How it Really Feels Living with Overprotective and Controlling Parents

[Anonymous]

i wanna write this my take to share that part of my life with you. I might be 22 and you might tell me to move out but I come from a pretty traditional background, so the day I'd be able to move out would be the day I'd get married i guess >:( >:( >:( .....FML

1. Getting "No" as answers

I am very familiar with getting as reply "no" when i have to ask for permission; as a result I end up being cold and distant and even cutting contact with people I know....and I end up as a damn loner.

2. Being rebellious

Being used to being told "not to do this or that" ended up making me a person that would rebel for the any single argument with them...it became like a damn reflex for me.

3. Emotional blackmail

That's just something that won't stop, like when I argue because they won't let me do something. They'll start blackmailing me emotionally and yelling at me to make me feel guilty of my response. They will be telling me stuff like, "this is how you thank us for all we did for you?" or "you are being disrespectful!"

4. Hiding things

And yea...the quote above is 100% true! You might not want to lie to them but lying IS THE ONLY WAY for me to have some privacy :( And i hate nosy people.

5. Being spied on

If I am too much on my phone or if my ringtone keeps getting heard, my mom will make faces while looking at me. Same goes for my laptop; my dad will yell at me saying "why the hell am stuck to it." --_--''

6. Feeling down

I end up crying a lot by having this built up of anger and feeling like what I feel doesn't matter at all. And sometimes mood swings (am not taking about PMS here), and even when I argue with them I'll end up into tears. I feel anxious sometimes.

7. "Because you're a girl" >:(

What's not fair is that my elder bros have way more freedom than I do...and when I asked them why it's not the same with them, their answer is "because you're a girl."

How f***ed up is that??

8. Feeling manipulated like a puppet

It's just how i feel...it's like I have no control over my own life. I live according to their rules.

#Fml

[LouisvilleGirl826]

I never got to go trick or treating as a kid, and I never got to go to sleepovers or birthday parties either because my parents were always saying "we don't know those people or who they have in their house". There was a certain middle and high school I wanted to go to, but they made me go where *they* wanted me to go.
My father loves throwing around "Honor thy mother and father" from the 10 commandments to basically make me do and act how he wants, and if I act upset over anything he says the devil is attacking me (he does this to my mother too). It's so frustrating because he refuses to see that it's him that makes me angry pretty much 100% of the time, but I don't even bother saying anything because I don't feel like getting into an argument with him. It's pointless anyway, since in his eyes he does no wrong: i. e. if I tell him his drinking bothers me, he turns it around on me and says, "what if I told you to stop eating sweets?"
One time we got into it so bad he told me to leave, and I wanted to, but before I could even get out of my room he got on top of me and pinned me to my bed yelling "You're not going anywhere!"
Needless to say I can't wait to get a place of my own, and my parents wonder why I'm going to a college in a different state (which they also, of course, tried to control and stop me from doing)

[myTake Owner]

you're lucky to be living on your own

[beebetree25]

Wow that's damn crazy... yeah you gotta go.. sounds like your dad has some issues.

[johari]

OMG so me!!! My mom didn't want me to go to friend's houses even because they might have a creepy older brother or uncle... if you know what I mean!

Looking back I get it because I've been up at night watching Dateline, CSI, Law & Order, etc. But I still feel like I missed out because I'm not that close to friends like other people are.

I don't know how I'll raise my kids. I dont want them to do whatever, whenever because I've seen some teen moms at school with parents that were never home.
I don't want the other extreme where they feel that they have to hide everything

[johari]

And Congrats on the college!!
I wanted to go to another city in my state but had to stay home and commute since they wanted me too. I won't complain since they're paying tuition though.

Have fun but dont go too crazy in college haha get use to the new freedoms first

[uknaked]

It is sad when parents are that controlling, they obviously love you, and want to protect you, but there are limits and they should know that you are now an independent adult who can make up her own mind.
Try not to fall out with them, but try to talk rationally to them, say that you appreciate their concerns, but you are an independent adult and you will be moving out if they continue being so controlling.
I suspect that the fear of losing you from their home will make them reconsider their attitude.

[myTake Owner]

happened a few times and all that happens are arguments... i tell them i might move abroad and they keep talking in a way to discourage me

[beebetree25]

Girl , you have to go. This is coming from someone that's 24 going on 25.. Although I'm American, my mom lead a hard life which in turn lead her to coddling my brothers and I.. which didn't have a good effect... As I'm now 24, just about to get my license ( take the road test... On the 4th)

Still with my parents, since I'm in school she doesn't encourage me to work.. but you don't learn independence and you won't grow..

I've learned since I have very, sweet but enabling, suffocating parents.. i have to push my self... it wasn't till I started asking them to teach me to drive was when they started teaching me.. they didn't let me take driving courses or anything... So I have to push myself to be independent or else ill be like my brother who sleeps all day and another who is damn near 30, still at home and works at a grocery store..

This is your life.. they aren't gonna be around forever, so you have to know how to take care of yourself. Just move out.. all they can say is no.. But you have to spread your wings.

[myTake Owner]

i feel like my wings are tied

[johari]

Same here "focus on school don't worry about working"

[JRICHARDS1996]

My parents were never overprotective with the exception of social media, back when the internet was still a fairly new thing. However, I was always extremely obedient in the first place, like to a fault. Where I felt like unless I obeyed them, I was imperfect or they would never be proud of me. In a sense, I missed the 'heart' of what they were trying to teach me because I focused solely on the act. That said, I think a huge problem that I am dealing with today as an adult is navigating my independence. I am so used to constantly obeying them and trying to make them happy that I cannot grasp how to make myself happy, or do what I want. Being free is a new thing to me that I am still learning.

[myTake Owner]

but still i guess you're more free to do what you want now

[AnayaWilliams]

You described my mother so well, unlike my dad he is very laid back. I'm 19 soon to be 20 this year and my mom is so overprotective of me and pretty much has sheltered me my entire life. I still live with my parents so yeah, its tough but I'll be leaving for college soon hopefully. Overprotective parents raise the best liars. I have a younger brother who gets a lot more freedom than me and he's about 4 years younger than me. I feel like if parents are overprotective and they don't let there child grow and spread there wings then when there child goes out into the real world he/she is going to be lost and confused. I've tried speaking to my mother about giving me more privacy and more freedom but it always ends up in a argument or even worse.

[myTake Owner]

very true

[BloodyCheeseBurger]

I have an over protective mom and dad. I live with my mom so she always has to know who I'm hanging out with, where they live, what's their parents number, etc. But I think your parents are more overprotective than mine. I've sneaked out a couple times or I went to my best friend house and we went out.
I think the only freedom you're going to get is if you drop a couple antihistamines in their coffee or food. It will make them sleepy and then you can go out and have fun for a couple hours. But if you do that, you should time it and see how long see sleep for.
Or just have a sit down like a family meeting and talk it out. Make a list of what's not fair. Like how your brothers have more freedom. You should get your brothers on this too. Have them back you up. You're right it's not fair what they do.

[myTake Owner]

i've tried these talks... all i got was a damn emotional blackmail or having my mom investigating.. so no

[BloodyCheeseBurger]

So they put the guilt trip on you?

[myTake Owner]

yea or they will ignore it

[BloodyCheeseBurger]

I'm sorry but your parents are rude. You're in your 20s right? I think you should save money up and leave that place. Apply for a job. If you get the job you get to stay out of the house for couple of hours away from them.

[myTake Owner]

fml :(

[BloodyCheeseBurger]

Just get a job save up for a cheap apartment

[Anonymous]

I'm 20 years old, in college and paying my own car insurance, gas and phone bill, but for some reason, I'm not allowed to:
-date
-wear makeup
-walk into Victoria's Secret. (not even to just look or buy a backpack.)
-have a Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat or Instagram

It's kinda sad and I hate it. When we go on family trips to the beach or water park, I'm not even allowed to wear a two piece bathing suit. I have to wear basketball shorts and a shirt.
I've been wanting to just move out, but I'm not financially ready just yet. It'll be another year or so until I am.

[SovereignessofVamps]

how can they stop you?

[Opinion Owner]

@SovereignessofVamps it's just my dad. He always says that as long I live under his roof, I'm not an adult.

[apple24]

whoa thats extreme! I wear make-up when ever the fuck I want and I haven't dated or care but that it. lol haha I literally work for myself meaning I don't pay car insurance or phone bill or even rent. I blew all my money at sephora the other day... And I am 21... O: Your parents would hate me!!! lol

[Opinion Owner]

@apple24 It sucks because my brothers do whatever they want, but because I'm a girl, I get treated differently.

[apple24]

same here (: But meh begin the oldest I do whatever. My mom hates the fact that I am older and basically don't need take care of... I see her sadness in her eyes haha...

[Opinion Owner]

@apple24 I'm the oldest too. Lol. That doesn't make a difference for me.

[Stuckintime]

"Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat or Instagram" I guess they don't know about GAG. That goes beyond overprotective. That is neurotic.

[myTake Owner]

i can wear makeup and stuff but apart from that i feel like i can't voice up my thoughts

[apple24]

meh... don't voice them because nobody cares not even your parents... they grew up with different beliefs and value. As long as you are yourself and believe what you believe than you don't need to tell anyone else.

[johari]

Lol I would just put make up on at school

[annbelle]

My parents are like that too. Ones I turned 18 though I moved out and now I feel more free. But If I have to make some decision I still think "What are my parents gonna think?", "Will they approve?". I love them but when I lived with them I felt like they suffocate me.

[myTake Owner]

:/ :/

[sedrftvgyhujik]

In this day and age keeping you away from your laptop is more or less also telling you not to study and learn!
the internet got me through my degree and taught me how to code, build software and games and learn all sorts much faster its the future.
Keeping you away from it is bad parenting if they put up fillters assuming they even know how try using a proxy do it inside a VM to protect your PC
you can also get to a sight from the ip address as some blocking is done once a URL is assigned.

[myTake Owner]

i don't care about them

[arineunha]

I can so relate, my mom doesn't let me do anything and in turn my dad listens to her.
My mom sneaks in my room to see if i'm studying or not. She yells at me if i'm out for more than 5 hours. She even steals my laptop and phone at night, so i have to go to sleep.

She emotionally blackmails me by saying how my boyfriend was a bad influence on me. I still get treated like a kid with no freedom but i'm expected to act like an adult. I hate my life, i am 19 for goodness sakes

[myTake Owner]

at least you're allowed to have a boyfriend -_-''

[Cccgala]

"Hiding things." THIS, OP. The melancholic feels! 😠
I conceal all things that I'm forbidden to do (even if those won't cause me any harm) from my parents especially if they are not in my parents' liking. It's like salvaging myself from being reprimanded endlessly.

When asking for permission, I know that I'd be getting an annoying, "No!", everytime I ask for it even in the most polite manner possible.

[myTake Owner]

:( ..

[kespethdude]

Overprotective parents? More like abusive parents. If I knew someone like that I'd call the CPS and get their sorry asses hauled off to prison. Don't drop the soap, "Dad". Don't get me started about the ones who think it's still ok to spank their kids for breathing the wrong way...

[myTake Owner]

:o .

[kespethdude]

My parents weren't like that, fortunately, but I have read stories about parents like that on the Internet.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I wouldn't call my upbringing "overprotective." However, two perfectionist workaholic former teachers who don't know when to stop adding things to their schedules, and have to be involved in everything, are eventually going to burn themselves out. And that's what happened. And the kids were just along for the ride - learning some bad habits in the process.

[myTake Owner]

:/ ..

[Anonymous]

Theyre just scared of what might happen to you. Its their way of showing you that they care. My parents were like that to me too, but they let me go out at times too with my friends and join school activities. But if it is too much, then id get in trouble lol. Once i turned 18 years old, that was when i met my husband, and i became a bad girl. Sneaking out, disobeying my parents, etc. But they learned to accept it cause they couldnt do anything about it.

[myTake Owner]

you're lucky to be married tho

[Opinion Owner]

It depends if you got yourself a good one or not lol. You might just end up flying into another cage, so be careful at who you're dating and gonna marry.

[myTake Owner]

i will

[Jayson101]

MY parents are difficult. They place severe restrictions on what I can and cannot do and give very bad advice. They would call up hospo training courses and cancel them impersonating me. They would send people after me at beach festivals. I have always been quite obedient but by now I am thoroughly exhausted. I am leaving the country this year. It's the only foreseeable escape.

[myTake Owner]

hope things will be better for you

[Jayson101]

Well ever since the 2008 recession parents have been molly coddling their adult children because their completely perplexed by the job market and property market and it's just insufferable. (they don;t understand the increasing importance of formal, paid for, training) My parents and their friends have this idea of keeping the adult kids at home until they cna break the property market. But really, I think the economy is NEVER that bad. The economy is NEVER THAT BAD that young ones should be robbed of a life in order to keep their parents happy. But you might need to move to places with employment opportunities and put a distance between you and them.

[Anonymous]

I feel it, 7 is so my life but I didn't start hiding stuff until last year really. Like I went on my first date and told them I was going out with friends.
I didn't tell them how a guy in class wanted to marry me for his green card.

Lol ya something gotta keep secret caz my family will flip out, lecture me, then later my brother just makes fun of me endlessly!

It's not too horrible. I understand my parents are just looking out for me but how am I supposed to learn to live in the real world?

Anyways I can't even get a job because they want me to focus on school... I've never had a first kiss so no boyfriend to be husband and move out haha

[Anonymous]

On my god this was my life growing up! Here is one for you, my parents came from a tropical country, so as soon as it got even a little cold (I'm talking less than 65F), we had to wear thermal long underwear. A little colder meant winter jacket/hat/mittens/scarf. No choice. I just resigned myself to being hot all day every day from September until April lol..

Funny thing is, as an adult, I'm constantly cold and find myself overdressing. :(

[myTake Owner]

i am from a tropical island
and how are things now for you? i mean are you still living with them? married?

[Opinion Owner]

off on my own now, but those old habits are still with me! Were your parents like that too?

[myTake Owner]

they ARE mostly overprotective but not that much about jacket and stuff.. plus i normally dress covered

[johari]

I had a similar thing except mines dressed me so I wouldn't catch a cold. I feel self conscious when im not all layered up like somethings missing or im showing too much skin... I remember my middle school friend teased me for wearing layers. It was kind of a wake up call

[Opinion Owner]

@johari sounds just like me! Do you still layer up to this day or have you grown out of it?

[johari]

Not as much but I always wear a tank top under my shirt or blouses, dresses, rompers, etc.

Not as much though unless it's winter. I dont mind it since the tank top doesn't peak through

[Sabathwolf]

Because I'm on disability I am forced to rent a room. I rent from my elderly parents to help with driving them around to yard work. It's horrible. My mom is Bipolar and won't take meds. My dad won't wear a hearing aid. It's a nightmare listening to my mom constantly bitch. Nothing I do is ever good enough. She is the most sarcastic person that I have ever encountered. If I could afford an apartment, I would be gone by the end of the day.

[myTake Owner]

oh :( :(

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I was lucky - My parents were quite relaxed - That sounds really awful, that could drive you off the rails.

[myTake Owner]

you were lucky

[beebetree25]

Yep you are lucky indeed.. every parents job Is to make a productive member of society.. not an adult baby.

[Luci92]

Have we met? You've literally just described my parents too lol (well, my mum at least)
I feel your pain tho, it sucks :/

[myTake Owner]

it sucks :'(

[Luci92]

:'( :'(

[ayylamo]

My mother has pulled the "how will you support yourself" card so many times it made me come up with the perfect game plan to move out as young as possible while being 100% financially independent.

I only have 2-3 more years of putting up with her until I'm able to do whatever I want when I want. The days of needing "permission" to do anything will forever be behind me.

[FanGirl67]

My parents are also quite overprotective but not that controlling. Yeah, they kinda tell me what I should ge doing with my future, and judge my friends, but they aren't that bad, i guess the more parents say no, the more likely you'll do it,

[myTake Owner]

true