Hello, Markov.” Her voice was flat and emotionless. “Long time no see.”

“I hope you haven't missed me too much, babe.” He joked. She scanned him from head to toe before walking in front of him with inhumane speed. Her eyes only saw a worthless bag of blood in front of her.

“Markov?” A voice suddenly broke their eye contact, and the grey eyed man glanced to the floor to see the young woman's lifeless body gaining colour.

“What's happening?” Her innocent blue eyes bored into his confusedly. Her pale hands reached for the teddy bear as she felt her body drained of energy. She sat on the floor with the teddy bear in her lap, as she switched her gaze from the toy to Markov's hand.

“Welcome to Hell, love.”


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What Guys Said 1

  • That's a really short chapter. Good, but short.

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