Let's Just Be Friends

ilyalucid

You’ve been there: you’re friends with someone that you know is into you romantically, but you just don’t share those feelings. You genuinely like the person, and you don’t want them to ruin the moment or the friendship by making a move, and it’s just a whole mess of awkwardness. You sit there on the couch, watching a movie together, and just think to yourself “please, please, please don’t try and kiss me. I’m just not…attracted to you.”

Sometimes the fear of those moments weighs on you so much that you will even avoid spending time with said person, or only do so in the company of other people. You don’t feel good about it, you wish you did see the other person as they saw you, but your sexual impulses are out of your control, and so you play this cat and mouse game indefinitely. Or until you grow a pair and just put it out on the table (which, in a universe that loves irony as much as ours does, will most likely result in the other person saying “what are you talking about? I have no interest in your romantically.” Whoops.)

So, we’ve all been there. Now, the only thing that sucks more than that is when YOU’RE the one who wants more than just friendship, and the other party just wants to be friends. And the only thing that sucks more than THAT is when it keeps happening to you. At a certain point you wonder, what am I doing wrong? For guys, the general answer is that you’re “too nice.” That you fall in the friend zone because you act like her trusted sidekick instead of the mysterious stranger that lurks in shadows, ready to romantically whisk her away on your motorcycle. I couldn’t speak to what the problem is for girls, not being one myself, but I would imagine it’s probably more of a physical thing, as guys’ sexual attraction tends to be more “look-centric.”

Regardless, it’s a tough nut to crack, and being repeatedly told “let’s just be friends” certainly weighs on you and leads to a lot of introspection. Some of us will just resign to this role of “the friend.” If this is you, you will likely spend a lot of time not getting laid, and then meet someone when you least expect it. Yay. Others will be more proactive. You will try to change your image. You’ll get your nipples pierced and start wearing fishnet. You’ll go on seduction seminars and join pick-up artist forums. You’ll be like Don Cheadle in Boogie Nights, constantly trying to reinvent yourself. And then one day, with any luck, you’ll meet someone who likes you for who you really are. As long as whoever that is isn’t too buried beneath hair dye and mascara.

We are brought up being told it’s fine to be just the way we are. “You’re perfect, just the way you were made.” What they forgot to add was, “be just the way you are. Until you start dating, at which point you need to start being a lot better.” Yes, we need to stay true to ourselves; of this there is no question. But we can no sooner “just be ourselves” than Israel and Palestine can “just be themselves.” They’ve been being themselves for a while now, and how well is that going? No, it’s important to understand what the world requires of you, and to take the “you” that you are, and make it work within that context. Otherwise, when it comes to taking it to the next level with the girls or guys you are attracted to, you’ll be hearing these words a hell of a lot. “Let’s just be friends.” Notice how I don’t actually give advice on HOW to avoid this dreaded friend zone. That’s because I have no idea. For that, go on a seduction seminar. I know I’m saving up for one. But what I can do is offer you this video we put together in honor of those four dreaded words.

Maybe you’ll relate to it and it will help you somehow. Maybe if you’re not so good with words, you can send it to that girl or guy who just LJBF’d you--Alex says it pretty well himself. And if nothing else, it will let you know that you’re not the only one out there suffering. We’re all in this LJBF thing together.

About the Author

Ilya Polyakov is a freelance film director living in Los Angeles. A graduate of Emerson College in Boston, he has made commercials for numerous companies that have aired nationally, and recently directed the music video for “Let’s Just Be Friends” by Alex Lewis. The song and video gained viral popularity immediately upon being released, and Ilya and Alex are teaming up for an encore video at this very moment. Ilya is currently seeking representation as a director.

Let's Just Be Friends
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