My girlfriend says we are too different

[spy8901]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 14 months, and recently had told me that we are two different people, and since I've known her she has not been her "true" self. She wants to go back to being herself. (I'm not quite a crazy party-goer, but I know how to show her a good time, and she comes from a past full of the party/drug lifestyle.) It never really mattered before though, because we were so happy for 13 months, and then out of nowhere all this drama started. We often times would talk about getting an apartment when her lease was up and moving in together.we had even mentioned a couple times briefly kids in the future (by future I mean 5-7 years).

I went to her apartment on a Monday to grab some things that belonged to me like my laptop and while there I tried to smooth things over, but she refused to say anything. Later that night, at almost midnight, she called me and said she didn't say anything because she knew everything I was saying was true (all couples have differences but they work it out and that is what makes them stronger) and asked me to forgive her. I did, and we were ok for a few days. She would call me one day, and we'd hang out or talk and we'd be fine, but then the next day she wouldn't call, or when I called her she would be very short like "Just got home from work, gonna eat and take a shower bye" and that is literally all she would say, and not call back. Then the next day we'd be happy again, and the next not-so happy again. So Thursday night, having not received any phone call, I called her and told her it seems she doesn't know what she wants and is confused, and that she can't keep yo-yo-ing me around whenever she pleases,and she told me that she thinks she's doing it because it's just not going to work. The next day while I was at work, she called and texted me saying she was sorry and being unfair and wanted to work it out, so we were together for the weekend and even went to the beach on Sunday with another couple (friends). Then Monday, I could feel her being short with me again, so Tuesday I told her we needed to talk, so she came over to my house, and I told her that this wasn't working (I was hoping since I was the one doing the dumping, she would become upset and realize what she was doing, but instead she took the news easily and said sorry for pushing me and pulling me back, then went to her apartment.)

I called her the next day saying sorry and we can work it out, but she answered the phone very angrily and told me that she does not want to be with me and doesn't want to speak with me anytime soon. I tried sending her flowers but she e-mailed me after she received them and told me to leave her alone. So I'm trying, but it's so hard because I love her so much and I can't bare the thought of losing her.

To me it sounds like she is very confused as to what she wants, but at the same time I'm afraid she seriously doesn't want to see me again. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

It sounds as though you have experienced a lot of drama with this chick, dude! First of all, I think you made a mistake in breaking up with her and then taking it back. Never break up with a woman unless you truly mean it, because you are doing it for the wrong motives and only end up hurting yourself and kicking yourself in the end. Next, whether you know it or not, I think you made the right move in breaking up with her - However, I still think you did it for the wrong motives. But, by breaking up with her, you told her that you do not want to put up with her drama. It sounds like you love her, but she does not love you - this is evidenced by the way she has been acting. Or, if she does love you, she does not know how to show it. I think that you made the right decision in breaking up with her because it does not sound like a healthy relationship whatsoever. If you can get past your feelings for this girl long enough to see that she is not healthy for you, you will be doing a good thing for yourself. My personal advice is to not run back to her. I think the two of you need time off from each other - You need it in order to logically evaluate the relationship and just how unhealthy it really is, and she needs it in order to determine whether she truly wants to be with you or not. If the two of you do not take a break and figure this out, things might get worse. Those are just my thoughts, but I wish you good luck with whatever you choose to do. Maybe some time off will give her a chance to realize what she is missing.

[Mrbreeze]

No hell no!! Look, here is the dope on this one... Tell her to piss off. I invested 5 years into a woman that had the same kind of wishy washy behavior... i invested in an engagement ring and other goodies and into a commitment phobe who always had an excuse not to set a date to get married... hot one day, cold the next... mine used to go on trips out of town and would seldom call or even just shoot a simple text to say hello... very little if any! She took offon a cruise that i wasn't invited to with her sister (no biggie) until i had to ask our coworkers where she was because they knew more about her trip than i did! I finally texted her because i didn't hear from her 3 days after she came back... and so i got sick of her phobia crap and the secretive behavior and told fly a kite! I have given her ring to a homeless man. Lol. Don't put up with it. I found something much better now and very happy!!

[ren84084]

oooh. that's tough. maybe she's just not right for you. do you really want to be interested in a partier who is involved with drugs. I mean she might have been fun, but think about it in the long run. is it worth loving someone who is fun, when you could be working on finding someone who will be successful, make good decisions, and not be involved in drugs and things that could later affect your family. (by the way I'm not really implying that she can't be successful, because I don't know, just a thought) anyways I don't think she really doesn't want to talk to you again, she is just hurt. consider what I said and analyze the relationship then decide whether or not she is worth trying to fix it. if you think she is I think you should not give up quickly because despite her pretending to not want to talk to you she probably is dyeing to talk to you. girls aren't good with feelings, and some want to play hard to get once something goes wrong, because she won't want you to know how much it really hurt her, because that would give you the upper hand. think about everything then you need to make your decision.

[Inkweaver2]

Why don't you send her and email saying something like "I don't understand what's going on in your head, but I want to try to. Please, I know we're going through a rough patch, but I want you to know I'm here for you. If you want to try to talk, I'll be waiting with keen ears and open arms. I still love you and if their is anything I can do to keep from losing you I'll do it in a heart beat. Just show me what you need."

In an email she doesn't feel the pressure to answer you right then. The best shot you two have only becomes possible if you guys establish better communication. Let her know you're there for her and want to understand. Oh, and if she does contact you, no matter what she says, don't interrupt her. I would suggest not talking very much at all until she is done, just an encouraging comment or two when she seems to be struggling for words. Good luck.

[spy8901]

I don't want to email her as I've already tried doing so saying how much she means to me and how sorry I am for all this drama recently. I've tried calling her but she won't answer so I've left messages, but I think I may be pushing her farther away. I don't want her to take her break from us thinking that if she comes back things won't be different. I want her to know that I am willing to change but I don't know how to get in contact with her.

[Inkweaver2]

In that case, I think that your not going to make your point any better then you have already. Wait a few weeks, give her some time. Then try calling her again. Just telling her you'll change isn't enough. She has to give you a chance to prove it for it to mean something. Really, in the end it comes down to what she decides. Maybe after waiting a few days send her an email saying something simple like "I haven't given up". Good luck.

[Sofee919]

You've sent flowers, so now take some time and let things simmer down and see how it goes. She knows that you care a great deal for her. My guess is that she will call you again because a life of partying and drugs is no good and she will soon see what she had in and with you. You sound like a good guy and in the meantime, while she does what she is doing, try and look around to see if there is someone else who is more like yourself that you would be happy going out with. Whatever you do don't try and do any drugs to fit in with her or her friends. Good luck to you.

[Rocking]

Let her take some time on her own and back off for a little, meaning don't contact her. If no change is seen, let her go and move on. It's not fair for you to be played around if she can't make a decision. She knows that you love her, now it's up for her to make a move if she loves you too. Difference is not an excuse for relationship not to work out. In fact difference is what brings a balance to relationship, which is good. Maybe, in fact there are other reasons behind that which she tries to cover with this.

[Anonymous]

I have felt like that like you love someone, but you are not so sure that person loves you, just ask her what is really the matter and if she wants to go different ways you might want to add tears if she is a softy.

From,

Chyna