I fell deep, into the ocean of my mind, and as I looked into the quiet night sky, a thought entered my mind "look how vast this universe is, oh how insignificant that must make me, I am but a lowlely peasant in comparison to everything that exists independent of me." And in that moment, like an ant I was so small, and that made me feel a million feet tall, because I saw with my real eyes, and I realized that my problems were but a breeze, like cold winter winds that blow through the trees, they are here for a second but gone in a hurry, so what reason is there to ever need to worry?
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What Girls Said 1
The concept is good and the rhyming gives it a bit of a sound "Dr. Seuss" feel... At the end that is. However, I think that the actual language is really simplistic. I think that if you tried structuring your sentences differently and used a more complex vocabulary, then it'd be more impressive. No offense, but it really just seems like your typical mediocre poem. For example, the comparison of being "small like an ant" is greatly overused. There's plenty of things smaller than ants. Try stepping outside the box and thinking of something else! Don't follow the typical rut of previous poets, otherwise your poem doesn't really stand out at all. I hope this was helpful :)1
What Guys Said 2
Concept is good but you got to work on executing
It sounds like a para try to make it rhyme1
you can't fall into an ocean then look at the sky your scuba diving?0
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