Is it okay for my boyfriend to hang out with his ex?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and recently he hung out with one of his exes. I told him I was okay with this but deep down it just hurts that he feels the need to hang out with her. They've known each other for 6 years and he says he cares about her a lot. He told me that she does like him again and now I feel threatened and the need to compete with her. He says that the only thing they do is talk and they feel very comfortable around each other. At first, I got angry and every time he brought her up I would ignore him but I saw that this was just hurting the relationship more, so I told him I'm sorry and I will have more trust and faith in you because you deserve that. They are now hanging out again and I feel like it has become a weekly thing. Am I being selfish that I want to hang out with him on the weekends? Every time I try to talk to him, it feels like I'm wrong, but I know I'm right. What should I do?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I know how you feel. The best thing though is that he is HONEST with you... My (ex) boyfriend however was NOT. I'm upset til this day... Unfortunately, my ex would tell me that he hates her, etc. and it's true that he doesn't want her in his life (at least social life) and I see now that he keeps her at a distance. I on the other hand (when we were together) was in his life. But I found out that behind my back, he would hang out with her... I have the photos to prove it. So be thankful enough though that he would tell you he is going to hang out with her. HOWEVER, since you know you should definitely let him know how you feel (which you have) and he should have more respect to YOU... Or else maybe that ex should meet you and hang out with you 3...
He needs to set boundaries and you need to let him know that you will trust him, but it's either her or you if he is going to spend time with this girl frequently. I don't know what his ex's motives are but I find that usually when the guy dumps the girl, she wants him back even if he has someone which is very unfair. (That's how his ex was with my boyfriend.)
Keep your guard up... it's a tricky situation, especially if you don't know her. But don't be naggy either or else it will definitely show a bad and extremely insecure person- which may cause him to lie as my own ex did. I would tell him to stop talking to her but they end up talking again. It was cruel. He still talks to her AND me... And STILL has her out of his social life... I don't even know why she would want to be with him then. lol I don't get exes who still want to be in their exes lives all the time. I've moved on from my past.
What Guys Said 1
I had a girlfriend who was still in high school I had graduated the year earlier and we lived kinda far apart. She would tell me how she talked with her ex boyfriend and he needed a hug one day and how he kissed her. This p*ssed me off. She would say crap like he knows me better than you. This is really bad news bears and if he isn't cheating its really worse if he tells you about it. I would tell him know. This is sort of gender neutral but I have seen a girl really play me and seem to go on some ego trip with an ex who still seemed to have feelings for her. Her ex kinda hated me as well always threatened to kill me in various interesting ways.
What Girls Said 3
I'm in the same position and we were together for 4 months. This started happening and now he won't even talk to me. He ignores me and won't return my phone calls. His mom said he loves me and let him grow up and if he comes back he comes back but we have dated like 5 times and have been friends 10 years. I have a kid now but he knew what he was getting into and his ex girlfriend even has a kid younger than mine. He said he would always care about her and love her. It sucks! Just be prepared for things to just fade away without him even telling you or for you to become the second string and him not even tell you. It sucks! This is the second boyfriend it has happened with! I told my man that I trusted him and it was her I didn't trust and that I loved him with all my heart but that was not good enough for him I guess because then when I would talk to him he would just blow me off and tell me I was being jealous.
Honestly, 6 years is a long time to know someone. It's hard to break something like that off completely. You can tell him you're uncomfortable with all the time he spends with her because she likes him. And that hanging out with her all the time will only make her like him more which isn't fair to her anyway. But you can't expect them to stop talking completely. I don't think it's selfish of you to want to spend more time with him at all. I suggest you get that point across to him and then stop bringing it up completely and bite your lip when he talks about her. Do that for a little bit and then tell him how much you wish you could hang out with him more -- without bringing her up at all. He'll probably be more likely to listen to you because you were so tolerant.