Why do most guys hate the "friend zone" so much?

Question

Why do most guys hate the “friend zone” so much? The friend zone means something different to women. It is a good place to be in. Yes, in most cases it does not lead anywhere other than just staying in the friend zone, but that’s not bad.

I found an answer by a female user that I feel I agree with 100%.

Quote:

“I'm sure there are women that are selfish and want to torment men for their egos (like there are men that drag a girl a long who cares for him) but to a woman, the friend zone isn't a punishment. It's saying that she cares about you even if it's not in a romantic/sexual way.

Women are relationship creatures. We love talking and sharing with our friends and hanging out. When a friend asks us out, we want the friendship to remain the same if we say no. We don't want to lose our friend or best friend over it. From a woman's perspective, when a guy asks you out and you say no to him and you never see him again and he just leaves like hat, it actually hurts you. It tells you that there was nothing good enough in you that he wanted as a friend; he just wanted the physical/sexual part. I have lost several guy friends who asked me out and I said no and it broke my heart when they never talked to me again. Granted I was young, but at the time I didn't understand "I will always be there for you" meant "I would love to always be there for you if this turns romantic/sexual but if this goes to crap or I stay in the friend zone, you will never see me again." So I opened up to those guys thinking they would always be there. It shattered me when they left. As I've gotten older I understand why. I couldn't do that either. But my desire to keep them as friends wasn't cause I was tossing them a bone. It was because I still cared for them as a regular/normal friend. I can't help who I love and don't but I still wanted them in my life because I still care for them and like them as a friend.

I know guys hate hearing this but if a woman is remotely physically attractive she has probably had a fair amount of guys hit on her in her life. And most of them walk away after they do that. But when the friend or best friend hits on you, as a woman, you don't expect him to walk away. Guys at bars leave when you turn them down, not your friend. Your friend is supposed to be there through thick and thin. So, it is heartbreaking when you lose a friend over this.

Women want men to be friends not just lovers. Sometimes it turns into lovers, sometimes not. So sometimes that gets all messed up and most of them really aren't trying to hurt the guy. We are just trying to keep something that is dear to us.”

I LOVED this answer, mainly because I agree with it 100%

I hope after reading this, that guys can understand why we girls like to keep you as platonic non-sexual/romantic friends in the friend zone. We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line..

Jijaji80000 · Accepted Answer

Question is what value do women bring to the friendship? I am a guy and to me my male friends are the real friends who will drop their thing to come help me, watch my back and be there for me. They will ask and give just as much.

Women on the other hand have little to offer as a friend. Put it simply they do not have the skills, talent and the temperament to be your friend. Typically they befriend you when they do not have boyfriends. The ultimate guy for a woman is a man who checks the boxes that offer her the stability of a father, the protection of a brother and the passion of a lover. In a "friend" the woman is trying to check the first two boxes because of lack of attraction for the male. She is unwilling to check the third box.

Women as friends, Ask for a gazilion favors, discuss their life drama with you, want you to be the security gaurd when they venture into new situations and 90% of the time forget you quickly once a boyfriend walks into their lonely lives and then lean on you when things go bad in that relationship.

Worst of all, they hate all the women in your life. Every woman you are dating supposedly has an ulterior motive. Every woman you like and respect is actually a bitch. Overall, They love to tag you along because you are zero liability, high utility "friend" unlike their bitchy and competitive female friends. The guy just ends up having a lot to offer in this friendship.

I have over the years written off women as friends. To me they are good companions but not friends. And let's flip it around, the same women who entertains male friends because she is not attracted to them will have zero tolerance to get into the friendzone with a guy she is attracted to. No woman has any time to enter or stay in the friendzone.

Sorry ladies. I love you as moms, sisters, aunts, grandmas but as friends for the opposite sex, there is a lot of work that needs to be done to prove yourself. I am a man, have no need or desire to feel sexless and emasculated.

RealDeal · Accepted Answer

"We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line.." Well we are more about the physical. We are all about the visual. Don't get me wrong I have many female friends but that is only because most of them I could never date, or if she ever needed to get some, I wouldn't turn her down.

How would you like it if someone you were interested in, didn't want you but wanted to you to watch them go through a bunch of chicks (who you feel are not worthy) would you still want to be his friend?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I hate this whole idea of a "friend zone." No one "puts you there." You're not entitled to fuck every woman by default, until she "puts you" in another zone. Everyone is friendship material first. It takes a mutual connection and attraction, a spark, and even just luck in time and place a lot of times to make an acquaintance or friendship into something more. I hate this way of looking at things, that supposes it's some insult to want to be friends with someone, and not feeling anything more for literally a multitude of reasons. It's so self-centered in my opinion, and I think it over-sexualizes male/female relationships to the point where some of these men can't see value in women as people, as friends, only as sexual conquests. And that's fucking insulting. There's nothing wrong with being my friend. Especially if I think of you as a good friend, that speaks highly of you.

Girlsareevil · Accepted Answer

You a fucking liar all you girls want to do is hurt a guys heart and mess with his head and use him so go die in hole girls don't want guys as friends bullshit it's all a trick stop listening ignore them also guys don't want sex all the time were not animals we have hearts when we wanna show it it also hurts when being turned down

glockenspiel · Accepted Answer

I think the friend zone is a pretty good place to be! Friends before lovers. My friends are the people I actually want to keep with me for the rest of my life.

Kapakani · Answer

Your last quote is where I will start here" we believe that it's not all about the physical, but it's about the emotional". This is why I can say SOME guys leave, the emotional aspect of the friendship. In quite a lot of these arrangements, not all, the girl is laying heavy emotional content on the guy friend. From her bad days, to periods, to the bitches she hate, all the way to the really get under our skin type stuff. For the guys that show compassion and care for there friend, you occasionally will hear how much you'd make a good boyfriend to some girl, and boyfriend troubles because you are her comfort zone. For some, it's not that a guy wouldn't care what you're going through but in the chance the guy is friend zoned which is usually a one sided thing where feelings for the other is involved, in this case the male to the female and not reciprocated. It's becomes emotionally agonizing to hear over time. And thus this is what causes a guy to leave SOME TIMES... for his own health and sanity. Being in this kind of friendship can cause feelings to grow without warning or overnight. You might've started as truly being her friend but one day she, skipped from her car to the door, or she picked up your cup and drank from your straw, or the sun hit her just right and the moment was magical. And next thing you know your feelings have changed. And in order to sometimes not ruin her relationship if she's in one, the guy chooses to leave. Some confess feelings before they do &I some just leave knowing rejection is imminent and wish to spare themselves the pain of it. I'm at work or is go into more detail and check grammar haha. ! but that's how it happens sometimes. Guys leave to stop the emotional agony that comes with her getting boyfriend after boyfriend, or just when the feelings become to much and you know they will never be returned. I'm there now :(

Bluemax · Answer

The one time that I knowingly had a woman in my friend zone was when she rather tearfully confessed how she felt. I told her I didn't feel the same way. She was very respectful. She was very compassionate. And she told me on no uncertain terms she couldn't be around me anymore because it hurt. I was very sad to see her go. Neither of us had any ill will towards the other. It hurt to see someone I cared so much about be gone from my life.

*************However***************

It would have been much worse if she had stayed. She would have been in pain in my very presence. And I don't want her hurt. I am truly mystified why some people have a difficult time understanding this.

You replied to RealDeal, "It feels torturous..."

Then continue, "Well, us girls don't want to torture you guys, we just want to keep you in our lives because we still really care about you."

Seriously, if you care that much about them, if they are so dear to you, then why on earth would you want to continue the friendship, knowing full well that your very presence tortures them?

Who is the more selfish? The one who decides to leave, or the one who would rather they stay, knowing full well that it hurts and, in your words, it feels torturous to be in such a situation?

I believe it's equally selfish and thoughtless to expect the rejected to stick around, knowing full well that in so doing they are hurting at the very sight of you.

I don't doubt my female friend's love for me as a friend and person for a second. She just was hurting. And I cared and loved her enough to let her go without rancor.

I've seen her on FB. She is married and has children now and she is happy. That's all I ever wanted for her.

I wrote a MyTake about this. Perhaps you'd care to read it, asker.
Not Another Friend Zone Take! ↗

saughmraat · Answer

@ the original poster...

Lets just say...

I want my money to stay with me forever. And I want my body to be healthy. But... if I meet with an accident, and if I'm in a lot of pain, I'd choose to spend my money to get rid of my pain. Even though, it hurts me when my money leaves me, I would still choose to let the money go... coz letting the money go might help me get rid of my physical pain.

Similarly, if you think that losing a friend is going to hurt you a LOT, you can give him what he wants and find peace. As simple as that.

///////

And coming back to your question... why do guys hate friend zone...
By throwing a guy into the friend zone, you are telling him that you dont care about his needs. You dont care what he wants and you dont care about what makes him happy. Because, you dont want to come out of your comfort zone and do some "extra" things to make him feel better. So... obviously, the guy would feel that all past friendship means nothing to you and you dont care about his feelings. So, the guy will walk out of your friendship.

Anonymous · Answer

I just got the "I can only be friends" card pulled on me. I'll offer you my personal perspective. This girl and I had a fling last year before she moved a 1000 miles away. We kept in touch and I even visited her once. Everytime we were face to face we kissed and did things beyond friendship. There were times where we didn't talk because we probably moved on but she always would pull me back in. We didn't talk for 3 months before her return home. She started reaching out to me and we went on one date the second day she was home. It was great until I went for a kiss...denied. Then she sends me an email saying she can only be my friend. I sent her a reply and basically said I can't be that for her knowing I want more.

The reason I had to turn down that friendship even though she is someone I care about a great deal and enjoy her company is that I knew I would just be causing myself pain in the future. I didn't want to be there for when she met a new guy.

Another thing for me was that I felt used. I became someone she contacted when she was upset or down and I was someone that made her feel better. It was hard to accept a situation where I'm this person that she loves to be around, share feelings with and uplifts her but all I get to be is her friend. If our relationship was just that the entire time then fine, but we had crossed those lines and I never lost those feelings for her. I'm a great guy and I want to be that for the right girl but I can't let myself offer up the best of me to someone that won't return that. Its too painful.

Maybe sometime it has to do with a guy being bitter but I think a lot its because they realize they are in a situation that can only cause them pain.

zadams1404 · Answer

It's simple. If a man wants you sexually/romantically and you turn him down you're telling him he's not good enough for you. Sure he's good enough as a friend but he doesn't see you that way. He will ALWAYS want to be with you. He wi ALWAYS want tk have sex with you. And there's nothing worse than wanting that, and the girl you want makes you watch her go through other men while he sits and waits for you to either change your mind or let your guarddown. My bbelief is that no man or woman that are both heterosexual can co exist as friends without one of them being sexually attracted to the other. In my experience that has always proven true

lavarule · Answer

Being in the friend zone is fine when it's legit. I have female friends and value them highly.

Where it's a problem is when a woman wants to flirt, tease, stare, banter, seek your attention, get jealous and show off her body, but only wants to be "friends". You can't have it both ways. If you want to entice me I'm going to want more.

If you want to gossip and discuss your other crushes and do fun stuff, I'm mostly fine with that (sometimes you still get attracted and want to push it, but that's just biology).

ritxi · Answer

The denomination of friend-zone is just an euphemism. It is just a way to say we will never never never have sex unless there isn't a friendship between ourselves.

There are two cases in which a girl can demostrate a guy they are in the friend-zone:
- If they have date some times and the girl says to the guy that she likes him only as friend. They are not friends because there wasn't the emotional connection needed to be friends.
- If a girl wants to leave her boyfriend but she said: we can still be friends. In this case the emotional connection is stronger than in the previous case, but it is very cold for a guy knowing that he will never never never have sex with his exgirlfriend.

BoobMan · Answer

Why do girls hate the "friends with benefits or f*** buddy zone" so much? We guys believe it's not all about the emotional . . . but it's about the physical too. Sometimes we find a girl really, really hot and want to just bang her again and again, but we don't want to deal with relationship drama or her emotional issues. Hot sex is hot sex. Bottom line. It should be a complement to how desirable we see the girl as a sex partner.

Does that sound reasonable? If it does, then I can buy into your arguement on the virtues of the friend zone. These two arrangements are exactly the same.

Chester_Cheeto · Answer

I like how girls say "Guys hate the friendzone just cause they can't have sex! They're not obligated to our bodies!" when ironically enough, girls aren't obligated to guy friendships. If you friendzone us, we can break past the zone if we want to. Because it's unpleasant. We can stop being your friends and just not talk to you because there's no use in being in a lady's friendzone. Y'all can't complain about that. I don't understand how friendzoney girls can get mad at all the girls you value; like, you don't even like me. Why are you angry? Friendzoney girls just want girlfriend privileges without actually dating. It's the female equivalent for guys using girls only for sex.

Anonymous · Answer

heh.

one the one hand, wanting someone much more than what that person wants you, sucks.

that being said.

its these guys fault to stay in such a situation. they always can get out of the friendzone (non mutual adoration, more precisely) very easily - by assuming that, at least for the time being, their "friend"-crush doesn't want them at all as anything other than friends, and move on with their lives. that would be way better both for themselves and for their "friend"-crush.

problem is, these guys dont want to accept that their crushes dont want them as they want them. its a form of living in denial, actually.

PLAYAH · Answer

Seriously. you're a fucking attention seeker. You dont care about them. You care about your ego. Fuckoff. Let him move on. Dont try to friendzone him. Guy wants commitment. I had a ex girlfriend like you. Too many "nice guy" friend. She still chose me "the asshole" i fucked her a lot. She "emotionally cheated" on me because those guy are always there for her. Theyre nothing but backburners a toy. EMOTIONAL SECURITY NET. stop being manipulative whore. I felt sorry for the guy she cheated on me. The dude was nice. But you know. she's using him to make me jealous. GUYS DONT LISTEN TONTHIS WHORE

Gonetowardthewind · Answer

I personally don't mind the friend zone, but then again I've never asked anyone out my whole life. If I ever am I'd see it as all right that's fine if we can't be together, I'll still be friends with her. There are billions of fish in the sea and one rejection isn't going to kill me.

Anonymous · Answer

Here’s the difference. A woman can tell a guy a the dreaded “I just want to be friends” and guy can accept that or move on. A gentlemen will respect her for being straight up (I have when women do this).

That statement is disappointing but it’s honest. It lets a guy know exactly where he stands. It’s only fair to BOTH parties.

BUT most women don’t do that, at least not anymore. They play games and torment the guy for their own ends because they want the attention, money, validation, a tool to use against the guy they really like, etc.

Sure It’s partially about being non confrontational but the uglier deep down truth is they don’t respect the guy. They see him as less than a man. THAT is why you see so many guys getting pissed off about the friend zone. They are being exploited by selfish POS women. They should renname it as the “exploit zone”.

thoughtprocess11 · Answer

Not all of us are looking for sex but I will tell you no guy or not many want to be in the friend zone. When we emotionally attach to women we don't want to play the same role that their female friends do (no guy wants to be the male equivalent of her female best friend) We want to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship

pipeliner78 · Answer

A woman puts men she does not want to have sex with in the friend zone because she needs the ego boost!!! The guys she’s attracted to view her as a cum dumpster and this reflects her actual intrinsic value but she wants to feel better so she can hangout with a bitch male that looks up to her in hopes he’ll get laid but it never happens

Anonymous · Answer

Well lets put it this way, for a girl the guy she friendzoned would go like this:

Girls point of view: "Oh wow a guy who understands me and likes me for who I am, I can tell we'll be great friends because we have so much in common."

Guys point of view: "Hmmm, so she doesn't want to be more than just friends? I think there's that spot for me in the seventh circle of hell that I would rather sit in than go through being friendzoned."

Sorry ladies but this is probably going through 99% of guys brains.

d4wnch1ld · Answer

Being in the "friend zone" to me means that I can try as hard as I'd like, I'd never get you, even tho I have feelings for you and we're extremely close.

Jakeofalltrades93 · Answer

when guys are in the freindzone they typically want a romantic relationship with the girl, but don't pursue one because it could potentially ruin the friendship. so they have to watch as the girl they love date other guys and then have to listen as they complain about them later. its hard on them emotionally

Trihill · Answer

men that hate the friend zone, don't understand the friendship ladder theory that have become synonymous with women, and it's actually their fault for falling into that trap dilemma...all that we ask of you is that you be upfront about it and we won't try anything until you change otherwise, which does happen in some situations

Friendzoned1970 · Answer

Guys hate the friend zone because the woman who put him in the friend zone probably lead him on and then when He asked her out She friend zoned him. The more attractive a Woman is the. The more of a spawn of Satan she is.

Why do most guys hate the "friend zone" so much?

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