5 Rules For Staying Out of the Friend Zone - For The Guys

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While there are many that would argue the existence of the proverbial friend zone, there's no arguing that there are probably hundreds of thousands of guys who are being told, "I see you only as a friend" at this precise very moment. Try telling those guy there's no friend zone.

Many will have a run-in with this dreaded scenario and learn from the experience, but many others will most undoubtedly find themselves constantly getting a rejection notice from the girl they've been secretly pining for.

After the third "no thank you" it all starts to seem like a curse. If you suffer from chronic friend zone syndrome (good enough for friendship, but unacceptable as a love interest) you start to ask yourself questions like, ‘what's wrong with me’ and ‘why do they keep going for the douche’?

I’ve learned early on life that it is only when you ask the right question you will get the right answer. Is it really you or could it be something you're doing? More importantly, if you were to change your behavior, is it possible it could change your circumstances?

Einstein's definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Not being tall enough or being too skinny are really just excuses. It is most certainly your actions that are getting you the friend zone status you've come to loathe and if you want a different outcome, you must start doing things...well, differently.

The kind of guy that frequently gets friend zoned make the same mistakes his fellow FZ brothers make. Most guys go scrambling for answers and solutions only after they've been friend zoned for the umpteenth time. The key is to avoid getting categorized as only a friend in the first place. Break this pattern of self-sabotage and you will never find yourself in the friend zone again. Here are 5 simple rules to live by that can not only help keep you out of the friend zone, can help increase your chances with women starting today.

RULE 1: Be an asset, not a tool

The difference between being an asset and a tool is that assets become more valuable over time. Tools are only used as needed and are very easily replaced.

Knowing how to fix computers or a car, taking great photographs, having great listening skills, being able to play an instrument, or whip up a mean omelet are small qualities that can make you an asset and fun to have around. On the other hand, being asked to move heavy furniture, picking up dinner from the Chinese Buffet or being called to pick her up after an argument with her boyfriend makes you, say it with me… a tool! This must stop. You must to learn to be yourself and be giving without compromising your integrity.

Action plan: Focus less on rendering favors and start playing up your strengths. What are you good at? What do you know? What can you do? Skills and knowledge are like badges of honor. If you don’t have any, start collecting some by taking on lessons or classes.

RULE 2: Be Accessible, Not Available

Are you Mr. Plan Z? In other words, are you the guy she goes to when there's nothing to do or plans fall through? Does she assume you're always available and doing nothing, but waiting for her phone call?

You may assume that you will lose all chances of romantic opportunities if you don't stay close and make yourself unapologetically "available" at the drop of a dime, but there's a big difference between being accessible (easy to reach) and available. When you're too available, you run the risk of looking desperate, boring and easy. Worst yet, it says that your time isn't valuable - not attractive!

Consider the images associated with busy people. Busy people are thought of as movers and shakers, on the go, serious types who have very little time to waste. They're very hard to get to and when you do get to them, you had better make whatever time spent together count. That conjures up sexy images usually associated with the rich and famous.

If you however are obviously always there, waiting and pining because you have absolutely nothing better to do, then you will easily become the toy she doesn't want to play with until she’s bored, or someone else wants to play with you.

Action Plan: The only time you should be accessible is when you’re doing something. Groupon and Living Social makes this easy and inexpensive. Become the Plan A guy by filling your time with fun and adventure and when you’re not busy being busy. Get triple points if you have fun with other women.

RULE 3: Be Confident

Want a sure fire way to completely turn a girl off? Tell her how much you suck. Self-deprecating humor can be funny, but if you're suffering from low self-esteem, you most undoubtedly walk around with a dark cloud of self-doubt, pity and negativity. These qualities make you appear to be a loser and nobody wants to be with a loser.

Confident people are attractive because they make those around them feel confident. If you're mopey and constantly need to be talked off a ledge, your presence isn't always going to be welcomed.

A lack of confidence can affect your life in detrimental ways. You'll get overlooked in many areas of your life, from promotions at work to consideration for romance. Your lack of confidence could be the reason you wait to make your first move. "Wanting to get to know her a little" is really just an excuse not to put yourself out there and gets you a direct flight into the friend zone.

Action Plan: The beauty about confidence is that you can literally fake it till you make it. Conveying confidence is simply a matter of carrying yourself well, looking people square in the eyes, smiling, being open and using positive, empowering language. Practice daily positive self-affirmations. For every negative thought, counter it with a positive. Over time, these new habits replace the old negative ones. It is essential that you convey positivity and happiness in order to get beyond the friendship barrier.


RULE 4: Be Interesting So She'll be Interested

All of the things that make you an Asset, as discussed above, also help make you interesting. Ever hear how some people talk about someone and the things they can do? They'll say things like, So&So is sooo good at this, or So&So knows how to do that. Think about the tone of admiration and respect that usually accompanies those kinds of statements.

Now think about what your friend would be saying about you to others when you're not around? Is there anything you can do that she would be impressed to talk about? What natural talents do you have that instantly make you stand out?

It is vital that you don't hide these things about yourself. Again, wear them like your badge of honor. They are what make you interesting. Consider the fact that if you’re giving her something to talk about, even when you’re not around, you stay at the top of her mind for all the right reasons. That is usually a really good thing.


RULE 5: Go For The “Right” Girl

Contrary to popular belief, most women are not actively seeking out the jerks, douches and dirt bags that seem to bag us all. Is it possible that perhaps you and the jerk have the same taste in women?

We all have different backgrounds and experiences that make us who we are and when it comes to love, some of us really haven't been primed for cultivating sane, healthy relationships. Just like a woman can have a propensity to go for the bad boy, you may have a penchant for the bad girl, who is just as emotionally unavailable and unstable as her male counterpart.

There's just something about forbidden fruit that can be insatiably attractive, but you can't keep going for the bad apple and wondering why it's rotten to the core.

Action Plan: It's time to evaluate your choices in women and consider adjusting your preferences. It could be the 20% of change that gives you 80% of your new, more favorable luck with women (although lucks got nothing to do with it). You don't have to compromise on the things you want, but you should filter out those girls that come with drama and baggage you are not equipped to deal with.

When you put all these little changes together, they help create a more attractive portrait of who you are. You must also learn balance and understand the art of reciprocity. Any relationship where one party gives more than the other is doomed for failure. You can and will stay out of the friend zone, by upgrading yourself and your standards.

Carpe Dating!
5 Rules For Staying Out of the Friend Zone - For The Guys
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