How is my ex boyfriend getting married after only knowing this girl for 4 months?

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy for over 2 years and broke up with him last year, it was for various reasons such as hardly ever seeing him. It's funny because we dated for so long and he wanted to wait to get married, we talked about it all the time but he never asked and he never put me first in the relationship. Video games were always more important, he was a nice guy just not very social, very closed in type. Recently I found out that he's getting married in 2 months after only knowing the girl for 4. He's apparently totally changed, he always puts he first, wanted to marry her only 2 weeks of dating her (it took him 6 months to tell me he loved me). He's super social now, hardly plays video games anymore, doesn't even have a computer at his place. He made my life such a living hell when I broke up with him, threatened to kill himself, and after couple of months told me that he couldn't talk to me anymore because he was still in love with me and couldn't get over me. I guess I'm just confused that if he was so in love with me how could he fall in love with someone else, completed change who he was and marry her so soon?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the responses guys, it did help. I'm in a bit of tough spot right now with his fiancee wanting to be friends and I have no idea how to deal with it. He dislikes me and she wants to be friends with me? How does that work? I don't think it will!

Updates

+1 y

Well to be honest I was excited for him when I found out he was engaged, I do want him to be happy and his soon to be wife is a really nice girl. But he flat out rude to me still and wants nothing to do with me. But still his fiance wants to be friends?

[lckylady]

This happens all the time to women. We can be perfectly good women and everyone knows that we are a good catch but the man. Men only settle down when they are ready to. You could have had a wonderful relationship and never have fought but if he wasn't ready he wasn't ready. Maybe after the two of you broke up he had to re-evaluate his life and what he wanted. Maybe he realized that he needed to get out more and that he did want to settle down and get married. The majority of us women grow up knowing we want to get married and start a family but men may know they want it some day but until they really decide they are ready they will let all kinds of great women come into their lives and then let them go. I was with a man for 6 1/2 years and he felt that he never wanted to get married. A year after we broke up he eloped with a woman he had known for a month. We are still friends and when I first heard this I immediately thought there was something wrong with me so I talked to him about it. He told me he didn''t understand it that there was nothing wrong with me and that when we were together he just wasn't ready to take the plunge but after we broke up he started thinking about it more and eventually decided that he wanted a life long companion. If he had had this realization before we got together I would have been the one he married but the timing just wasn't right.

[the-love-guru]

Okay, sounds like you've got the situation under control (judging from the input people posted). However, I'd like to address the situation of being friends with his ex and fiance. NOT A GOOD IDEA.

After dating someone and breaking up, the relationship dynamic changes. And that's good. It's not healthy to have someone who was once in an intimate part of you life, remain intimate in your life. Even if you were "friends" with them, once they settle down and have a family,it would become quite awkward. And honestly, would you want to hang out with them once you had a relationship. The potential for awkward moments are too great. Besides, I think it's incredibly uncomfortable to be around people that you may have slept with during the relationship... so imagine if SHE starts talking about their bedtime tirades, or something along those lines. Too messy for my taste!

We learn from our past relationships, and move on. At some point, you honestly won't care to have a relationship wiyh them. You'll wish them all the best, and it'll stop there. It just takes a bit longer for some folks.

[Asker]

Yes I do agree with you, after a couple of really awkward coffees with his fiancee I decided to tell her thankyou but no thanks. She had sooo many rules of things we couldn't talk about, I could never go over to there house or see him at all. It was odd that she wanted to be friends, almost like she just wanted to see what I looked like and ask me a few questions (which she did). OH well that's all over now!

[ty-lady]

Sometimes it happens, you be in a relationship and the other person constantly bicker about some of the things you do or do not do (you take it for granted) then they finally leave you. If you are smart you will use that time to re-evaluate your life, look at what caused the break up in the previous relationship and vow to not make the same mistake in the future. I think we all get a little better after an ending relationship we come out having learned something. NOW, why is he getting married so fast I have no idea bout all that but he did seem to get too far into a relationship status, considering he contemplated killing himself after the break up. Maybe he feels that he will finally put all that he has into this relationship because he has finally realized that he failed the last one and now he must change. Peace & Love!

P.S Sometimes, you can date someone and go thru hell trying to make them better and all we have done in the end is made them better... for someone else...sh*t happens!

[tasha5050]

Please Help!

I also dated a guy for about 6 months in college, but we both didn't really for a serious relationship a the time. When we graduated we both went out way. we kept contact for about 6 months. After a while we lost contact with each other. He met another girl got

[stercor]

Send the new girl a sympathy card.

To his credit, he may have indeed changed. That probably is because of his new girlfriend.

I had been in a 4-year relationship. It was 95% good in the beginning. But the remaining 5% grew until it defined the relationship. I was drinking heavily and did her a favor by terminating the relationship.

Shortly after, I met my wife. It was love at first sight for both of us. We've been married for 21+ years, and there is no possibility of divorce.

Maybe that's what happened to him.

Nothing against you; there's someone out there that will sweep you off your feet.

Your depression may be medical. A psychiatrist can help. I had become depressed. Cat (my wife) got me into a psychiatrist's office and got me meds that made a world of difference. I'd prefer to believe that she didn't do this as self-protection. ;-)

Will you friend me? I'd like to follow this. I don't send friend requests because they may be misinterpreted, or violate boundaries, or worse. I've see what things come from bad interactions. I was a police officer.

Ted

[Asker]

Hi Ted,

I do have a therapist so I am doing pretty well, I think I'm so taken aback from this situation is that his fiancee wants to be friends with me, but my ex doesn't want anything to do with me. The only reason I know that he's getting married was because when he broke up he wanted place so I stayed away but after a year I needed to his church (for a reason) and pre warned him that I was doing so as not to upset him. Now I'm in this stupid situation of how to I do deal with this young lady

[Asker]

Man I really should read what I type! *He needed space so I gave it to him & *I needed to go to his church. Pretty much I was trying to be nice and got bit!

[Verbal]

I would say it is because of two things.



The first is love. Maybe everything he has been looking for has finally come his way and he has fallen in love and maybe you are jealous.

The second could be that he is marrying this woman out of spite for you. It does happen.

[Asker]

I don't think I'm jealous, just slightly confused. I am happy for him, he's marrying a nice girl.

[katamac]

did he beg to get back with u? I spilt up with an ex, and after 2 weeks of begging he gave up. Got a girlfrend, told me he loved her loads, got her pregnant and then got married all in less than 8 months. He traced me via Facebook 2 years later- yes 2 sodding years! he told me he loved me more than he's ever loved anyone and hinted that he still does, he spoke to me everyday and the best line was - I've made my bed and now I have to lie in it! mayb he's scared of being alone ( ur ex I mean) ? and cos he lost you he doesn't want to make the same mistake of losing someone, its much harder for sum1 to get rid of you when ur married to them! unless ther a gold digger that is lol. Good for you for being happy for him. Be is fiance's friend if you want to but not full on, cos sumet tells me there is underlying reasons why she wants to b ur friend. Eventually he may open up2 u.

Ps this reminds me of Carrie and Big in Sex and the City and also the song cool by Gwen stefani, listen to it mayb that would put ur mind at rest :)

[anaymous]

Guys don't get married until they are ready...maybe he just wasn't ready when he was with you. You broke it off with him and he wanted to die...he was hurt pretty bad. Looks like he took a year off and then after his wounds were healed was ready to find happiness again. That's healthy. The core personality traits of a person usually don't change and the relationship he is in is still in that "honeymoon" phase so don't be sad...he'll be the same person he was and you didn't want to be with him. Like littletad wrote it looks like you need closure...but I think you have it.

[Asker]

Yes I think I have closure now I just have to live with the fact that he's still rude to me. But at the same time why do I care. He's not apart of my life anymore and I've moved on with mine. I'm in a healthy relationship with a really nice guy. I guess I figured I could be friends with him eventually but it doesn't seem that way, I guess I felt guilty over the break up and it's my own problem that I have to deal with.

[lacrimati]

Here's what I think..

How old is he? Sounds pretty young to me - 25 or under :P My boyfriend's 24 and even I can tell he's not fully matured - because your ex sounds pretty immature. I think that what happened is, this girl came along and drew him out to the world more, to be more active, etc. He started liking the way he lived his life, saw her as his savior or something, and now wants to cling to her because with her he sees better things coming. You breaking up wtih him might have been the push to him changing also. I think he might be acting out a bit too quickly. Personally, I don't believe in 24 or under marriage because people change their mindsets mid20s (there are exceptions though, don't hate! :P) Hope this helped!

[Asker]

Thank you for that, that does make sense. I have a hard time understanding how he can be happy and getting married a few weeks but still so nasty to me. I mean even his finance likes me, but he is still rude?

[Littletad]

Sometimes people learn about their faults in a previous relationship and learn to better govern themselves and their priorities when they date someone new. It seems he took his negative traits he had with you and did something about it.

It does suck that he finally changed into someone good and willing to marry, and that the person who he is marrying isn't you. But that happens. There's little we can do about it. According to your question, it sounds like you need closure. If that's the case, call him up and congratulate him. Ask casually how he met and why he married her. Only do this if you seriously need closure. But for the most part, he has moved on with his life, and it's time for you to do the same.

[SOUL4REAL]

Sweetheart, bothof them are playing on your intelligence,let by gone be by gone,leave them alone! Cut all ties with them,people have the tendency to use people who are nice. How can this girl be a friend, she was probably sleeping with him when he couldn't spend time with you. These two people don't give a damn about you,they only think of themselves,you don't need them, you deserve better,he's a low life! Seek positive people to be around and I know you will find someone who is worthy of your LOVE! Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the situation I'm in now. Was with my child's father for seven years and he broke it off with me. A month after our break up we were still having sex, while he was engage to his new girlfriend. Months later he got married and he never told me he had a new girl nor did he say I'm engage to be married! Nope! not once but he knew how to say "Hey, Are we going to meet up tonight?" The sad part about everything is he really left me to be with her. The whole time we were sleeping together he had gotten married and I had No? idea. Thinking about him and his wife cracks me up. She broke up a happy home all for this man. Well she got him and what goes around comes around. Now a year later, I thought since he's married maybe he's change. Boy was I wrong... @**hole! still calls me every other day for sex. SMH

[CrazynKinky]

People change it's a sad fact of life especailly when they change in every way you wanted them to for someone else trust me I've been there it sucks but if it makes you feel any better just think to yourself that she's pregnant or spread it whatever floats your boat and four months isn't long enough to know enough about each other to get married they'll be divorced in less than two years

[babyblue123]

I used to know a guy and he dated his ex for 5 years but ended with her but a year after he got into another relationship with with another girl and they got married about 2 years after. He told me that he thought his ex was sweet and all but he didn't see himself getting married to her. Guys usually distinguish girls in 1) one night stand 2) casual dating 3) girlfriend material 4) wife material

[Reeses-pieces777]

just ignore his fiancee. be happy for him, whatever. his fiance is just acting weird. usually ex girlfriends want nothing to do with her ex boyfriend's current girl. you guys can be civil and that's about it. you don't know what her intentions are, and who cares? I would just ignore her.

[MadHatterni]

maybe the dragistic change from the break up from you two made him realize he needed to change. What ever hurts you makes you stronger some believe. Be her friend and just don't cross hairs with him. Atleast you get a friendship and move on from this idea of how he can change so much.

[mshaker]

K first off, he sees how she cares for him, you didn't cause you thought he put other stuff ahead of u, when he really didnt, you never communicated properly with him. And if you did, I'm pretty sure he would have dropped it for u. Another thing, since you said its all ur fault, he's not making those mistakes anymore. So really its ur fault, If you talked to him, and said I don't like theses things please change or I'm leaving. Instead of saying, Its over and then yelling at him and saying this is what you did. He would have changed. So yea.. So he doesn't act like a little kid anymore, and now ur jealous that it doesn't do those things, and he's marring some1 else.

[Asker]

Funny enough for the longest time I did communicate with him that I was unhappy and that we needed to change things. I went into detail, I tried to say "let's work on this together" but he simply didn't want to or couldn't. I am happy for him but confused.

[NeedingWisdom]

A guy's unhappy is the same as what you were making him by complaining you made him unhappy by you saying he made you unhappy. insult then try and work is not responsive to guys. If he honestly seen you packing and leaving within 2-5days you would have had ur change. he would hurt so bad that he had no choice but you probably keep pushing, and pushing until you made a decision without showing any consequences it hit him off guard like it should have but you didn't show sympathy you turned face ur loss now you know!

[Anonymous]

Ok,did he really only know the girl for 4 months or is that what he told you so he wouldn't hurt your feelings. This happened to my friend and years later she found out he had been secretly seeing this girl for a huge part of there relationship behind her back. That would explain the hardly ever seeing him part! Just my opinion.

[sumina7]

His finacee wanting to be friends may mean:

1. She is curious to meet the woman his fiance loved and probably talked about to her

2. She wants to be sure that you are no longer a threat

[bubblewrappop]

I think he realized that he made a mistake with you so he tried to fix it with her. It's unfortunate but classic that guys leave a long term relationship and then jump into a very serious short term relationship that ends in marriage. It's like they pretend that they never broke up with the first girlfriend and just continue where they left off with that girlfriend with the new one. It's not unusual.

[HAHAitssofunny]

This happened to me. Took my ring and bracelet and hocked it and gave the poor ugly girl an engagement ring (5/6 weeks after I left---2 of which he was still bothering me...) married 6 months later. I got off CHEAP---he kept the cracker-jack ring and used it to trap the next unsuspecting girl, but he'll never get anything from me again...Be careful people! It takes TIME to really know who you are getting involved with...there are a lot of USERS out there!

[Quizical]

Months and tens of thousands of tears later, I'm reading this comment & suddenly my 41 year old x Boyfriend getting married after dumping me, saying he hasn't stopped loving me but needs to move on & marrying the next female he met withing less than 6 months! Actually doesn't hurt as much. Thank you! I am amazed at your comment & more confirmation..He emailed to say he'd like to keep in touch but in a way that didn't disrespect his new wife or marriage? I said no thanks, get home to you are wife! Thanks!

[wanacot]

Either 1) he's changed completely or 2) he's trying damn hard to prove to himself/you/anyone that he's changed completely.

[Asker]

I really do hope he's completely changed for her sake, she seems like a "fixer" and I know him well enough that he will do silly things for people he loves. Such as getting her a second cat when he's pretty badly allergic to cats in general (severe allergy!) . The more I think about this the more I think I should be running away from this entire situation!

[krissadd]

my friends engaged and she's only been dating the dude for 2 months, theyve known each other for like a total of 5, lol, and are getting married in june, its crazy, and I'm very jealous.

[kcm_05]

lol my ex boyfriend got married 6 months after we broke up. divorced a year later . has a daughter as a result. sh*t happens

[SkinnerOne]

He's your ex. What does it matter?

[Titi18]

I guess he didn't love you enof.