Respecting one's elders is an important social skill. Elderly people hold wisdom and knowledge. All those years of living on Earth surely can be summarized by an interesting life story and relevant life skills. In this myTake, I am going to write about how one can show respect to an elder, advantages of respecting one's elders, and what is not considered respect.
How To Show Respect To Your Elders
The key to showing respect is to listen. This means to shut up your mouth and use your ears to hear the elder's words. Even if you don't agree with what your elder tells you at the moment, you should not back-talk. Back-talking is a sign of disrespect. Back-talking suggests that you don't care what the elder is saying and you make an impression that you just want to go your own way in front of the elder's face. A healthy dose of personal shame for back-talking may be critical here, because without personal shame, you will be less likely to change your inappropriate behavior and more likely to repeat the offense.
Showing respect to your elders is about attending to the elders' personal needs, like food, entertainment, and society. As people age, they tend to be weaker and less able. If you see them struggling on the stairs, then you should approach them and guide them safely down the stairs. If they are struggling to read the fine print in the newspaper and want your help, then you should read the lines to them. If they don't want your help, then make a comment that you are open for assistance. Non-verbal communication, like tone of voice and body language, is extremely important. If your non-verbal communication and verbal communication don't match, then that may signal confusion and misunderstanding. Respecting your elders by attending to their needs shows elders that you care about them and their well-being.
Elders may come from a different generation or mindset, so they may have different values and beliefs. Understanding those values and beliefs, even when they contradict your own, is necessary to show respect. It's easy to think that your beliefs, values, and lifestyle are better or more righteous than theirs, but reality is not so clear-cut like that. One topic of controversy between older people and younger people is sexuality. Older people may not feel comfortable with any lifestyle outside of a heterosexual marriage. If you are easily offended by what they say about sexuality, then it's best to keep the discussion to a minimum. Just shrug it off, and divert to a lighter topic. You may also want to re-consider your own beliefs and values.
Sometimes, elders who are intimate with us, like parents or grandparents, will do something they think will benefit us in the long run. This may include sending us to university and paying our tuition fees, and may also include selecting a prospective marriage partner. They may have their own opinion about what kind of major we should go in, how to live during college, and what kind of person we should look for in a dating/marriage partner. At the same time, they may offer their own life experiences.
I know many young adult Americans are very repulsed by the idea of having Dad and Mom be matchmaker, but keep in mind that Dad and Mom were brought up differently than white Americans, and they might have met because of their parents' intervention in the courtship process. Also, keep in mind that if you bring a boyfriend/girlfriend to your parents, then they may think that you intend to marry him/her shortly. Understanding your elders' way of life is an important step in paying respect to them. Once you understand your elders' way of life, you may negotiate with them on important life decisions, like selecting a suitable marriage/dating partner.
Advantages of Showing Respect to One's Elders
Your elders may be your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, older siblings, older friends, boss, experienced co-workers, older schoolmates, etc. You should show respect, because respect demonstrates that you care about them as human beings and acknowledge their authority. Some people believe that showing respect would automatically mean an unequal relationship. I do not disagree with that, but at the same time, I believe that some unequal relationships are necessary in life, that there is a pecking order to maintain a harmonious society.
Older people have the responsibility to protect and not exploit younger people for evil gains; younger people have the responsibility to listen and trust. Failure to maintain responsibility on both sides will lead to abuse and dysfunction. By showing respect to one's elders, one becomes more intimate with them, and this level of intimacy has many advantages.
Elders may have wider social connections, so they may introduce younger people to other people. This is known as social networking. Elders may have more resources, which may help younger people get ahead in life. This may include financial assistance for college. Elders may have unique life experiences, especially during times of hardship, which may help younger people deal with similar struggles too. Elders may have years of experience and knowledge, which may help younger people grow to become successful adults.
Sometimes, a stay-at-home grandparent may teach her grandchildren how to cook, clean, garden, and do manual housework. Recipes can be maintained in the family by writing or by demonstration. Stories can be maintained in the family by oral tradition, and if they get passed down long enough, they become legends or myths. The stories are not completely fictional or made-up; somewhere in there is a grain of truth about life and human nature.
Therefore, I contend that everyone, from whatever society, should respect his or her elders.
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