Friend of fiance - crush?

I've been with my fiance for 2 years and I really love him, but lately I've gotten a crush on one of our mutual friends. I'm a really sexual person but with my fiance the sex has never been that great and has gotten kind of infrequent, but every other aspect of our relationship is perfect. I won't cheat on him (I'm not a cheater) and I think the friend is too close to both of us to do something like that. So here's the question... Last weekend we all went out to have some drinks and we were stuffed into kind of a tight corner table, and my knee was up against the friend's thigh. I couldn't move without getting squished by the wall, but he could've scooted over. He didn't, he just left it there. And lately, he's been texting me more than usual and sometimes says things that seem flirtatious, but he's not the kind of person that would hurt a friend like that. What's going on? Does he have a thing for me too?

Yeah, I did tell him to put in the work. He got all hurt that he wasn't satisfying me, and swore he'd try. But, that was like a year ago and nothing has changed in the sex dept, except I'm more frustrated! Sucks, because otherwise, he's perfect.
That's what I'm afraid of, Zebolt. I am horribly confused.
Thanks Zebolt. That's what I needed to hear. And asking strangers is helpful... :) There's distance and less bias than can be found with friends. I don't know what to do about my man. I do love him, but obviously this is a problem. (continued)
I'm rational but my brain is sort of muddy with lust these days. I needed a good slap in the face, I think. :)
Thanks cajoi. I have talked to him in depth about what I like, want, need, etc. He just didn't take the ball and run with it. I do feel like an jerk for letting sex get in the way of a great relationship, but this is marriage we're going into.
I just realized I can comment directly on answers. Sorry people, this is my first time here. :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's pretty common to be in a relationship and find someone else attractive that is not your significant other, even to the point that you call it a "crush." It's what you do (or don't do) about it that really makes the difference.

    It sounds to me like your "crush" has picked up on your attraction and he's wedging himself in, possibly with bad intentions.

    Personally, I wouldn't tell your fiance anything. I would give it some time. Your crush could fizzle out pretty quick.

    As far as sex with your husband goes, first of all you say it was never that great, and even the not-so-great sex has gotten infrequent. Did you ask him if there's something that YOU could do to get him turned on more often? It's one thing to tell someone you want something, and it's another to passively persuade them. "Perform Perform Perform!" doesn't make me want to hop in the sack with my girlfriend. Neither does her throwing herself at me.

    I believe sex is very important in a relationship, and it sucks that this is the only department that is lacking in the relationship. Before making any drastic decisions (telling him, counseling, Ending it, Screwing his buddy), I would give a few other things a try: Ignore the crush, and see if there's something that you can do to turn your fiance on to entice him, instead of ordering him.

    Zebolt's on the right track, but I believe that sometimes things can collapse by trying to disect them with something like counseling, or by telling him like cajoi said. I personally think if you need counseling now, you have no business getting married! This should be something that you should be able to work out on your own, with more of a subtle, natural approach.