Why do most guys hate the "friend zone" so much?

Why do most guys hate the “friend zone” so much? The friend zone means something different to women. It is a good place to be in. Yes, in most cases it does not lead anywhere other than just staying in the friend zone, but that’s not bad.

I found an answer by a female user that I feel I agree with 100%.


“I'm sure there are women that are selfish and want to torment men for their egos (like there are men that drag a girl a long who cares for him) but to a woman, the friend zone isn't a punishment. It's saying that she cares about you even if it's not in a romantic/sexual way.

Women are relationship creatures. We love talking and sharing with our friends and hanging out. When a friend asks us out, we want the friendship to remain the same if we say no. We don't want to lose our friend or best friend over it. From a woman's perspective, when a guy asks you out and you say no to him and you never see him again and he just leaves like hat, it actually hurts you. It tells you that there was nothing good enough in you that he wanted as a friend; he just wanted the physical/sexual part. I have lost several guy friends who asked me out and I said no and it broke my heart when they never talked to me again. Granted I was young, but at the time I didn't understand "I will always be there for you" meant "I would love to always be there for you if this turns romantic/sexual but if this goes to crap or I stay in the friend zone, you will never see me again." So I opened up to those guys thinking they would always be there. It shattered me when they left. As I've gotten older I understand why. I couldn't do that either. But my desire to keep them as friends wasn't cause I was tossing them a bone. It was because I still cared for them as a regular/normal friend. I can't help who I love and don't but I still wanted them in my life because I still care for them and like them as a friend.

I know guys hate hearing this but if a woman is remotely physically attractive she has probably had a fair amount of guys hit on her in her life. And most of them walk away after they do that. But when the friend or best friend hits on you, as a woman, you don't expect him to walk away. Guys at bars leave when you turn them down, not your friend. Your friend is supposed to be there through thick and thin. So, it is heartbreaking when you lose a friend over this.

Women want men to be friends not just lovers. Sometimes it turns into lovers, sometimes not. So sometimes that gets all messed up and most of them really aren't trying to hurt the guy. We are just trying to keep something that is dear to us.”

I LOVED this answer, mainly because I agree with it 100%

I hope after reading this, that guys can understand why we girls like to keep you as platonic non-sexual/romantic friends in the friend zone. We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line..


Most Helpful Guy

  • "We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line.." Well we are more about the physical. We are all about the visual. Don't get me wrong I have many female friends but that is only because most of them I could never date, or if she ever needed to get some, I wouldn't turn her down.

    How would you like it if someone you were interested in, didn't want you but wanted to you to watch them go through a bunch of chicks (who you feel are not worthy) would you still want to be his friend?

    • I see your point. If I have a male friend and say we've been friends for a while (or not) but say I am interested/attracted to him romantically/sexually and decide to ask him out... say I do and he rejects me but says he wants to still stay friends with me. I would totally accept and understand that and would want to stay non-sexual/romantic friends with him. Yes, it wouldn't bother me to see him have a girlfriend and date other girls because I would understand that it was just not meant to be.

    • Show All
    • I understand what you mean now. It's hard for a guy to stay in the "friend zone" after being rejected when asking her out on a date, because you would still have that attraction/interest in her and you can't shake that feeling away. It feels torturous to have that feeling yet know you will never have a chance with her and see her off with other guys. That's what you mean? Well, us girls don't want to torture you guys, we just want to keep you in our lives because we still really care about you.

    • :)

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What Guys Said 17

  • Guys don't like being in the friend zone is they want to be lovers, not friends. Simple answer, I hope.

  • men that hate the friend zone, don't understand the friendship ladder theory that have become synonymous with women, and it's actually their fault for falling into that trap dilemma...all that we ask of you is that you be upfront about it and we won't try anything until you change otherwise, which does happen in some situations

    • I understand what you are saying. Thanks for your input. :)

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    • Not saying that guys don’t have emotions, but biologically girls are more emotional that guys and have a easier time sharing and expressing their emotions than guys do. I think part of it is society and part of it is biology that guys are not as emotional as girls. But I agree with you that society says that they are not “supposed” to feel as much emotion as girls.

    • Therefore girls hug all their girl friends when greeting them, but if guys were to hug all their guy friends when greeting them (which some do a “man” hug), they would be labeled gay (but not all the time). I know. It is just supposedly not the “masculine” thing to do. Yes, I totally see your point girl. Yes, it’s all pressure. Fear of rejection. But then again, rejection is a part of society that I believe is not fun, but just a part of it we have to accept and understand and it helps us be stronger and move on.

  • Your last quote is where I will start here" we believe that it's not all about the physical, but it's about the emotional". This is why I can say SOME guys leave, the emotional aspect of the friendship. In quite a lot of these arrangements, not all, the girl is laying heavy emotional content on the guy friend. From her bad days, to periods, to the bitches she hate, all the way to the really get under our skin type stuff. For the guys that show compassion and care for there friend, you occasionally will hear how much you'd make a good boyfriend to some girl, and boyfriend troubles because you are her comfort zone. For some, it's not that a guy wouldn't care what you're going through but in the chance the guy is friend zoned which is usually a one sided thing where feelings for the other is involved, in this case the male to the female and not reciprocated. It's becomes emotionally agonizing to hear over time. And thus this is what causes a guy to leave SOME TIMES... for his own health and sanity. Being in this kind of friendship can cause feelings to grow without warning or overnight. You might've started as truly being her friend but one day she, skipped from her car to the door, or she picked up your cup and drank from your straw, or the sun hit her just right and the moment was magical. And next thing you know your feelings have changed. And in order to sometimes not ruin her relationship if she's in one, the guy chooses to leave. Some confess feelings before they do &I some just leave knowing rejection is imminent and wish to spare themselves the pain of it. I'm at work or is go into more detail and check grammar haha. ! but that's how it happens sometimes. Guys leave to stop the emotional agony that comes with her getting boyfriend after boyfriend, or just when the feelings become to much and you know they will never be returned. I'm there now :(

  • It's simple. If a man wants you sexually/romantically and you turn him down you're telling him he's not good enough for you. Sure he's good enough as a friend but he doesn't see you that way. He will ALWAYS want to be with you. He wi ALWAYS want tk have sex with you. And there's nothing worse than wanting that, and the girl you want makes you watch her go through other men while he sits and waits for you to either change your mind or let your guarddown. My bbelief is that no man or woman that are both heterosexual can co exist as friends without one of them being sexually attracted to the other. In my experience that has always proven true

  • Why do girls hate the "friends with benefits or f*** buddy zone" so much? We guys believe it's not all about the emotional . . . but it's about the physical too. Sometimes we find a girl really, really hot and want to just bang her again and again, but we don't want to deal with relationship drama or her emotional issues. Hot sex is hot sex. Bottom line. It should be a complement to how desirable we see the girl as a sex partner.

    Does that sound reasonable? If it does, then I can buy into your arguement on the virtues of the friend zone. These two arrangements are exactly the same.

    • No I totally don't think all girls hate the fb friends with benefits scene. My lady friend and I are kinda in that phase now, because she's going through a divorce and we're on the down low. The catch for us is that we're long distance, but in some ways I guess she's keeping it subconscientiously fair. I want to be there for her emotionally and listen to her, but she's not always talkative. And of course we're not always banging either lol. The point being is that a lot of women don't wanna think about their feelings or problems 24/7 or talk about them. So the fb and probably more so the friends with benefits scene is great for them because they can just escape into their man's world and forget reality for a short time. And I get that! :D So it's a win win. It just takes A LOT of patience and dicipline, but like her and I discussed if it's real we'll keep coming back to each other.

    • There's a lot of confusion for women that guys may not know and its hard for women to explain that to guys when theyre confused themselves.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think the friend zone is a pretty good place to be! Friends before lovers. My friends are the people I actually want to keep with me for the rest of my life.

  • You a fucking liar all you girls want to do is hurt a guys heart and mess with his head and use him so go die in hole girls don't want guys as friends bullshit it's all a trick stop listening ignore them also guys don't want sex all the time were not animals we have hearts when we wanna show it it also hurts when being turned down

  • I hate this whole idea of a "friend zone." No one "puts you there." You're not entitled to fuck every woman by default, until she "puts you" in another zone. Everyone is friendship material first. It takes a mutual connection and attraction, a spark, and even just luck in time and place a lot of times to make an acquaintance or friendship into something more. I hate this way of looking at things, that supposes it's some insult to want to be friends with someone, and not feeling anything more for literally a multitude of reasons. It's so self-centered in my opinion, and I think it over-sexualizes male/female relationships to the point where some of these men can't see value in women as people, as friends, only as sexual conquests. And that's fucking insulting. There's nothing wrong with being my friend. Especially if I think of you as a good friend, that speaks highly of you.