You have a lot going on. It's a little difficult to sort out everything you said, but I get the general idea. Sometimes too many things can overwhelm you and you don't know where to start. I'd try to separate them and deal with one thing at a time.
Also, this is not entirely your problem. Your mother and father are both at fault also. I'm guessing that they held you to higher standards and put excess pressure on you to achieve. They are trying to throw fault at you, when they are just as much to blame. They are guilt tripping you and that's not good.
If your father is terminal, what's important for you is to come to terms with yourself. You don't want to carry guilt with you after he is gone. When I say come to terms with yourself, I don't necessarily mean patch things up with him, although that would be the ideal. If you can't do that, you need to accept and understand that neither yourself nor your parents are perfect, and you did what you could. Your parents put a high standard on you. Don't put a high standard on yourself as well. Do what you can, and accept what you can't do. It's kind of normal to not be perfect. So be gentle with yourself.
By the way, I'm being intentionally vague because this is pretty complicated. It's something that really needs to be talked out with someone and try to reduce it to simple terms that are more manageable.
I would make your father priority and at least *try* to set things straight with him. Even if all else fails, tell him you love him. Try to keep your mom out of it. She is NOT helping. Your father is being over dramatic and causing unnecessary pressure and guilt on you. Try to ignore that and see past it. You might not be able to get through the drama and guilt, but try. Try not to react to it.
At the same time, understand that all three of you are being tried. This kind of thing can be VERY hard on a family, all families. You can't really control how they react, but you can try to understand that everyone will react differently in a situation like this. So give them a little leeway. I don't think you are ready for it now, but someday you will need to forgive them. They are only human. Some day you need to see them as humans instead of only seeing parents.
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Welcome to my life. You didn't "attempt" anything if you didn't go through with it.
Well, you have good parents. My parents blame me. "Oh well, we made mistakes, but it was ultimately your choice to become a 14 year old drug addict." Disclaiming any potential part they had to play.
Jeez. Your dad is a drama queen. Oh, and I'll take back the good parents part.
Advise: Your parents are toxic. Your mother is a seething deluded bitch, and no offense, but your father sounds like a pussy: crying, isolated in his room for days on end. No wonder you got fucked up. Your mom is overbearing and blames you for everything; and your dad is weak. Biological ties or no, they are a source of damage to you. Drop them and let them endure themselves. At least for awhile. If your mom thinks your such a burden, then just leave. Fuck 'em. Don't care if they're your parents. Blood doesn't mean shit. If you live with them, move out. If you don't, leave them alone. Watch them beg you to come back.
Get pissed off for fucks sake. I know what it's like feeling like you've hurt your parents. But I also know how to handle it. They fucked up, and they're paying the price for it. That's life. And my mom tears up every now and then, thinking that she fucked up. And I just let her think that she didn't do anything wrong. That stabilizes her, and she's fine for another year or two. But they did. And your dad did too. And your mom did, too. That's the truth of it. Your dad will either break or he'll finally adapt. It is his mistake, not yours.
He was responsible for you, and he didn't raise you correctly, nor did your mother. If he would have raised you correctly, then you would not have been in that situation. He's right. It is his fault. There's a reason parents are most often held accountable for their children's actions until they reach the age of majority. Because it is their responsibility to introduce you to the world and teach you the tools you need to adapt and survive. They clearly did not do a good enough job.
Leave and let them sort out their own problems. It's not your responsibility.
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your mom is very immature and stupid, sorry but yeah, your mom dosen't know how to react or raise kids, i would say just go to your dad and tell him that you were going through schizophrenia and soo much in your life and i didn't want to burden you with all my problems thats why i didn't told you, is there anyway you can forgive me.
Unfortunately, you're going to have to leave your environment. Write a letter to your father expressing how much you love him and that you will change you life for the better. Then, walk away and focus on you.
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