9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

TheButterfly

1. Being afraid

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

Throughout my life, until maybe two years ago, there have been many times when I was afraid because of what my family was doing. At times I wonder whether or not I even have a family. There has always been someone abusive in my life. It started off with my father screaming at the top of his lungs over small things. Digging his nails in you because you don't handle chopsticks right. Hitting you because you dropped broccoli. Having to hide in your brother's room for days because it was the only door with a lock and you were afraid to leave.

In my experience, abuse is a contagious disease, which spread to my brother and mom once my father was kicked out. Your 12-year-old brother (I was 9) should not be dragging you by the hair across the floor while threatening to kill you or throwing you to the ground and kick you in the stomach or say that you are melodramatic for going through sexual abuse. Your mom should not try to flush your stuffed animals or not talk to you for a week because you broke a statue or put peanut butter in your hair while you sleep because you are "fat" or say everything is your fault because you were "fat" (I was not fat by the way).

2. Hurting yourself

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

For a long while, this became normal for me.The first time I saw anyone hurt themselves was when my mom hurt herself (I was nine). She took razor blades and started cutting her skin to the point of being bloody. After I saw this I thought it was normal so I started doing it when I got mad or upset. I thought that damaging yourself was better than damaging others, so I soon picked up the habit. A few years after I started, my brother started burning himself to relieve stress. Now my mom hits herself with a hammer but doesn't make herself bleed. I didn't know until I was older that this isn't normal.

3. Calling the police

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

The police knew us by name. There were two periods in my life when the police were called constantly: when my father was first kicked out and when my brother was in high school. The police were called at least a few times every few months because my father was either vandalizing something around our house or hanging around for no reason or having someone else harass us.

The police were called a lot also when my brother lived in the house (when he was a teen). This is because none of us knew how to handle arguments or disagreements. We would always scream at each other or cry at the top of our lungs or get in each other's faces or call each other vile things or try to hurt ourselves or each other. Calling the police on each other is not an effective way to end arguments.

4. Suicide/Being admitted to a mental hospital

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

My mom has been threatening suicide since I was probably 5 or 6. My brother and I both threatened or tried to kill ourselves multiple times, but my mom was mainly the person in our family that really wanted to. When I was thirteen she tried to kill herself with pills, luckily I found her before that happened. That was the only somewhat successful attempt, but don't do that to your children.

5. Ruined holidays

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

My father ruined most of them, but there were times my mom did or my brother. I love holidays, especially Christmas. One year my mom didn't want to put a tree up because there would be no presents, but that wasn't what mattered to me. Another year we were fighting until the day before Christmas and put up the tree the day before as well. Another year my brother blew up at my mom and I over nothing which ruined it.

6. Lots of lying and hiding things

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

When my mom would buy my brother and I things she would hide it from my father. Or even if we did anything fun, it had to be hidden from him because it made him angry. No one knew what went on in our house when my father lived there. From outside looking in we were a normal family, but actually far from it. You get used to sugar coating things or straight up lying to people outside your family because you think most people are not like you.

7. Pills, pills, and more pills

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

This is a more recent issue, as in the past few years. My mom has a bad habit of taking way too many pills. One time she picked me up from practice and could barely drive. Another time she took pills and ended up outside and couldn't even walk. One of the worst times was when my brother was fighting with her. I begged and begged her not to take pills. When I woke up she couldn't talk or move and I had to do CPR on her. It got to the point of I had to threaten her with Narcotics Anonymous if she did not stop. But from this, I started doing it. Big mistake. Taking a bunch of pills to knock yourself out or make you high doesn't make you feel any better or change anything. It just fucks you up.

8. Poverty

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

My father makes a six-figure income, but I have never seen a dime of it. My mom makes below the poverty line. That means since my father was kicked out my family has been on food stamps, gone to food banks, and have scrounged for every penny. I thank my mom for keeping my brother and I afloat, because if she didn't, we would be on the streets.

9. Feeling alone

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

When your in this type of situation you feel like no one else is like you. As I grew up I realized that there are a lot of people who have to go through shitty childhoods like I had.

Life after dysfunction:

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family

In the past two or three years, things have gotten a lot better for me. Especially the relationship my mom and I have. I almost feel bad writing this because I don't want to demonize my mom or my brother, I do love them. My mom is bipolar, which makes her an angel one moment and the devil the next. Most people don't understand that. My brother is also bipolar, but not medicated, but that is another story.

I will never speak to my father again, but I have learned to forgive with my mom and brother because we were all damaged and fought with each other. I can't lay blame on just them, I have to take responsibility for the fights I participated in. From the experiences with my family, I know exactly what NOT to do when I raise a family. I know not to sweat the little things because things can be way worse. I have become a very empathetic person because of my experiences. I also know what type of person to avoid and am way less naive because of my experiences.

One of the major things I have learned is life isn't perfect, but you can still find happiness.

9 Things You Think Are Normal In A Dysfunctional Family
16 Opinion