Will drinking before first-time sex help calm my nerves?

[Anonymous]

I'm talking just a glass of wine. I'm 22 and he's 29 and we've been together for 2 years, but because we're in an LDR we haven't slept together yet. We love each other and very much want to have sex, but it'll be my first time so I'll be nervous for sure. And I can't take a lot of pain.

Alcohol makes me relaxed, but I never get sloppy or actually drunk. So do you guys think a glass would help me enjoy sex a little more? (My guy probably won't have any - we don't want him having any issues don't there lol!)

Go for it!

Don't bother - it won't help.

Updates

+1 y

* FYI, I only drink on special occasions. The last time I had a glass was on vacation three months ago.

[Anonymous]

I tried that before I wanted to have sex because it really makes me relax and I'm always a happy drunk, but it failed horribly!!!
First off, alcohol, even just one drink (like my case) dehydrates you. So the time you need line the most you don't have it. Being a little buzzed also made me super paranoid (which never happens to me) and I couldn't relax because I knew it was a big moment and it just did not go well. We tried that night but I couldn't get it in far enough to say I really lost my virginity.
I had to try a few times before I got it all the way in actually.
Don't drink to calm your nerves. You should be fully in the moment and just go with it. Start slow with kissing and then fingers to try and loosen you up, but it will hurt regardless of if you drink and the alcohol will only dry you out and make you more nervous.

[Asker]

Alright. Thanks :)

[Opinion Owner]

Lube the most, not line lol but yeah.
Have you met before? Or is it a boyfriend that moved away?
You may need some time to adjust to being in his presence and actually touching. Go at your own pace, and don't feel pressured like you have to be moving faster, or that you've come all this way and you NEED to have sex. Go slow and make sure this guy really cares about your feelings and comfort

[Asker]

Gotcha. Hopefully I won't need lube as I get really wet around him... sorry, TMI.

We've met three times and were immediately comfortable around each other. We're VERY physically intimate and just love touching each other. The first time we met (after 9 months of online dating), he kissed me within 10 minutes of us meeting at the airport, and over the next few days I was comfortable enough to let him explore my upper region and then I went down on him several times. TMI again... but yes, he really does care about my feelings and comfort :) During the three times that we've met, he's never once suggested we have sex or even mentioned it. If I bring it up during our nightly phone calls, his answer is usually, "We'll have sex whenever you're ready, babe. I'm not going to pressure you - I'm happy to wait."

[Opinion Owner]

Aww! Well I'm sure it'll be a great first time then :)
I would still say get lube just in case. For me I was such a baby it took me forever to get it all the way in and the pain makes you dry up quite a bit lol the lube helps keep his thing from sticking to your lips when he tries to push in
Good luck and thanks for mho :)

[Asker]

Jeez. That doesn't sound pleasant! I will definitely get lube then, thank you for the advice :)

[Opinion Owner]

I recommend silicon lubricants because water based ones are always freezing and dry out really quick. Silicon feels like natural lube, doesn't dry out, stays perfect temperature even in a cold room, doesn't get tacky or sticky is super slippery and lasts the whole time :) :)

[Asker]

Awesome :)

[Anonymous]

I decided to drink to calm my nerves when losing my virginity and it just made things feel so much worse. It didn't help with the pain at all, and the next day it all felt so hazy which sucked because I couldn't really remember it that well at all (which may be a blessing in disguise). The best way to relax is to make sure you're turned on and going at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Make sure you are lubricated, if not naturally use lube, and make sure to include lots and lots of foreplay. It's only natural to be nervous especially with something like this, but I promise that as soon as things start to move along it will all go away.

[Asker]

Hmm... interesting. That's the thing - I don't want my memory of the night to be hazy. I don't have the best memory to begin with, but my first time is something I'll want to remember forever...

[EmpatheticLady]

I guess it depends on how to do it. If you go out to dinner beforehand, getting a glass of wine and having an enjoyable conversation would more than likely help your nerves. Just downing a glass and then going for it doesn't seem as beneficial.

[Asker]

Haha, true. We would probably go out for dinner first, so it would be easy to enjoy a glass with the meal. And it would guarantee that I wouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach. Thanks!

[EmpatheticLady]

You've got it! You're most welcome. Try not to worry about it too much. I know it's easier said than done, but you both want this and love each other. It won't be perfect, but it will be fine.

[Asker]

I know you're right, but you know how it goes - it's hard to get rid of these pesky first-time jitters. And I'm a little worried about the pain since I don't have a high tolerance and my boyfriend is quite decently-sized.

[EmpatheticLady]

Completely understandable! I'm sure you've talked about it before, so I'm sorry if any of us are repeating what you already know. Just go slow, make sure you are fully turned on, and all of that. It'll be better once you're in the moment. Beforehand, it's nerve-wracking, for sure!

[Asker]

Great advice :) I'm sure I'll be less nervous once we've spent enough time kissing and touching each other. And I'll try to just let it happen as opposed to being like, "Okay. Tonight's the night. We gotta do it tonight!"

[LuasO]

The first time is not always the same for everyone, but if he is a nice guy he will take the time to make you happy and to consider that, express youself and talk about your fears, dont keep all beacuse if you are going for a long term relationship then comunication is important, and is your first so you need yo be there aware and remember the good moment.

[jacquesvol]

You might want to read the answer I wrote here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1178062-losing-ur-virginity-how-painful-it-is-guys

Success!

[Alistar]

Sorry to go off on a tangent but I once had a girlfriend who, when we first met up, had never had sex while sober. She was pleasantly surprised at how it felt. Mind you she didn't have to worry about first-time nerves.

[electrollama]

I think being drunk feels similar in the chest region to affection, so it'll probably make you feel more intimate with him. It'll also reduce your reservations against having sex.

[cavmanier]

It sounds like some alcohol may help you relax. Enjoy the sex!

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Might help short term, but in the long run it will only hinder you as it acts as a crutch. Don't do it.

[Asker]

You think? How so? I should add that I very rarely drink - only on special occasions

[nottheaveragered]

I wouldn't because I would want to remember every second of it, even if it's bad cause you can learn from it and it will be a funny story in the future

[Anonymous]

Alchohol will only makes things worse, I'm saying it out of my experience.

Can you also help me here? thanks!

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1563355-will-you-be-happy-if-she-contact-you-again-after-a-month-later

[Theguyoverthere]

I personally don't recommend it but have heard of people using alcohol to ease the tension.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that's a great idea. I find it harder to get aroused when drunk. I was pretty nervous my first time too, but there was no pain. Make sure there's lots of foreplay. You need to be wet enough. And make sure his dick is not the first thing that enters you. Ask him to loosen you up with his fingers or something.

[PunkLadyOfDeath]

I believe you shouldn't, not because I feel like the following pertains in your situation, but legally you can't consent to sex if you're intoxicated and that would make your first time, legally, a rape.

[Mesonfielde]

I think you should just be generally freak out less about it. Freaking out doesn't help.

[chrisbigman]

Yeah, I think so. Just don't drink too much. Maybe 1 glass, 2 at the most.

[Anonymous]

Alcohol can also cause you to not be able to perform properly.