Girlfriend going to college come fall

[courtkid1012]

So there's the classic scenario of one staying home and the other going away to college. I don't want to hear all the "you're too young, let it go" BS because I know it all.

So I'm a year younger and have my senior year at high school. She'll be going 5 hours away. I feel like I can do it, but she's the one who has worries and is unsure if us being together will make her enjoy college less. She drinks but is trustworthy to not cheat. That's a completely different part of this that I'm not too concerned with at the moment.

I'm afraid that she'll leave me while she's there and I don't want that to happen. We have some time before August comes, but we've been together 9 months and she's been so good for me. I'm afraid that she'll just say this is too much and just leave or be unhappy (which would also result in a breakup). It's really hard to deal with because it's always looming over my head and I'm just afraid that I'm going to lose her. I'm not entirely sure what I'm asking anymore, but can anyone offer advice? I'm sure I'll have more questions between now and August anyways

Updates

+1 y

And another problem I have is that we're both virgins. I don't exactly want to have sex before she leaves if I feel like she'll just leave me. Then if she broke up with me it'd just be like oh... well I can't get that back now. I actually care about it

[lonepoet]

yeah... sorry to say this, but realistically, she is leaving behind one phase of life and moving on to another. You are in her old phase of life. While there is a small chance that it could work out, she is going to want to explore and have new experiences. The odds are really stacked against you right now.

But like I said there is a small chance, and hold on to that. Visit her at college, try for once a month minimum.

Upping your chances staying together is going to take a lot of work. Call her at least once a week, but keep in mind that she is in college, and college is a lot harder than high school and requires a lot more study, so if she is unable to talk, don't get mad, just ask her to set aside time for the two of you later. Be chivalrous, buy her a box of candy, flowers, gum, or whatever she likes and mail her a care package. Write her letters often (once a week, twice a week, everyday... or whatever) and mail them to her.

The basic idea is that she is transitioning into a new stage of life and she is going to need time to adjust. Its hard to explain what I'm trying to convey. In this transitonal period, it can be very lonely, feeling stuck between two stages of life. Just show her that you care, but give her the freedom to explore.

And also keep in mind that even if you do all these things, your relationship may still come to an end, and that's just life.

Sorry that you have this issue.

[courtkid1012]

Yea, I understand. I'm just not very good with letting go or moving on and it'd be really hard on me. I guess if I know that she's not cheating on me and she loves me then it'll all work out and it'll make things easier and more likely to work out. I guess I'm afraid she'll "fall out of love" (which I don't exactly believe in, although people do change which is another worry).

[allison409x]

I can speak from experience. it sounds like you have a pretty typical relationship for high school. Being far away in college is really hard. You two are going to fight about things that you never though could be fought about. its going to be a struggle to get any of her time during college. It's hard to predict the outcome of what is going to happen. If she is already having doubts, that is never a good sign. this could mean that maybe she doesn't have the confidence in your relationship. she's going to be crossing into a whole other experience in her life that you are not going to be able to relate to. you may not understand everything she's going through or why she's going out so much. it all depends on your relationship before hand. I wouldn't sleep with her, and I would be cautious with how attached you get. Best of luck

[courtkid1012]

Yea we've known it'll come and tried to push off talking about it until it was near. We're not talking too much about it yet, but it did come up yesterday. The fact that she had doubts worried me a lot. Then later in the day she was saying how she doesn't want to leave me and it's really upsetting to her. Basically saying that she wants to be with me.

What would hurt the most though is that I've done everything I can and treated her great, but if she leaves me I did everything and still lost

[shadowcat517]

I'm in a similar situation right now, and my friend was in the exact same situation. I'm gonna be at a different college than my boyfriend in 2 1/2 months. However, my friend has been with her boyfriend for over a year, and is going to college next year. Her boyfriend was 4 hours away in college, but they made it last. Honestly, I've seen a lot of relationships end throughout the first year of college, but I think it really depends on the people. If you're really committed to each other but independent and faithful at the same time, it could work.

But as lonepoet said, people sometimes just naturally grow apart. Or fall in love with other people.

[papasmurf]

Listen, people can do people do do it. but the hard fact is most people who try fail. What you have to ask yourself is "Is it wort it to try even if she does break my heart?" It sounds easy to answer but you really have to think about it. Best of luck to whatever you choose

[LeeL2688]

As long as you two keep up the good communication

there's nothing to worried about

[courtkid1012]

I feel like it's really hard though. Do you know anything personally about that situation? Plus being 5 hours away I'll only see her once in a while until breaks. Like nothing all september, maybe an october weekend, november a little... you know?

[LeeL2688]

Try phone call, skype, IM, even Facebook wall post works

it doesn't have to be a lot like 24/7 that'll be kinda annoying/over protective

just something to tell each other "you two are there for each other"

i hope you get what I mean

[LeeL2688]

No don't be misunderstood

I am not talking about sex here

just the communication

[courtkid1012]

Well yea like keep communication going and talk when you can, but I feel like that's just not enough for some people and eventually it won't be enough for her. It only goes so far. And it'd be for months like that. It's scary

[Honest_Kayla]

So my boyfriend and I are going to college this fall too. We made it a point not to go to the same colleges, so we are now going to be 6 hours away. It's a little different situation because we are the same age and we have been dating for three years come October. We decided to stay together and ride it out see how it goes. If it doesn't work out then we will remain friends and after college if we feel the same way about each other then we will get back together and possibly get married. We are making the most out of this last month together. We figured out how we would see each other ( there is a bus from our two colleges).

[courtkid1012]

I hate that though. I don't know if Id be able to deal with her leaving me at some point, going out and having sex with all these other guys, then come back to me saying oh you're the one I love. That just doesn't seem like the kind of person I am.

[roomwaview]

God you are lucky! I want that so bad! my boyfriend and I are seniors this year... and we don't know what to do about college next year. He wants to go with me so so so bad...and I am a little uneasy...I don't know what we should do...

[Honest_Kayla]

To the question asker, I'm not saying she should go out and have sex with guys and that you should let her, but know people make mistakes and that people do crazy things when they are lonely. Do what you feel is right but you have got to trust her too.

To roomwaview - just try it if it doesn't work out the so b it, at least you tried. is say try that way you won't have the regret of "what if.." It's not easy having a long distance relationship but I think its worth it

[courtkid1012]

no she means like she's not sure if she wants to go to the same college as him. You really shouldn't. You think things will be great and all, but look at it this way. You two break up at school. Now you have to deal with seeing your ex all the time and meeting new people. That is an extremely real possibility and you need to take that into account. Same schools is a bad idea, go where you both truly want to, as if you were single.

[gonaners16]

Go for it. Late this year or early 2011, my boyfriend will be leaving on a 2 year mission for his church (he's Mormon)... I'll only get to talk to him 4 times in those two years. Mother's Day and Christmas. We can write letters/email, but he only gets one day per week to read them/write back. Go for it, and hope that it works. If it does, your relationship will be stronger because of it.

[Reeses-pieces777]

find a way to be with her if you guys can go to college together, then that would be great. that's good that you care about it, some guys don't care.