Family & Friends

Make Amends Before It's Too Late

BeeNee a
Make Amends Before It's Too Late

We are but a few hours out from 2017 which for a lot of people means a fresh start, making changes in their lives, and trying to figure out ways to do better for themselves and their families in the new year. I think part of those changes should include making amends with family or friends that you've been on the outs with before it's too late.

Now, I'm not talking about trying to reconcile with people who have abused you mentally and/or physically to the detriment of your health and well being or those that have caused harm to you or your family in anyway--I do think you absolutely need to keep certain people away from your life for those reasons, but rather those friends and family whom you've had a falling out with over things that if you're being honest with yourself either aren't that important now, or that you know you're at a much more mature point in your life now, or because you are starting to realize that you really don't want to live the rest of your life without certain people in it. The whole process can be daunting. I mean, where do you begin if you've put up this huge wall between you and them and for so long?

Make Amends Before It's Too Late

1. Swallow your pride

If you're going to do this, than go into it without any reservations or expectations of what you think should happen when you attempt to make amends. You've probably been non-communicative for quite some time, so your approach is probably going to seem to the other person, like it's coming out of no where and for what possible reason. Go into this process with no expectation that because you pull out the olive branch or you apologize, that the other person will roll out the red carpet and let you back into their lives. You do need to go in letting the past stay where it is, because if you go in guns blazing demanding apologies and threatening the other person or constantly bringing up the past, they are going to do what you'd probably do, and shut the door and walk away for good. Swallow your pride and be the bigger person, and if the door still gets slammed in your place, know for the rest of your life, it's not for lack of you having tried to make things right.

2. Be prepared to hash it out

You may have decided to put things in the past, but the other person may not have or have been ready at that exact moment to. Be prepared to have the past brought up and pointed out and dissected by the other person...and in doing that...let them speak. Don't jump in and try to explain the situation without letting them have their say in the matter. You may have been in the wrong all along and you may need to hear what actually happened, so open your ears, shut your mouth, and listen.

Make Amends Before It's Too Late

3. Start slow

Don't expect, even if your amends goes well, to just be able to jump back into your old life with this person. Healing is a process and it may take quite a while. Don't rush. Take small steps. Decide together what is comfortable for both of you.

4. Back your actions up with proof

Maybe five years ago you were an idiot who did cause everyone around them heartbreak and harm, but if it's five years later, and the person on the ends of your amends hasn't seen you or doesn't know about your transformation. They may still view you as that same old person you always were. You can only apologize so much to a person, so instead of constantly just saying I'm sorry and trying to make up for it, show your change through your actions. Be present. Be accountable. Be the new person you are so that they can see it.

Make Amends Before It's Too Late

5. Write a letter

Sometimes that olive branch needs to be a sheet of paper. Write everything down. Explain in your words and make it clear that you want to hear the other persons POV in response and that these are just how you felt about why you had the falling out in the first place. You do however, still need to definitely try to talk to this person, in person, but a letter may be a good starting point if you are nervous or don't feel like they would even take your call or agree to meet you.

*****

The making of amends is as much about the other person and wanting and needing them back in your life, as it is about you and how you are developing and growing as a person. Sometimes we do need to get over our childish selves and learn to adult, and that when you make mistakes, you find a way to fix them and repair them rather than let them fester. If you've just been holding on to some stupid fight for years, maybe this is the time in this year, that you move on from that moment in time and not let it define an entire relationship with another person.

Make Amends Before It's Too Late
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