I'm Married, But I'm Not Having Kids. So Get Over It!

adamjanovic
I'm married, but I'm not having kids. So get over it!

Yes, my husband and I have been married almost four years now, but early on in our relationship we both decided that neither of us ever wanted to have children. As far as I know I have no fertility issues, and I'm physically able to reproduce, but I choose not to. It's not that we dislike children, we have a nephew we love and many of our friends have kids, but ever since I was a child and still today I have never had any desire to be a mother. I'm tired of people telling me "you'll change your mind" or "don't you want a family?" No, I will not change my mind and I do have a family, it just doesn't include kids of my own.

While I have absolutely nothing against people who do have kids, I've come across some individuals who perhaps didn't really want kids but had them either because their partner wanted them, all of their friends were having them, their family is pressuring them, or they "accidentally" got pregnant to try to force their partner to commit to them. I don't think any of those are good reasons to have kids, if you have them it should be because you want them. Very often those people I mentioned, at some point, despite their best efforts will start to feel resentment towards their children and quite likely their partner as well, which the kids will inevitably pick up on and this could destroy their family. I've seen it happen many times, and I don't want that to be me. I've been told that people who choose not to procreate are selfish, but how is it selfish not to bring an unwanted child into the world?

While most of the people I know who have children are very accepting and not judgmental of my choice not to have kids, I've come across many who are not! I can't tell you how many times I've been judged and treated like a second class citizen by women who think that if you're not part of the mommy club, you're a waste of space. I have never judged people who wanted kids, so what business do they have judging me for not wanting them? I almost quit my job a year ago because of a co-worker of mine who had had fertility issues but then after having two babies decided that people who have kids are basically God's chosen ones, and those who are childless, especially childless by choice, can go to Hell. She treated me like crap, and was one of those few who thought that having kids gave her special privileges. As she pointed out to me more than once "who cares if you have to work tons of overtime? It's not like you have kids to go home to like I do." Fortunately, after her second maternity leave she decided to be a full time stay-at-home Mom, but unfortunately, I've dealt with, and I'm sure will continue to have to deal with others like her. As I said, while most of my friends with kids don't treat me as any less of a friend, some do. Since having kids, some of these "friends" have begun excluding me from get togethers that we all used to go to, because apparently now it's "mommies only," and they don't want some childless yuppy hanging around with them. This is what hurts me most of all.

I'm writing this to tell others who are like me that if you don't feel the desire to be a parent, it's okay. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not alone. To people who do have or want children, while I know that the majority of you do not do this, please don't judge us, exclude us, or try to convince us to change our minds. It's our life, our choice, and we are happy with it.

I'm Married, But I'm Not Having Kids. So Get Over It!
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