Critic my prose/poem?

who am I?
you tell me...
I don't know
what do you want?
I don t know,
I am confused
Are you happy?
Are you said?
Then what?
I feel numb...
wait, drop feel since numbness means the lack of it
I need...
what do you need?
cut me
Please cut me, I can't breath
I can t breath, I can't breath, I can't breath!
I need to feel, please
fuck you
You'll feel pain
better than no feeling at all,
No, I can't, I won't
Shit, you are making me beg
How insulting, how embarrassing to beg for your own pain
I agree
you re not helping me
It s not my job to do so
then why are you here?
You tell me...

Beep :(
beep beep :P


Most Helpful Guy

  • Fuck Exhilarating.
    The rapid transition
    The fragmented thoughts
    The dichotomy of personality
    Imitation of relatable human action

    *Good art by my standard and Aristotle's

    • hahaha thanks man! xD

Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 2

  • I feel like most of the prose poems I have read have some kind of story of an event and has some kind of symbolism that's subtle but easy to pick up on I'm confused by yours more than anything, are you using themes of mental illness and identity as if it's someone conflicting with them-self in the poem that's all I can decipher anyway. I think those can be great themes and can be used well within some kind of story that has a semantic field anyway here's a really good prose poem in my opinion

    • yup exactly! thanks for reading I'll check it out :)

    • I haven't read a ton of poetry that deals with these themes and I do like the idea of the poem being from two perspectives to show internal conflict I think you have a very good outline for what could be a very interesting poem. If you do edits maybe check out the subreddit r/poetry on reddit those guys are much smarter than me and know their poems.

    • lol yea sure I'll check it out.
      I honestly just wrote that in 10mins or less so I expected to be average and rough.
      also English isn t my first language.

  • Good attempt.
    Dont use words like "fuck".

    • Thanks for reading!
      Why? :/

    • Show All
    • Use words like "damn it" but not fuck

    • Oki oki

What Girls Said 1

  • It's a little strange, sounds more like people talking, this is not a poem.

    • well it's prose.
      I don't know haha
      anw thanks for reading