He had hundreds of wires hooked up to him, a I. V. a breathing machine and his head and body was wrapped up in bandages that were stained slightly with blood spots. I'll never forget the constant beeping sounds and the sound of the machine made when it pumped air into his lungs, like Darth Vader breathing, it was the most mournful sight having to see my brother like that let alone as a 3 year old. I changed the names to protect my families identities, its my auto biography i am currently writting to finish. Does it make you want to read it? For those thinking of plagiarizing i wouldn't, i have doccumentation and no consent to be copied and the law.
Most Helpful Girl
- An IV, not 'a I. V.'
- A respirator, not a breathing machine
- His head and body WERE wrapped up, not was wrapped up
- The use of your pop culture reference (Darth Vader) actually kinda makes the writing comical when you want it to be super serious and sad, not funny.
You need to make sure that your grammar is correct and you work on creating the right tone and atmosphere but it could work out.0