My boyfriend and I have been dating 2 years now and he hasn't introduced me to his family. I did ask him about it last Christmas and his reason was because his nieces were mad at him for breaking up with his last girlfriend. I can't help but feel that is a pretty weak explanation. I don't know if he knows he doesn't plan on being with me for a long time or if he is ashamed of me. His past girlfriends all were brought home. Why not me? What do you think I should do?
Additional info: He shows me pics of his family and his family has access to his mobile me photo gallery which has a lot of pictures of me in it from the 4 extended weekend trips we have taken over the past two years.
I suspect he may get picked on due to the fact he is the youngest of 4 siblings and he is the only one not married w/kids and he is 33. I have brought up the issue now 3 times. He is a master at letting me vent but not actually resolving the issue.
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Then perhaps he feels pressured by his family to get married. It's not that he may or may not be thinking that far ahead in your relationship, but maybe they would pick on him a lot and say little comments like, "So, when are you two going to tie the knot?" And just put himself and you in awkward positions. It's not relevant that he's introduced past girlfriends to his parents. It's possible that he did and it didn't go very well for him, so he's learning from his past experiences. Either way, you should talk to him and communicate your concerns to him. But it does sound like he may be ashamed of how his family would act around you guys or create preconceptions of marriage that he's not ready for.
My dad AND his new wife are violent and abusive and I haven't spoken to either in over 10 years.
My mom's parents are mean, drunk, alcoholics and we don't really speak to them anymore.
My girlfriend would meet my mom and my brothers but that's it, no extended family.
It's not her at all, It's that I can't even trust my own family to act decent and treat her respect so I'm not even going to expose her to that. I explained this to her in part last night and she completely understood. Some of us have families that we are not proud of, please keep this in mind.
Yes! That's an issue that he hasn't introduced you to his family after all that time. Tell him exactly how you feel and tell him it's a bit of a dealbreaker when you feel a man is too ashamed to bring you home to his parents.
Yes definitely because either he is a shamed of you or his family. To be togethet that long and still haven't sends red flags unless his parents are dead or something.Because if you want a future with someone and you decide to get married wouldn't you like to know what you are marrying in to.
You should totally be worried. If there was a real reason for him not introducing you to his family then he sould be up front about it and explain. By not talking to you he is making you worry... even if he's not telling you because he just doesn't want to get picked on by his family. You need to sit him down and make sure that he realises how much it upsets you. Make him see that you don't care what the reason is but you just want to know what the problem is!
I would be highly suspicious. I think he is hiding something. If he can bring other girlfriends home and not you that is a problem. Call him out on it, you deserve to know why. Is it possible he is not that serious about you? He may not plan on being with you for a long time, that is definitely the idea I would get from that if I were in your situation.
YES YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED! He probably has another girlfriend that the family knows about! And guess what? you're the secert! Why aren't you allowed to meet them?!? That's BS! Dump his ass, what a lie! Don't fall for that!
I think it really depends on his family. With me, I wouldn't be comfortable enough introducing my boyfriend unless I know for sure it's going somewhere serious, mainly because my family is very traditional & are the types who think once you have a boyfriend you will keep him for life & get married to him. With my ex because he was so close with his family, he wanted me to meet them 4 months into the relationship. But considering it's been two years and he's introduced his past gf's to his family before you, he should really give you a better reason than what he did. Have you introduced him to your family? Maybe he doesn't want to do it until he sees what your family is like just to be completely sure.
Ok, I'm not a guy, but I came across your posting and I have the same issue! I have been with my fiance for 4 YEARS and still haven't met any of them. How do you think I feel? They do live hours away, but thast is still no excuse. He shows me pictures of all them, talks to them on the phone in front of me/about me, but still has never introduced me to any of them. He is also a master of letting me vent and not resolving the issue! Kind of like he lets you express how you feel and accepts it, but never actually SOLVES it. Then you don't want to talk about it anymore because the issue has been addressed, and you feel you can always talk about it later, right?
He is 32 and was in 2 previous relationships with women for about 5 years each, and left the last woman for me, so I think maybe his family thought he was going to marry them or those were "the ones" and now bringing me home (who is 10 years younger) he feels like he wants to be absolutely sure and comfortable before bringing them into it. So maybe your boyfriend's family felt as if he was going to marry his last girlfriend, and he wants to make sure you guys are really serious and together for a while before introducing you to his family/nieces. Not all men are the same and he is probably just finding ways to put it off as long as possible to avoid any ill feelings that may surface. It's not that you don't deserve to meet them, or that he doesn't want you to, it's an issue with HIM..probably a commitment issue. I'm only hoping your man will realize you aren't going anywhere one day and have a change of heart, as will mine...hope this helps :)
I think there maybe something wrong. He is ashamed of someone possibly either you or his family. But I don't think it would be the family if he has introduced his past girlfriends. Maybe all you need to meet is his parents, not the nieces. Say that. Maybe there is something he is hiding about his family... I'm not sure.
From experience, I did not introduce my boyfriend to my parents. I had an extreme case since my parents want a certain type of guy and he was not the definition. So I didn't want to and he got frustrated over the relationship. I think he felt he was not really close to me because he had introduced me to his family. But he also understands I live in a different culture than his and when you do introduce the guy to the family, it's because you would want them to be your husband. lol I only became serious after we got fights about my parents. I felt like I would lose him but then after, he was ok not meeting them. I felt bad.
It could also have something to do with the circumstances of how he broke up with his last girlfriend/got together with you. Was there overlap?
because my uncle brought his new girlfriend, a woman he worked with, on a family vacation maybe eight weeks after splitting up with his long time girlfriend... Needless to say, it was obvious to all (who loved the old girlfriend to bits) that the new girlfriend wasn't so very new after all... Both of them were talked about constantly, and viciously, behind their backs the whole trip, multiple family members blew up at him and then wouldn't speak to him at all...
of course, regardless of how you may have gotten together or what his family thinks about the old girlfriend, he is an adult and he chose to go out with you for two whole years. You deserved to meet his family ages ago... Or at least deserve a much better explanation of why not. If he sees you as long term, which two years definitely is, then meeting the family symbolizes that. I would talk to him about it.
I think what he told you is a poor excuse. It sounds like he's hiding something from you. Whether it's a family he's ashamed about or something else. Either way I would think that after 2 years he'd feel comfortable enough with you to be straight up. If he's ashamed of his family then he shouldn't feel like he can't tell you. I'm not always proud of how my family acts and I'm hesitant to tell them about my love life. It's not because I don't plan on having a future with my boyfriend or that there's something wrong with him. But I've talked to him about this and he's been very understanding. I would suggest talking to him about it because it's a concern you have and it's a valid concern. Don't attack him, just wonder what's up with his reluctance.