Should I Tell My Cousin That I Like Him?!

[Anonymous]

I'm a 28 year old female who finds herself attracted to her 25 year old male cousin. Yes, I said it my cousin. I want him to know it too, but I'm so afraid. We are first cousins, my father and his father are brothers and we were raised together, so we've known one another all of our lives. Now when I say together, I don't mean that we lived together, but we've done family vacations and family functions here and there together.

I am so surprised by my sudden interest because I've always looked at him as my little cousin. The attraction all started at my uncle's funeral, his dad and I noticed how strong he was for his mom and I thought to myself, oh how sweet, and I was impressed. Then after the service as we were standing outside I walked up to him and we hugged and it was the most warm and strong hug that I ever received in my entire life.

Seriously, it did something to me and I had to pull myself away because it felt that good.At first I was thinking maybe it's the grief, but it's more than that and since then he's been on my mind. My cousin was raised so well with such a great upbringing that he possesses all of the qualities that I would love to have in a mate. He's humble, respectful, and intelligent. His calm and mature demeanor is a serious turn on.

I live about 225 miles away in another state and all of my family,including him, live back in my home state. So, I wanted to know how to tell him. Phone, email, text, or in person. I don't want too much time to pass before I see him again.

I know we would be perfect for one another, except for the fact that he is my cousin. Help. No negativity please, this is driving me crazy...Thanks

Updates

+1 y

Just to add, I have no idea if he likes me, so that adds to the dilemma. If he does I may have truly missed the signs. I will admit that I'm too nervous to tell him in person. I want to text him or send him an email

[musicgirl1189]

So how long ago exactly did these feelings start? If it was very recent, I would say wait it out a bit. You may just have felt overwhelmed by the funeral, and all of these emotions have caused you to think that you really like your cousin in a romantic way.

If you can, try to get over this. It will probably be hard (it's hard enough to get over any kind of crush), but it will probably also be better for everyone in the long run. Something like this would probably affect the rest of your family in a big way. Think about that.

If you do decide to tell him (which I would advise against, just because of how it could all play out), I would say do it in person. This isn't something I would do through a text or email, and the phone might be OK, but I think face-to-face interaction would be important. But I would also say keep it private. If you do decide to tell him, but not act on any of the feelings, it's not something the rest of the family necessesarily needs to know. It's a fairly personal issue.

One final note. If you do decide to tell him how you feel, just know that from that point on, nothing will be the same between you two. It could sort of scare him away from you, just because it is such a strange/unnatural thing in society today. If he does return the feeling, things will be very different and probably difficult to get through with your families.

I would advise you to think long and hard on all the outcomes before doing anything about this. Maybe even try meeting some other guys to get your mind off of him. Just think before you decide to do anything.

I hope I've helped some. Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks for answering. You helped tremendously. I appreciate your answer and yes, this occurred recently, so I may just wait it out and being that he lives in another state, that makes it easier to do so. However, I still feel attracted to him

[ettamae]

Hi Anonymous! Concerning your cousin question/situation there's ano absolutely wonderful site called Cousincouples. com that is very supportive.
How do I know? Well, my question i wrote in on this forum, yes it concerns my second cousin! 😄. Check it out. It even contains marriage laws, having children with your cousin, etc. And it's not all about we cousins, there are friendships to be had among members (you don't have to join if you don't want to, you can converse as a guest if you desire). Oh I forgot... it even suggest ways to tell your cousin how you feel. It's great!! Check it out. You'll love it I'm sure.

[ettamae]

And I forgot (again right? Lol). My cousin? Unlike you and yours, we met only about two weeks ago! No, I never knew him before, but as you and yours, him and I too live in another state about 6-7 hours away by bus (express so of course a few more if traveling local). When I left, he seemed really sad (I know I was). As a matter of fact, my bus seat mate, a man, thought cousin was my man. I asked my seat mate how he came to that conclusion. His reply: "I was watching, and saw how he was looking at you when you had your back turned, and the way you both hugged before he got off the bus after helping you." Now while I didn't appreciate too much how Mr. Nosey Seat Mate was peering at us, it did at the same time make me feel good.
Yes, my cousin is the same man I got on about something when once home. And the same man I asked about his text response of "I do not reject you. You are forgiven." And like I replied back to the answerer, I kinda knew what it meant anyway.

[RollTide_GoColts]

Go for it man! After my parents divorced my mom married her cousin (their parents are brothers). But if you two start dating the family will be mad, trust me! Everyone was so angry with my mom for marrying my dad (her cousin, my step-dad) but they get use to it. My family is kinda like the mafia, once my great grandpa (my parent's parent's father lol) told everyone to deal with it because they make each other happy everyone shut up! My parents are just like you, they grew up together, and were raised together but they love each other so what's the problem?

My parents have been together for 10, almost 11 years now and they're still happy despite being cousins. If he likes you, and you two make each other happy then there is no problem. Really the only problem is if you two have children the child may be mentally handicapped because you two are genetically close.

Call him up and see if maybe this could lead to something. Who knows you may end up like my parents; happily married!

[Asker]

Thanks! It's good to read a positive twist to the story. I just may do it, my heart is telling me too...

[Anonymous]

WOW... lol kinda crazy but this happen in my family as well ( NOT WITH ME ) but two of my first cousins dated for a while .. omg that sounds so strange .. every one in my family new it and most didn't like it but some didn't care your family might be the same way .

its all about how you really feel though if you like him that much then tell him but be ready becuase he might think that is crazy and sick or he might be cool with it who knows but if you and him do end up together a lot of people are going to give yall a hard time so be ready for that . you should tell him though I would text him and see what he say then have him call you . that way its out in the open and you won't have to drive yourself nuts over it .

[Asker]

I know my family won't be thrilled, but at the same time I have a hip, not old-fashioned kind of family. I'm most afraid of his reaction. I don't want him to think I'm perverted or something...lol.

[PreferNot2Say]

I do agree that you should wait a significant amount of time before telling him. Just to make sure that it wasn't just an immediate emotional attraction due to the situation at the time.

I do think you should tell him to his face, if and when you decide to tell him. It's more intimate and personal than email, text or phone call. Plus you both will be able to read each other's body language.

I have been having the same issue with one of my cousins. We are both in our 50s and I've struggled with this for decades.

Like most people I thought there was something mentally wrong with me. We've all been told for years that having sex with our cousins is unnatural or incestual.

About 15 years ago a friend told me that their state it's legal to marry your 1st cousin. So I started doing some research. I went the scientific route first and found out that scientifically there's nothing wrong with it. So then I went the biblical route and there's nothing in the Bible suggesting it's wrong.

The Bible condemns certain couplings, like step siblings or step parents and step kids, aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews, but zero about cousins.

I learned all of this over 15 years ago and I'm still struggling with how to bring this up to her. I could actually use some constructive advice myself. 😁

[CuriousEddie]

I'd take it slow, just to see what happens -- he may be too bothered by the familial relationship to even consider it, for instance, and you would have put yourself out there for nothing.

Why don't you invite him to come visit you? It might be good for him to get away anyway.

You can go out for dinner, spend time together, see how much you really share, or if it was just a sudden infatuation on your part.

In the meantime, last I checked 14 states allowed first-cousin marriage.. you may wish to check which 14... ;)

[lisa_username]

honestly you should hang out with him a few times and feel his vibe first..if he seems interested in you then be obvious when you flirt with him to let him know its okay for him to make the first move. you don't want to ruin the relationship so just lay down heavy hints and if he wants you guys can start dating if not don't push too hard else it will push him away.

[Asker]

Thanks for answering :-). I was thinking to hang out with him a little and feel out his vibe

[happygirl18769]

Even if he did like you he might not wanna even send out that vibe becuase yall are family . truth is he probably never thought about you and him like that . not saying that he wouldn't want you like that but still I would just come out and tell him !

[Asker]

Happygirl18769 Last year when we traveled to NC to visit family he was around me alot. I never thought about it until now...

[happygirl18769]

Damn it I wish I wouldn't have even read your question now I'm thinking about my cousins .. there cute to LOL ... I wouldn't date them tho. lol I hope it works out for you ! if I was you I would call and talk to him and just act like you called to say hi and just start getting closer to him ..

[Asker]

Lol @ Happygirl. Yeah, I'll do that. I've been texting sporatically, just saying hi to him. At this point because I know that I like him and he doesn't know, talking on the phone would be awkward

[Anonymous]

U said that u think that he has all the qualities u would want to have in a mate. By coincidence I had read somewhere that its okay and in fact perfectly normal to be attracted to ur cousin because somewhere we see in them what we would want in our ideal boyfriend/girlfriend. But i would strongly suggest against talking to him or in anyway acting on ur feelings because after all he is ur first cousin.

[SHERECE]

GO FOR IT AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU IN GOD EYES WE ALL ARE RELATED SO DOES IT REALLY MATTER WE ALL HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY SO I SAY GO FOR IT

[Thiezz]

HELLO IT APPEARS YOUR CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK, please fix it.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm attracted to my cousin. there's nothing wrong with it.

[Anonymous]

I would totally have sex with a cousin of mine..

[rt2055]

I'm in a very similar situation. Please message me