My husband wants me to leave, what should I do?

He has told me 3x's in the last 2 months that he wishes I would just leave. We have only been married a 1 1/2 yrs. We have a 7 month old baby together. He says he is depressed but doesn't want help he says I deserve better and wishes I would just go. He calls me names, and I haven't left yet. I still love him and I am really confused I don't know what to do.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he truly is depressed then he needs you more than ever. Depression is a strange thing. You feel like you need someone to lean on yet you're full of anger and bitterness and end up hurting your relationships with people you love. He is hurting inside and sees himself through a distorted lens. He thinks he is a waste of life and the world would be a better place without him. And when you feel like that you think that your presence weighs everyone else down and it would be better to remove yourself from them.

    When you're depressed although you are physically capable you have little to no will, desire or power to help yourself. He's not going to be appreciative or thankful at first but you need to be stubborn and help get through this.

    Talk to your doctor. Even a GP is capable of prescribing anti-depressants. Check your local yellow pages for psychologists or psychiatrists and see if you can talk to one about it. Have them make him an appointment but let them know he doesn't know so they might not charge you if he doesn't show. Sometimes when your depressed you're secretly crying or longing for help and he won't do it himself.

    Good luck.

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What Guys Said 15

  • This is a challenging situation for you, please be strong.

    Is there any specific reason why he feels that 'you deserve better'? Has something happened that you know of which has changed your relationship, or at least how he sees it.

    If he is depressed he should seek counselling, even if he doesn't want medication.

    Trihill's contribution is right, talk to parents, also friends and other family members who may be close enough to have some impact on the situation.

    If there is no one else involved and you think that he still loves you as you love him then you need to keep fighting for the marriage and help him any way you can to get through this.

    I do know that when people are dealing with things that are difficult for them they can lash out at those they love the most, when the last thing they want is what they actually say. I wonder if this is relevant to your case?

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  • Jeeze...wake up people. Lots of advice...most of it dangerous.

    If he is truly dealing with depression, you leaving right now isn't going to make things better.

    Depression is a downward cycle that feeds on itself. Why get help...he doesn't feel he's worth the effort.

    You want a way to get him to pull his head out? You want to save your marriage? You want him to live through this? Has that last one crossed your mind?

    One word...Intervention.

    Call everyone...Family, CLOSE friends, your pastor/priest, and a therapist.

    You want lots of bodies there as a show of force, and as a well of reason. If his friends won't let him walk out, that can reach him. If they care enough to be there that can reach him. If his family is there that can reach him. It makes him accountable for his actions, and shows him the mirror of reality. Hell yeah it's gonna be uncomfortable...for everyone...but where should you draw the line? If you still can't reach him, at least you did all you could.

    Everyone has their say...a good therapist will know how to set it up.

    If it sounds extreeme...well, how far are you willing to go to save your marriage? Perhaps his life?

    Don't take my word for it. make a few phone calls. Talk to a few people in the industry. Don't let fear stop you.

    I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you at least make a call or two.

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  • have you talked to your parents or his? this might be a good starting point

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  • Get him some professional help. He may need to be on medication. Does he have a history of getting depressed?

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  • Tell him you love him. Then tell him you trust that he will figure it out. Tell him you will be here for him when he is ready to talk about it. Then just let him go. Leave and go stay with someone else for awhile. You need to trust that what ever he is going through he can figure it out on his own. The best way to help him is to let him know you care and then do nothing else. He needs time to be alone.

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What Girls Said 17

  • I think you should leave.

    I know it's not easy because you have a baby with him, but how healthy is it for your baby to grow up in that kind of environment? He is not emotionally stable, doesn't respect you by calling you names... Do you want your baby to be around that?

    Just leave.

    Leave smart though. - child support, place to stay, etc.

    As for his depression. You can't help him.

    There are so many reasons why he could be depressed. Maybe he doesn't love you anymore, but feels stuck... or maybe he feels useless... or maybe he just doesn't want to be married..or he feels his life is meaningless...or he is so overwhelmed... there are so many... and the only thing you can do is.. respect his wishes. He wants you to go, so go.

    Someone who loves you, regardless of how "depressed" they may be, will not beg you to leave. He calls you names hoping you will hate him and just go. .. That should tell you something.

    Sometimes you need to let go in order to see the truth.

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  • I hate to break it to you, but my best friend Courtney went through this, but she had

    two little kids and was married for three years going to four years. anyways, she left him,

    filed for child support and what I'm trying to say is that when a man says you deserve

    much better means that it's over, plus he disrespects you?! You don't need that, I know it's

    hard, especially since I can't say I've gone through that, but think about it, is he worth it?

    and if he is, leave him alone, don't leave. What I'm saying is for you to keep your life

    busy say hello, hi babe and keep on doing what you doing, keep the schedule going and

    time running. Let him breathe. You'll get through it!

    Samantha

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  • Honestly it sounds a little like he wants you to leave because he feels that you deserve better. Sometimes one partner will push the other away because he doesn't feel as though he is worthy and he does really love her so he wants her to be as happy as possible with someone who can provide that.

    Problem number two (and the reason he thinks you deserve better than him) is the depression. No he does not want to get help but depressed clients never do. They feel as though the world is crushing them and there is no hope. That is dangerous because once people start losing hope, they start becoming suicidal. You should encourage him to go to a counselor for help. If he absolutely refuses that, try some smaller methods of helping him. 1. Get him to eat healthy. 2. Get him to go out with friends or with you.. depressed clients WILL NOT go out unless they are forced, but it can be worth it afterward because social interaction rejuvinates us and helps us to feel better (humans are social creatures). 3. Make him work out. Start with just one lap around the block. A game of basketball. Get him up, get him active. Trust me, it has been shown time and again that depressed clients benifit the most from the mix of interaction, action, support (counseling), and medication. If you can get him to do the first two then he may be more likely to do the last two.

    I am sorry you are going through this, try to be strong.

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  • pray about it

    tell him to stop calling you names and tell him you love him and appreciate him

    tell him what you think of the love you have, the family you have and ask him to think about it and be thankful and just be a man

    he made a choice to marry you, he should know that marriage is forever!

    and tell him to focus on loving you more, to change his ways!

    that leaving is NOT the answer, and loving more is!

    buy the books, don't sweat the small things in love and read it to each other!

    good luck... don't give up

    love is worth fighting for

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  • Leave before his depression takes over and hurts you or the baby

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