How to deal with a negative friend?

I'm in a band with this friend and I'm the singer. She sort of does keyboard but isn't exactly practising.
There's one other guy playing guitar (it's a small band).
Anyway, this friend has anxiety and I understand why she might be making comments on my weight all the time (she keeps saying how skinny I am) and insults my bra size because she's trying to find flaws in me to make herself feel better. That might make me sound harsh but that's pretty much what's going on.
The insults and comments on my appearance don't bother me so much, I've put up with them for years, but recently she's began commenting on my singing and it makes me feel terrible about myself because singing is the one thing I thought I was good at. It literally hurts so bad right now I'm crying.

She's also hinting that she wants to take over as singer although she's too anxious to actually perform in front of an audience as she always refuses too so I don't know what she's trying to do.
It really hurts me because she'll always be like "You're singing too high!" or "You have a really strange voice!" and at this point, I'm afraid to sing in front of her.

The guitarist in our band just sort of sits there quietly and looks shocked when she starts giving her little speech about what I'm doing wrong,

I've done quite a few gigs before, always got good reactions, and I'm planning on going to a music college in London that invited me to its opening evening the other week but she follows me wherever I go so I won't be able to sing at my best with her watching me and making faces every time.

I don't want to hurt her feelings because I unserstand why she's doing it, I just want to know if there are any ways I can ignore her and build back my confidence.


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What Guys Said 2

  • well if it gets any worse i would suggest replacing her with someone who can do what she does and not give you grief. friends dont do that to each other. and let her know she is replaceable if she doesn't like the band that much. bands are familys not groups of judgmental people.

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  • I can't say whether your friend is right or not in her criticism of your voice, but you're being far too thin-skinned. If you're crying over such paltry jabs, then you need to do some looking inward more than anything.

    There are times when I'm recording and think "I really sound like shit today", but that just gives me more of an incentive to practice, work on my breathing, try to improve my tone and perfect my technique, etc. If you train hard to sing well and know you can, then simply go on stage and tread on her. You don't need her approval to display talent.

    As for her presence in the band, I guess that's all up to you, or however the hierarchy works within it. Your guitarist seems pretty beta, so don't expect much help from him if you want to kick Loudmouth out. Still, if she's a disruptive presence, it probably needs to be done.

    All that's just some incoherent rambling on my part, but maybe it will help.

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What Girls Said 1

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