Typically when we think of the word deadbeat, we might think of someone who is a bad parent or significant other, and doesn't care for or about their children or you. However, a person can also have deadbeat friends in their lives that seem to show up just to ruin things or only care about themselves and their own needs and in their wake, they leave the crumbs of destruction, pain, anger, and resentment.
Case in point, in college, most of what I considered my good friends and family were coming to my graduation including what I thought was my friend. I'd reminded her, like everyone else 2 weeks out, and the night before. Graduation comes, and she's a no show. I called her afterwards thinking something might have happened to her and she had the nerve to tell me on my graduation day, that I should have called her and reminded her to wake up in the morning--even though at 22, I wasn't her mom and she was a grown woman with an alarm clock like everyone else who did show. It infuriated me to no end how incredibly selfish she was and started me thinking of all the things I'd done to support her and help her and how most of my interactions with her were like this. She made promises, broke them, blamed everyone else for them, but her expectation was that you should definitely be there for her and all her needs. Not only that, she was often the source of a lot of drama which I knew going forward, I really didn't need in my life.
Deadbeat friends, much like deadbeat parents, are self-involved. Even when they can see that you are in hurt or pained by something they did, they either make empty apologies or none at all and never try to fix the situation or promise to make it up to you and never actually do. It's a constant cycle that often those with good hearts and good intentions fail to see. Most are master manipulators. They do one nice thing and you feel as though their behavior is getting better, but then they turn right back around and do something worse to you that let's you know, down the line, its probably going to be more of the same with them as long as you allow them to seep into your life and under your skin.
Once you recognize the problem, it is you who will have to put your foot down because you are the one constantly getting hurt. You must do everything in your power not to let them into your life if you don't want the same patterns to repeat themselves. The problem with this as noted above is, often that you want to give someone you consider a friend another chance, but at a certain point, you've given them 3, 5,10 chances, and it's not worth it. Refuse to play their game or except empty promises. If they get angry, that's on them because you need to be done with their drama and false apologies. Get them off your social media, delete their phone numbers, don't accept invites from them to hang out. You have to "break up" with this person in order to really be free. It may still take you a while to shake them from you system especially if you hear from other friends that they want back into your life and they've tried so hard to contact you, etc, etc, but unless you want to start the games back up again, don't do it, because more than likely you'll be the one once again, being hurt by them.
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I've known a few women like this - but they were the kind of people that no one wanted to be friends with. Thankfully I've neer had friends like this.
I have one friend who is not demanding and neither am I, so when we don't feel like going somewhere it's fine by us if we're not there... so that's a mutual understanding (unspoken, though)...
But the rest of my friends love being there for everyone any time, they're ready for anything - and I appreciate that side of people too... and reciprocate as much as possible.
It's tough when you try to love and trust a person but they don't see you as valuable as they see themselves - but you live and learn.
I think it also allows you to see and appreciate your awesome friends and just how awesome they are when you've seen what a deadbeat friend is like.
Very true.
Yeah.
One particular follower on here who I wish would bug off.
Tried unfollowing him but what a wimp he is. Keeps sniveling every time I unfollow him and tries to get everyone else to pit him.
Other than that, offline, i have it handled. I choose my friends very carefully.
I have seen some in action. I know some, however, I have avoided them for the whole of my life. I have a pretty good Drama Detector.