I'm 15 years old. My mom and dad broke up half a year ago. My mom has done her best to try and be happy. My dad did none of this. He is still grieving it seems. But he has this way of making me feel terrible about everything. After every call I feel that my grades suck my clothes suck and my personality is terrible. Today he called up and complained about money and how mom takes half of his in child support. But he's richer than us. Even so he hasn't tried to make friends, date or take care of his health. When I finally have him a piece of my mind, he got all defensive. So I hung up on him while he was talking about how lucky I was and shitty his life was. Then I blocked his number. Am I terrible for this?
Yes, it was wrong. You need a better relationship with your dad.
No. You are a human being who doesn't have to listen to a person who makes you feel awful all the time
As a dad, with a son who's 1 year older than you, you have no idea what we as dad's go through, parental alienation... I don't know the circumstances, but here is a link, seriously watch it, he loved and loves you more than you will ever know, and you are betraying him and it hurts like a death in his life, but worse since there's no closure. Men are stricter and say things because they worry and want to make sure you can survive in this cruel world, moms comfort (even if it's wrong yes wrong) so the children side with mom, only to realize they needed the guidance (harsh or not - gotta be cruel to be kind, only people who truly love you will tell you what you don't want to hear)... whatever, here goes, I wait for the day I can talk to my best friend once again (my son)... this is for you Franco and the asker (and her dad):
nope. my mother did the same to me at your age. in my experience she then used my attempts to help her as weapons in trying to change her money situation with my dad. it put me in a bad place. so here is the deal. your parents job is first to help teach you how to be a good adult. if they are too fucked up to see their own problems as their own, its harder for them to help you as a young person. you dont need that confusion. BUT do call him on holidays, fathersdau b days and such. just to let him know you love him. but his venom does not help you live. and you deserve a fair shake. once yoynare older and stranger as a person, then you should endure his burden as a good daughter and strong woman, but today, you need to focus on you.
Personally, I wouldn't turn my back on my dad when he was grieving the end of his marriage to my mum. He'd have no one else but me to talk to. I'd put up with his shit coz I'd know there was underlying reasons why he was so defensive and for his anger. I'm always there for my family during the bad times. No matter how much it impacts on my life. I'd never block either parent. I'd be there for them both
It's wrong of him to be talking to you about this shit. It's emotionally abusive to be complaining about adult topics to a 15 year old. He should be talking to your mother about it.
You aren't wrong. My stepdad made me feel like shit and abused me my whole life until my mom died and I was able to live with my real dad. I finally got the nerve to block my step dad.
men and women have different ways of coping with things, different types of people have different ways of coping with things, and people all have different time periods of which they get over thing, it's not right that you hung up on him and blocked him but it isn't right that he is bringing you into the whole thing the way he did you are part of the whole thing but he shouldn't be digging on you just because his life sucks right now. my mom and dad went through a bad divorce a few years back my mom is just getting back on her feat and my dad it took a year to get back on his feat I don't know your whole situation but give him time he'll snap out of it if your a praying family just keep praying for him.
i can sympathize with you, but father's rights mean squat when it comes to custody and child support, maybe talk to your mom about it, often child support can be crippling when they loose a higher paying job and it's not adjusted.
He probably seemed more sad because it reminded him of the family he once had. I'm sure he was actually happier with you there, it is just difficult for guys to show it sometimes. Go spend some time with him, even if you are just sitting next to him watching TV or something. Just having you there will make him feel better. Don't talk about your mom, or their split up if possible while there. Just try to enjoy time together and hug him, even if he pretends to not care too much. I'm sure he really does.
A little insight, your dad is a human, I was sad all the time because my ex-wife was lying, cheating behind my back and I was working two jobs to raise my family while she stayed at home raising my son, slowly brainwashing him. I worked hard labour too, it affected my health all for my wife and son, she was epileptic and he is autistic (high-functioning), coached his soccer team etc. to your comment your dad is sad all the time when you lived with him and he's better off without you, very wrong, let me clear up some misunderstanding. You don't understand yet the pressures of raising a family, as a man all of it's on you, if your spouse (wife) is not supportive, or their is no closeness (I can't say it was your mom/dad, it's different for each couple) but in my case my ex was cold and I fell into depression and since I loved my family I was loyal and never cheated I wanted the best for them, didn't even realize I was sad as I was on auto-pilot providing, long days & nights working.
being richer means nothing. Taking half of your money may have a toll on him although at the same time you have to be taken care of. expecting someone to just get better is not reasonable. he's not your mom, and also is probably partly angry because the court decided that your mom kept you instead of him.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
also the court hasn't done him fair at all. I guess this is what it has come too though. when is the last time you seen him again?
Spring break. He was at work the entire time and then got angry and somehow blamed us for making things worse when we were there. He didn't even show up to the custody trial.
you are 15, a lot may have happened behind the scenes. being a kid, your parents keep you in the dark of whats REALLY going on. why is he working the whole time? maybe its because he has to give half of his money up? I have no problem when the money ACTUALLY is a fair amount and is given to the kid but lets be honest here, has the money that was given to your mother actually made its way to you in any way? I have had a step mom who would take my custody money and buy stupid nails and whatnot with it. Never got clothes, barley fed etc.. Its important that you tell me these things, so I can help in a way. Tell your dad to tell you EXACTLY whats going on. you are 15, but you deserve to know.
This one is too complex for me, so much going on and I really can't work out who is saying or doing what, but for the record after reading all the replies I would listen to OPBinYYC. Sounds like he has experience in this area and wants to help you... Here is hoping this all works out for you and your dad!
It depends on how you feel about it. Personally, if anyone in general, even my dad talked to me like that, instant block. I'd probably go off on them first though. I think you made a good decision, but you can always try to work it out with him anyways.
U are just 15 so it's ok what you did. But in my opinion, you can do little efforts to bring your mom n dad together, may be they both regretting the decision and you are the only trustworthy mediator. It will save money also and lot's other benefits. Seek out their mistakes, make them realise and ask them to rectify it. Don't blame your dad only for all mistakes. See subtle parts. bring them together n win the war ;-)
man ! I'm not with u so I don't know what's right, what's wrong! u said he didn't date, he is rich! I think he still likes u or u r mom! try to talk him! if he still does any shit then u can leave him!
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Anonymous
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+1 y
No. You are a human being who doesn't have to listen to a person who makes you feel awful all the time
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