10 Things I Learned from Babysitting a 2 Year Old

Anonymous

10 Things I Learned from Babysitting a 2 Year Old

My hats off to all parents "dealing" with toddlers because they are wonderful, cute, amazing creatures a lot of the time, but a lot of the other times, you're dealing with creatures who can make you forget that they can be wonderful, cute, and amazing. I was warned by my brother going into this one 24/7 week with my 2 year old nephew, that he's not exactly that cute as a button snuggle bear he was when last I saw him 6 months ago. Leading up to his visit, the warnings became more and more frequent and about more and more things to the point where I started to genuinely get nervous, but as they say, nothing can really and truly prepare you.

1. Toddler Speak = Foreign Language

Toddlers are of course learning to speak, in this case, English, so not every word is a word or is slurred together, or it's trying to be a word. So a lot of the time, you sit there and you just sort of go, huh?, nod your head, shake your head, look confused, or grin like an idiot because you have no friggin' idea what your toddler just said or the times that you do, you're so pleased with yourself, like I got one! I understood something s/he said. Okay!

10 Things I Learned from Babysitting a 2 Year Old

2. Bruce Lee has nothing on the power of a toddler

When your toddler is having a tantrum, you can be head butted, crotch kicked, hit, scratched, things can/will be broken or tossed across the room, and/or punched. And I know those who have never been around a toddler are going...well, if it were my kid, s/he would behave and wouldn't do that. To that I say, ahahahahhahaaha! Toddlers are learning about impulse control, and at that age, they don't have it, so they get frustrated really easily, and you constantly have to work on getting them to use their words instead of their body parts to tell you what they want until they do get it. Until then, become like Neo in the Matrix to avoid bodily injury and make sure everything you give them is plastic or cannot be easily broken.

3. No means everything

No means yes, maybe, I want it, I don't want it, I'm listening, I'm not listening, I understand, I don't understand, sort of, kind of, I'm not sure, it's hot, it's cold, it doesn't hurt, it does hurt, they're sad, they're happy, yes they do want popcorn, and...

10 Things I Learned from Babysitting a 2 Year Old

4. Sleep is the enemy

Just imagine in the middle of the last game of the season between your favorite team and their forever rivals, I walked in before the tie ending shot and just unplugged the tv...yeah, that's how toddlers feel every time you suggest they go to sleep.

5. However...one does not F--K with nap time

Yeah, they may hate it, but you will regret the day you were even a twinkle in your own parents eye if you think you're going to skip giving a toddler their nap time. Go ahead, try it, and report back on how well that worked out for you.

10 Things I Learned from Babysitting a 2 Year Old

6. You might want to invest in insane asylum padding

Everything is dangerous to your toddler. EV-ERY-THING! Even soft innocent looking things. They will find a way to hurt themselves on it or with it. I could have an empty room with no furniture and he'd probably just slip and fall, and hit his head on a wall. All I can say, is other than your standard baby proofing, it's a lot of anticipation of moving things out of the way, or taking things away even if they cry, or developing a six sense for the potential danger around them.

7. Proof is in the video

Your toddler could do something super cute or amazing or wonderful in front of you 12 times in a row, but if someone else enters into the room, and you're like, omg, look what my toddler can do, they will NEVER do it. They will turn on you. They will make you look crazy. They will set you up to fail. All I can say is record everything...you liar.

10 Things I Learned from Babysitting a 2 Year Old

8. Mood swings are not just for pregnant women and teens

Case in point: in one 2 minute exchange my nephew was laughing hysterically. A minute later, he burst into intense thick droplets of tears and screaming because he didn't want me to eat ONE of his grapes. Then 30 seconds later, he was smiling and laughing again. This can happen 96 times a day. 97. 98. 100...

9. You, the adult, will hate rain

In this one respect, toddlers are a lot like dogs. They need to be turned loose ever so often to run wild like the wind outdoors. They need to release their toddler energy into the environment. This is something that cannot occur indoors with any regularity without you losing parts of your sanity. You will hate rain, because rain means, you are trapped indoors trying to entertain them and keep them from intensely exhibiting numbers 8, 6, and 2.

10. Your new schedule is...

Wake up when they wake up. Eat when they eat. Nap when they nap. Finally put them to bed and try to accomplish all the chores, all your work, any sort of tv watching, all the things, before you pass out from sheer exhaustion. Repeat. Wake up when they wake up. Eat when they eat. Nap when they nap. Finally put them to bed and try to accomplish all the chores, all your work, any sort of tv watching, all the things, before you pass out from sheer exhaustion. Repeat. Wake up...

10 Things I Learned from Babysitting a 2 Year Old
14 Opinion