9 Annoying Things People Say If You Don't Want Kids

[ginny_weasley]

I have a 7 year old niece who I love dearly but she has the energy equal to about five toddlers. When she comes over its chaos. Moms out there, kudos. The good thing is that her mother comes and gets her. And then I realize I have a headache and need a nap.

But honestly, I am probably going to get a lot of hate for this, but I don't love kids. Even when I was a kid, I didn't like kids. Plus I do feel everybody needs a rich eccentric aunt and I have gladly taken on that role. I don't know why I don't go crazy over kids like how I do over puppies or my favorite animal, otters. But I just don't.

The lifestyle I want includes a lot of traveling, living in a tiny house, and moving to new places all the time. I want that lifestyle forever. Kids simply don't fit into that picture. It won't be fair to them to constantly be moving.

Just because I have a uterus doesn't mean I have to put a baby in it. Just like how a person who has a beautiful singing voice doesn't have to be an opera singer. My uterus, my decision.

I also have health reasons for not wanting kids. I have a rare type of blood (RH negative) and if the father is RH positive, my body will view the fetus as disease and will destroy it and force me to miscarry. Of course there is a shot to lower this chance but it's still possible. By the way, my blood type is RH negative which only occurs in 15% of the population while RH positive occurs in the other 85%.

1. What can be more beautiful than the sound of laughing children?

Silence and money.

2. You're selfish for not wanting kids.

There are so many people who want kids but can't have them, why aren't you using your gift?

Bite me, being selfish would be having kids when I don't want any. Kids do not get enough credit for how smart they are, they will notice if they are unwanted. I already plan to get my tubes tied or I may donate my eggs to an infertile couple or a gay couple.

3. You'll come around.

No I don't think I am going to and even if I do, why can't you support my decision in the here and now?

4. Is it because you hate kids?

No, I love kids but not for long periods of time. Because once their mother or father gets them, then I realize I need a nap. But if you don't leave me hell alone about not wanting kids, I will say I hate kids with a passion.

5. You're a heartless monster.

Damn right I am.

6. You don't know what it's like having kids.

You mean freedom, extra money, and doing what I want? Fuckin awesome is what it is.

7. A popular one on GAG: You're too young to decide that.

Yet I am in college and I am expected to have a career picked out.

8. Another popular one on GAG: I know you haven't wanted kids for a long time, but you are the same person you were at 8. (The age I decided I didn't want kids)

You're right. My hatred for children has only grown deeper. Other than that, fuck off. I know me, you do not know me.

9. You don't know unless you try.

And if I still hate it? What do I do then? Deciding to become a parent is an irreversible decision, I can still change my mind but I know myself well enough to know I won't.

This isn't an attack on people who want kids, if you want kids, great. But I don't. Asking engaged couples and newlyweds "when are you having children?" is totally ok to ask. The problem is when people say, "oh you're still young." Which brings me back to my question but I am not too young to have a career chosen and choose to spend thousands of dollars on college classes for training in this career? All I ask is that you respect my decision to not procreate. I will not be pressured into having kids. Having kids will be 100% my decision. And when my relationship with my boyfriend gets serious, this will be a discussion we will have.

To further explain my hatred for the most popular response when I say 'I'm don't want kids.' and people immediately go: "Well yeah, you're 19 years old. Who wants a baby at 19 it's okay you'll change you're mind, you're very young." Um.. I meant that I'm not having kids, period. Not in ten years or at any point. Just because a woman has a uterus doesn't mean she wants to have a baby in it. The world is already overpopulated, why do people want to continue to put more people into it? Also, I think it's perfectly fine for a man for choosing not to be a father or want kids either. They should not be criticized for not wanting something that will not only put a constant pull on finances but also a weight on emotional, mental and physical stress.

This girl explains choosing to live child free so well even further

[iCroissant]

I agree 100%... but try being a single guy and saying you don't want kids!
"I don't want kids"
"Your wife will want kids."
"Then I won't marry her."
"You won't marry someone because she doesn't want kids?"
"Correct! Having kids is a huge desicion that can make or break a marriage! Of course I'm going to factor that into my desicion."
"What if you want kids later on?"
"Then I'll discuss it with her and if she doesn't want to that's that."
"What if she wants kids later on. Women have a motherly sense that they eventually give into"
"First: that's sexist and not at all a guarentee. Second: I expect her to do the same: discuss it with me"

[Sara413]

If it helps, that exact conversation happens whether you're male or female.

Like... what is so hard to understand about "I don't want kids so I won't marry someone who wants kids"? Lol pretty basic shit right there...

[iCroissant]

@Sara413 yea I guess it isn't exclusively for men, but for straight men they always say "your wife will want kids" like my wife has no choice but to want kids! Like 4 different people tell me that!

[Sara413]

For women it's "you husband will expect kids"... like it's my duty to provide them for him.

[RainbowFanGirl]

I think I don't want kids either. I much rather have a ton of dogs and cats haha.

[StrangerMorrison]

Yeah, I'm totally heartless and selfish. That's also why I've probably done more volunteer work in my life so far than actual paid work, keep donating blood as long as my blood quality is good, even though I fucking hate needles and often feel like crap after the blood loss, and spend so much money to study psychology so I can dedicate my life to people who have already given up on themselves. I'm afraid I can add even more to your list.

10. "If we stopped having children, the human race would go extinct!"
So what? One day we'll go extinct anyway. And overpopulation will probably have something to do with it. Simply dying off naturally without creating any new individuals is by far the least violent way I can imagine our species ending. It would be like the peaceful, dignified death of old age that you wish for yourself. And no one will mourn us by the way.

11. "Your children would make the world a better place."
I don't owe "the world" my children. I don't owe the world anything. But I'll make it a better place for the people who already exist (and there are more than enough who need help) rather than adding even more dependent individuals.

12. "You will be happier with children."
I don't study psychology for nothing.
thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/.../think-having-children-will-make-you-happy

13. "You're depriving your children from the joys of life."
Someone who doesn't exist cannot be deprived of anything. And the greatest joy you can have in life is not being in pain and not having any unfulfilled needs, i. e. an absence of suffering.

14. "All the stupid/ugly/poor/immigrant people have so many children, they will outbreed us."
I'm already looking forward to telling my children that they only exist to counterbalance a demographic trend that some right-wing nutjobs didn't like.

15. "I think you would make a good father."
This is the one that irks me the most, by far. Rather than being a father, I'd rather be a good person by not forcing anyone to be born into such a hopelessly fucked up world.

[FashionQueen86]

This is one of the best things I've read on GAG. You literally wrote down things I've felt about kids for years.

When I was 24, I worried about it, not as in I had a dying urge to settle down and have them. I think I wanted them becuase it was such a norm for the majority of people to do so, and I felt left out.

By the time I hit 25-26ish, it's like a light switch flipped and became permanently stuck. I realized that was not what I wanted. In fact, eve the word "Baby" gives my tongue a terrible taste.

I'm currently raising puppies and I've had two dogs before these. Before, I wasn't as invovled in the last two we had when they were puppies, but now for these puppies, I'm wiping up their poo, cleaning up their vomit, and I honestly CANNOT fathom doing this for a human being. They leak in all places -- Pee, poop, snot, spit, vomit... I can't do it. Even with the dogs, sometimes their crap smells so bad I have to take a step back and turn my face. I remember shouting for the whole house to hear that I would never ever have kids.

I have suffered some hostility as well, in particular, from an older man who acted like this was the way of life and how I should live. I must get pregnant, I must settle down. I MUST do this and that. I'm just sitting there thinking what audacity does this stranger have to tell me what he thinks is best for my life. So, I asked him what about people who can't have kids? And he told me they were not worthy of marriage becuase marriage is all about kids. That man needed a brick smacked to his head.

I'm 30, and still no change.

[amarahorrorstory]

I get this. I personally want some. I want beautiful boys so I can raise them into gentlemen. I want to create a beautiful looking human, I want those memories of how my flesh and blood grew up. Sounds cocky but I think my children would be beautiful, I want to see them. But I get it. I don't love kids, they freak me out. What if they cry? How do I talk to them? But I know I'll like my own kids, they're half of me after all. My mom didn't want kids, yeah, my older sister was an accident but she's a great mom to her and I. I get the whole saving money, but I plan on waiting a while to get myself to a stable point where I can have enough to support my family and do things with them. I don't want to live a life where one of my biggest pleasures is spending money, cause right now it is. I know I could do a lot with that cash, but I don't want to be materialistic sometimes I get like that and I just would rather focus on life's simple pleasures. However, I get the whole no kids thing. There is a lot you have to give up. I'm a cat person myself and I love dogs but am not a fan of dog people (they're definitely weirder than cat people they're just more common so no one thinks it's weird) so I can't relate there, maybe a nice little cat family. There is no crime to not making babies. Some people don't feel like they're fit to do it or have the want to do it. And that's okay. It's your life! You do you!

[LittleSally]

HAHAHA What could be more beautiful - silence and money - Oh... there's something there.
I love kids - babies and toddler especially, but... I also know it's exhausting having to be with them every second of every day. It's alright for some people, and others just don't have the patience and the will to dedicate their life to kids - and having them is exactly that: renouncing your life for a couple of years and dedicating it to them almost entirely. It sounds rough, to be honest.

And yup, it's ridiculous when people think they know you better than you know yourself.

[ArrowheadSW]

I didn't read the whole thing because I'm in a hurry and it is morning. But I think it is selfish to HAVE KIDS. People who do that are doing it so THEY can HAVE kids. They WANT kids. They want to ENJOY their kids. So when I hear them say people who don't want kids are selfish, I think they are being selfish. Nothing wrong with it if they can support them and do a good job parenting! And not everyone accuses us folks who don't want kids of being selfish.

Hopefully I'll read the rest of them this evening and I am sure I'll have more to say. I am a huge advocate for NOT having kids.

[BaileyisDarcy]

I'm in between. I don't really want to have kids, but with the threat of actually not being physically able to, it makes me want to have kids one day. Just to spite my body.

Show it for trying to tell me what I can and can't do.

Since I actually got a boyfriend, everyime a baby goes past or a preggie belly, my hormones leap, telling me 'hey! Look over there! You should do that! You should make one of those!'

I really don't want kids right now.

And I especialy don't want kids until I can afford them.

But maybe one day. Maybe.

[btbc92]

Some people are not meant to have kids. Others can't deal with children. Children are supposed to be a blessing, not a curse. So your points are 100% valid. Those same imbeciles [for the ones that are] have children and suck really bad at even the basics of handling a child. Yes, the first few years can be difficult. But if you can't even get your own priorities straight, you got a problem. I love kids, but I can't handle that. I know that. I'm very well aware what I can and can't do. Things I'm not sure of, I at least be honest with that. You are NEVER too young to think on this these. In ancient times they were healthier without chemicals and such. They had their priorities straight, they had got married young and had children. Its more smart than being stupid. I am decisive. But I understand though. We were all children once. But not everybody are fit to be a parent. It is your choice. As long as your happy and responsible for those choices.

[Dlc20]

Great take. I like kids, but then again don't. I believe kids are kinda better when their parents have to pick them up after You babysit them. Plus, kids are bad. I've babysitted enough kids to see that. They can drive me crazy. They can ask a ton of questions, and seem to be always meddling in things. Then when they don't get their way they give you hell for it.

[ginny_weasley]

Exactly. Occasionally babysitting my energetic niece is more than enough "child time" for me. Especially since she is like a tornado. Last time I babysat her, she broke off a piece off of an expensive statue that my mom loves. Luckily the damage is unnoticeable.

[Dlc20]

I totally understand, I have a 7 year old cousin. She is just as you described your niece lbvs. It's like insane. Omg really? I could only imagine how you felt. That's terrible. Really? Well, at least it is unnoticeable. My cousin has a thing for technology, and she ends up everywhere except for where she is susposed to be.

[smahala1991]

I used to work in a preschool. Plus like you I have relatives who are children. But I do like kids. However that being said even though I do, I agree there is a point where I don't want my own kids. Here are my reasons. 1. Kids are cool, but having your own makes you not want to be around them much. 2. It makes time with my cousins, friends kids, and my future nephew more enjoyable. 3. In this day and age children are easy to lose custody of, but even harder to get it back once you lose it. 4. If you have a kid it hinders a lot of things. So while I love kids I don't think raising one of my own would be right for me.

[Valkyrie1]

More power to ya our population is big enough as it is and is creating a host of environmental problems. The most sustainable number is 2 and the occasional three but with country continuing to develop this number is bound to be exceeded. It is kind of depressing how saving lives can also indirectly hurt lives over population comes with a host of other environmental health issues. So glad I'm not an environmental scientist my head would explode.

[Kuraj]

I feel a lot of those people trying to change your mind are really just trying to convince themselves that they didn't make a mistake.

[ginny_weasley]

I certainly hope that's not true. If a parent feels their child is a burden, the child will notice.

[Unit1]

Damn right!

[Sara413]

I ahead long suspected that.

Lots of people I know who seem genuinely content with their lives as parents have never been dicks about me not wanting to join the club. They might be like "I super don't get it but hey whatever works for you!" And that's about it.

It's always the ones who are constantly on about how tired they are and how hectic everything is and bla bla bla that suddenly turn around and think you're insane for not wanting their life. Like, sorry, you chose this shit and that's your decision to deal with... don't get pissy with me because I see the downsides and decide it's not for me.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Number 9 is just so stupid.
Think of someone saying "how do you know you don't want surgery to get a second nose on your forehead " if you don't try it? you can get a fairly good idea why you wouldn't want it and its not exactly a hassle free thing to try out!

[LadyTerror]

This 😂 😂

[Unit1]

Yep.
Don't expect regular humans to understand to not wanting children. I for sure do not want children either. Being child free is glorious.
Been one myself, didn't like it.
Oh well. That triggers quite some people.

Children are a pain in the rear! I see everyone else is obsessed with it.

[sep780]

I do understand not wanting kids. Yeah, they can be little devils. I myself do want to be a mom though. Parenting isn't for people who don't want to be parents. That's one thing babysitting my cousins when they were little taught me. (It also taught me that I may not want more then 1 or 2 kids.)

[FallOutBoy2001]

Yeah. I don't get why other people feel the need to tell you "you NEED to have kids!"

I partially want them, but the better part of me is telling me that I will never be able to raise functioning human beings. I have enough trouble remembering to eat, and I don't want to be responsible for another human being

[sep780]

My advice, stick to not having kids until you know you're ready for them. In the mean time, take all the time you need to decide for yourself if you want to be a parent. Being an aunt/uncle in itself is awesome & for some, is enough. The only wrong answers are to have kids because you were pushed/bullied to and to have kids, then regret it or see them as a burden.

[FallOutBoy2001]

@sep780 I'd rather not view my kids as a burden, so I like your advice

[vonasaurus]

oh man, come on in for a hug... i can relate so hard lol.

i am child-free by choice, and i plan to stay that way. my man and i have 6 nieces and nephews (his brother has 4 and my sister has 2) between us, and we love them dearly... but we also love our freedom.

https://cdn.meme.am/instances/64272533.jpg

[PrincessofNohr]

I agree completely. I don't even like being around kids who are under 6 or 7, and I have no intention of having one, yet I still get some people saying "You'll change your mind" or "Just wait". It drives me nuts. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm inevitably going to have an unstoppable drive to procreate. I'll take my career and freedom, thanks.

[sep780]

I personally prefer kids under 7. As that's also when they need the most direct supervision, I don't hold it against anybody prefers older. After all, if you think about it, I'd make a horrible high school/college teacher (if I taught) due to preferring younger kids & people who prefer teens wouldn't make the best kindergarten teachers, so we do need both.

I'm not gonna hold it against anybody that doesn't want to have kids. From what baby-siting has taught me, parenting isn't for people who don't want to be a parent or aren't ready to be a parent.

[JudgmentDay]

If you're gonna be an EMT eventually you might just see more people dying or due as that's going to be part of your regular daily routine. As I've already said before: ALL BIRTHS LEADS TO DEATHS, ALL LIFE COMES WITH PAIN, SUFFERING, and much MISERIES.

YOU'RE NOT SELFISH AT ALL. PARADOXICALLY, YOU SAVED SOMEONE FROM BEING IMPRISONED AND TRAPPED IN A PRISON MADE OF MUCH VULNERABLE BLOOD, FLESH AND BONES.

[ShaeNielson]

Gee, I don't think you're being dramatic enough here.

[JudgmentDay]

@ShaeNielson

Would you want me to be more dramatic?

[crazy_eyes]

THE REAL QUESTION IS: WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?

[Sara413]

Agree except for this part:

"Asking engaged couples and newlyweds "when are you having children?" is totally ok to ask."

No. That is not ok to ask. It's a personal decision and people need to stay out of it. If and when they couple decides to have kids, that's when you'll find out. Also, asking the question with the assumption that it's a question of "when", not "if" is super disrespectful.

[fanggirl5]

I can relate to this so much. I always get the 'you'll change your mind' and get told I'm selfish. I don't even understand how a decision to not have a child is selfish. Selfish to who? Or they ask me how my husband feels about it? Like we didn't talk about having children before we got married. Fuck, I'd better run home and ask him

[Sara413]

Hahaha right? We totally bonded over not wanting kids and how much of a pain in the ass that makes dating on like our fourth or fifth hang out..

[MusicLover8098]

If you think you're weird, how about this: I don't find animals cute. Not even a little. Don't hate them. Just completely indifferent. As to kids, I just think I wouldn't be a good father. Among many other things, I'm much more of a romance lover than a kid lover.