The Princess Dilemma

WaitingAtTheDoor

I reference the “Princess” type of girl quite a bit in my posts, and that’s because I believe the majority of girls suffer from this dilemma in their dating and relationship choices.

First, I don’t want to take credit for this idea. I don’t know when Daniel Packard got his start, but he’s a radio personality in Canada and professional dating/relationship expert (basically Canada’s Dr. Drew), and he uses it a lot, so I’ll extend credit it to him. You can read more about him and what he does at www.danielpackard.com.

I’m actually amazed at how many girls come on here asking the kinds of questions they do, and they don’t realize or can even consider they may be doing something wrong. However, I probably shouldn’t be surprised, and that’s because they are stuck in a pattern, and in order to get out of a pattern, one must identify it, recognize it, and then take steps to back out of it.

Hence, they wouldn’t be asking the questions they are, or describing the situations they are in if they could simply identify the pattern.

Girls, you’re probably going to hate me for saying this, and while I’d like to care, I don’t. Not because I’m mean, but the truth needs to be exposed.

Girls live in a fantasy world. They think of themselves as a “Princess” and it’s a pretty pink world, where a big, dashing, handsome knight is going to come rescue them from this crazy world.

WELL WAKE UP! It doesn’t work like that.

Think about everything you know about the stereotypical princess in any fairy tale. What traits does that princess show?

She’s gentle and smiling all the time, and she’s dainty, and her hair is flowing. Have any of you seen this kind of girl walking around? I sure haven’t. At least, not all of those traits at once.

Now think of the other things that make up the princess in those stories. One, she’s catered to the entire time. She’s scared of doing anything herself. But most importantly, she’s in need of rescuing all the time. ALL the time. Any of this sound familiar?

Let’s try applying those traits to the typical girl most of you guys are encountering.

Let’s just say for arguments sake, girls are gentle by nature. Are girls generally happy, to the point of smiling a lot? Probably not. They may be somewhat happy if we surveyed all girls, but I doubt they are in a constant state of smiling. Are girls dainty? Not in any sense of generalities. So we can knock that one off for sure. I’m not going to address flowing hair, because I think the hair care industry has done enough of that with television commercials.

Ok, so far one for four, and it’s the one we let in on technicality. That’s not a great batting average is it guys?

Let’s look at the last three.

First, a girl is always being catered to. YES! Now, I’m not going to discuss the merits of a long term relationship and what “catering” is defined as in that situation. But when it comes to courting, and initial dating, yes, girls are very much catered to. Guys come in, make their best pitch, get shot down mostly, and if they do get a date, they feel they have to work very hard to impress the princes….er…girl.

Second, a princess is scared of doing things herself (this is called insecurity). Are girls insecure? YES, very much! Their insecurities are out there in the open, and they act upon them constantly. That’s why so many guys write posts on here about being ‘confused’ by girls.

Third, a princess is in need of constant rescuing. Does this apply to girls? YES! Again, we find this to be true far more than anything else. Don’t believe me? Look at the history of posts from guys where they talk about being in a limbo state with a girl who is had a failed relationship in the past, and she can’t get over it, and blah fricking blah blah blah.

So the traits that can be identified on the surface when analyzing a princess character do not apply to a girl. Those being ‘surface’ traits, those are what we can refer to as the “surface” traits.

The traits that you have to identify by digging a little deeper, and recognize the patterns, are what we can call the “inner” traits.

Of the four surface traits, we gave credit for one applying. Of the three inner traits, all three applied.

And we’re about to see how ‘gentle’ doesn’t apply to girls whatsoever.

Like I said, girls are not going to like what I’m saying, but it’s the truth and it’s about time it came out of that hollowed out oak tree in the middle of fantasy-princess land.

Since we’ve pretty much canceled out the surface traits, let’s look at the inner traits.

Let’s fast forward to the point where a girl accepts a guy’s invitation to a date, whatever that event might be. She expects that the guy is going to cater to her for the entirety of that date. Not to say that’s wrong, seeing as he did ask her for her time. However, it’s not exactly right either.

But let’s take that even one step further, beyond the confines of the activities of the date. Over time, if the girl decides to continue seeing the guy, she’s going to expect that the guy works at forming an emotional connection. By forming, I mean going at HER pace, and only addressing HER needs.

Next, she’s going to want and expect the guy to listen to her problems, and this occurs nearly instantaneously, after the first date. Again, it’s not about the guy, this is another topic where it’s exclusive to the girl.

Third, she’s going to expect, and this one is not negotiable, that the guy “save” her from whatever she deems she needs saving from. It could be a chatty friend one day, to a guy “friend” who doesn’t understand that they are just friends (and you have to wonder why he’s thinking what he’s thinking).
Before I continue, I realize that the way I’m writing this, it sounds scathing. I don’t mean to be pointed, but I do mean to be critical. This pattern girls are getting themselves into is not empowering, and it’s causing them to be unhappy, even when they are with someone that could very well make them happy.

The traits we are talking about are predicated on the girl assuming she needs to be chased, and attended to. Not to say that chasing a girl is wrong, but when you factor in all the “rescuing” and the like, now that makes you girls out to be helpless.

Are girls really helpless? Do girls need a guy’s hand in everything? Are you not able to make it through the day unless one of us comes and ‘saves’ you from the endless choices of lunch-time cuisine, or the latest in gossip that vicariously involves you?

I’m going to have to say no. You’re capable of being a ‘big’ girl, and you don’t need me carrying you around, “saving” you from your own life. You have the ability to say no to your friends, stop anything you don’t like, and being in charge of yourself.

Where guys go wrong is they patronize this behavior. At some point, we start to think that if we take over that role, and help the girl with all her problems, that it will land us a relationship, or whatever it is we’re after.

Not true! If anything, it just goes to pushing you further down the line of anything the girl sees as eligible. Pretty soon, you go from cute smiles and eye batting, to hardly ever looks at you, even when she’s asking for help. Which means she’s either losing, or has lost all respect for you.

Isn’t that interesting guys? Now you know how the ‘nice guy’ persona has been formed and identified. It’s by you trying to help. Amazing!

Ok, back to the girls. I get the distinct feeling you all know what I’m talking about, and you’ve at least thought about it once or twice, wondering why it is you do that. After going through this process a few times, maybe you think it’s a good social camouflage, keeping what you see as needy men out, and confident men out further.

Amazingly, what you’re doing is the exact opposite. See, the guy that is willing to help is confident enough to actually see and consider your side. He only appears needy, because the nonsense “Princess” role you act out cause guys to have the appearance of being needy. The reason being, somewhere in this role you play, you go from the role of “Princess,” (or ‘victim’ as it’s known in the Rescue Triangle) to what I call a “mean Princess.” That’s where you start projecting your feelings onto the guy who has been there trying to be supportive (Another reference to the Rescue Triangle, this is known as the role of “Aggressor”-feel to research the Rescue Triangle, here’s a link to start: https://www.co-cornucopia.org.uk/coco/articles/Rescue3/reschand.htm).

I don’t believe girls intentionally act this manipulative, but you end up this way, and the answer to the ‘Princess Dilemma’ is self-reflection. It seems girls act this way instinctively, and I think it’s equal parts the way they were treated by their parents (some would say ‘raised,’ but I think it goes much deeper than just how the parents taught them to be), the way the media betrays young girls, and then practically does a 180 degree turn when they start to address girls. And I also blame guys. Yes, I sure do. For one, many of us are allowing this behavior by accepting it and trying to sift through it, instead of saying no.

I’m not shifting blame to guys, the media, or a girl’s parents. I do think these are factors, but they are not the cause of the problem.

I blame girls for that. Girls are the cause of this problem. Instead of refusing your parents coddling you, instead of refuting how media sources try to paint you, instead of backing away from what comes to you instinctively, and instead of telling guys you don’t need their sympathy, you instead accept it, and allow yourselves to be in the position you’re in.

Girls, you’re not taking control of your lives, and instead are letting other entities get control and take you for a ride you clearly don’t want to be on. Why are you letting yourselves sit on the sideline and letting decisions be made yourself?

Again, this isn’t empowering. Hell, it’s not satisfying. Guys know this, because when we reached puberty, the first time someone other than our parents tried making a decision for us, it was the last time that person ever suggested such a thing. We stood up for ourselves and said no, and never looked back.

I understand that girls are raised and treated differently by their parents when compared to how guys are raised and treated. But at some point girls have to go from merely recognizing this, to actually applying it and stop using it as a crutch.

Ok, so now that I’ve exposed one of four things girls don’t really want guys knowing, here’s how I’m going to conclude this.

It’s the easiest way for girls to get beyond this whole “Princess Dilemma.” The more you practice this, the farther you’ll get away from it, and be able to live happy, smiling all the time, and I imagine it will reflect in your hair’s shine and body.

Don’t wait for the guy to ask you out. GO ASK HIM OUT! Approach him, catch him off guard, and tell him that you’d like to go out with him.

You’ll find that this is the ultimate in empowering your dating/relationship experience, and that you’ll actually have the chance to date who you want to, as opposed to whoever comes your way. And I’m guessing that the guys that were trying to be helpful are going to end up being the guys you go after, it’s just they won’t have that connotation of being needy, or not confident.

I’ll address this issue in more depth in other articles, I just wanted to give an overview, and give a very simple solution to getting out of the pattern.

And yes, I’m aware this doesn’t apply to every single girl. The only thing I’ll say, if the shoe fits, I guess you’re Cinderella.

The Princess Dilemma
20 Opinion