Why do most guys hate the "friend zone" so much?

Why do most guys hate the “friend zone” so much? The friend zone means something different to women. It is a good place to be in. Yes, in most cases it does not lead anywhere other than just staying in the friend zone, but that’s not bad.

I found an answer by a female user that I feel I agree with 100%.

Quote:

“I'm sure there are women that are selfish and want to torment men for their egos (like there are men that drag a girl a long who cares for him) but to a woman, the friend zone isn't a punishment. It's saying that she cares about you even if it's not in a romantic/sexual way.

Women are relationship creatures. We love talking and sharing with our friends and hanging out. When a friend asks us out, we want the friendship to remain the same if we say no. We don't want to lose our friend or best friend over it. From a woman's perspective, when a guy asks you out and you say no to him and you never see him again and he just leaves like hat, it actually hurts you. It tells you that there was nothing good enough in you that he wanted as a friend; he just wanted the physical/sexual part. I have lost several guy friends who asked me out and I said no and it broke my heart when they never talked to me again. Granted I was young, but at the time I didn't understand "I will always be there for you" meant "I would love to always be there for you if this turns romantic/sexual but if this goes to crap or I stay in the friend zone, you will never see me again." So I opened up to those guys thinking they would always be there. It shattered me when they left. As I've gotten older I understand why. I couldn't do that either. But my desire to keep them as friends wasn't cause I was tossing them a bone. It was because I still cared for them as a regular/normal friend. I can't help who I love and don't but I still wanted them in my life because I still care for them and like them as a friend.

I know guys hate hearing this but if a woman is remotely physically attractive she has probably had a fair amount of guys hit on her in her life. And most of them walk away after they do that. But when the friend or best friend hits on you, as a woman, you don't expect him to walk away. Guys at bars leave when you turn them down, not your friend. Your friend is supposed to be there through thick and thin. So, it is heartbreaking when you lose a friend over this.

Women want men to be friends not just lovers. Sometimes it turns into lovers, sometimes not. So sometimes that gets all messed up and most of them really aren't trying to hurt the guy. We are just trying to keep something that is dear to us.”

I LOVED this answer, mainly because I agree with it 100%

I hope after reading this, that guys can understand why we girls like to keep you as platonic non-sexual/romantic friends in the friend zone. We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line..

 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • "We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line.." Well we are more about the physical. We are all about the visual. Don't get me wrong I have many female friends but that is only because most of them I could never date, or if she ever needed to get some, I wouldn't turn her down.

    How would you like it if someone you were interested in, didn't want you but wanted to you to watch them go through a bunch of chicks (who you feel are not worthy) would you still want to be his friend?

    • :)

    • I understand what you mean now. It's hard for a guy to stay in the "friend zone" after being rejected when asking her out on a date, because you would still have that attraction/interest in her and you can't shake that feeling away. It feels torturous to have that feeling yet know you will never have a chance with her and see her off with other guys. That's what you mean? Well, us girls don't want to torture you guys, we just want to keep you in our lives because we still really care about you.

    • Hang on now, lol. My female friends will never be my boys. Guys do stupid things together and we like to be stupid in private. I'm sure females do as well. I treat all my friends (guy/girl) with respect. I don't look at it as a waste of time (sorry poor choice of words) it'll just feel like I'm waiting around for her. But that attraction will always be there. So it's not easy to just turn it off. I don't have a problem being there for a friend but I don't know how to support her when she crys.

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What Guys Said 9

  • 11d

    It's simple. If a man wants you sexually/romantically and you turn him down you're telling him he's not good enough for you. Sure he's good enough as a friend but he doesn't see you that way. He will ALWAYS want to be with you. He wi ALWAYS want tk have sex with you. And there's nothing worse than wanting that, and the girl you want makes you watch her go through other men while he sits and waits for you to either change your mind or let your guarddown. My bbelief is that no man or woman that are both heterosexual can co exist as friends without one of them being sexually attracted to the other. In my experience that has always proven true

  • 2mo

    I only dislike the friendzone if I like the girl that puts me in it. A few girls have put me in the zone and well the friendship didn't last too much longer afterwards.

  • I just got the "I can only be friends" card pulled on me. I'll offer you my personal perspective. This girl and I had a fling last year before she moved a 1000 miles away. We kept in touch and I even visited her once. Everytime we were face to face we kissed and did things beyond friendship. There were times where we didn't talk because we probably moved on but she always would pull me back in. We didn't talk for 3 months before her return home. She started reaching out to me and we went on one date the second day she was home. It was great until I went for a kiss...denied. Then she sends me an email saying she can only be my friend. I sent her a reply and basically said I can't be that for her knowing I want more.

    The reason I had to turn down that friendship even though she is someone I care about a great deal and enjoy her company is that I knew I would just be causing myself pain in the future. I didn't want to be there for when she met a new guy.

    Another thing for me was that I felt used. I became someone she contacted when she was upset or down and I was someone that made her feel better. It was hard to accept a situation where I'm this person that she loves to be around, share feelings with and uplifts her but all I get to be is her friend. If our relationship was just that the entire time then fine, but we had crossed those lines and I never lost those feelings for her. I'm a great guy and I want to be that for the right girl but I can't let myself offer up the best of me to someone that won't return that. Its too painful.

    Maybe sometime it has to do with a guy being bitter but I think a lot its because they realize they are in a situation that can only cause them pain.

    • 11d

      Oh wow, well I'm glad I found a place like this, because you hit the nail on the head. I'm not sure if this is a little more complicated, because that always seems like an objective word to me. I have a lady friend that we reconnected with. We hadn't talked for the past 9 years and she reached out to me, so of course I befriended her again. We had a brief history back then, but now she's going through a divorce. We both have feelings for each other and have both agreed that we want to be friends first. Well I went over there and we spent some time together and of course we were intimate. She's actually coming over to my town for Labor Day. I want to be there for her but there are times where I think I'm just trying too hard when she wants to figure things out for herself. It's real hard to not be pushy or to not be too distant. Somedays it's great and others I feel like she's ignoring me. Right now I'm here because I want to learn on my own about all this craziness.

    • 2mo

      Feels Bro, Those Feels. :/

  • Well lets put it this way, for a girl the guy she friendzoned would go like this:

    Girls point of view: "Oh wow a guy who understands me and likes me for who I am, I can tell we'll be great friends because we have so much in common."

    Guys point of view: "Hmmm, so she doesn't want to be more than just friends? I think there's that spot for me in the seventh circle of hell that I would rather sit in than go through being friendzoned."

    Sorry ladies but this is probably going through 99% of guys brains.

    • 11d

      Here's my take on this friendzone fb friends with benefits crap. First it feels like a label, and people on both sides really don't like that to start. Secondly none of these scenarios really says 2 way street does it? Someone is getting fucked and it's not with the jelly. With the friendzone the girl gets the rewards because she gets the emotional out of it especially if the guys a great listener. The friends with benefits or fb the guy is getting the most cause honestly how often are you talking about your problems in the middle of horizontalizing? So if you've already been intimate and this happens on either side, the best thing is either both aggreeing to communicate, or just being patient and find a good distraction. And whatever you do, NEVER, NEVER associate this new distraction between you both unless you both want it. Cause if you both DONT want it, you're talkin manipulation, mistrust, betrayal... whole effin can of worms there.

  • Why do girls hate the "friends with benefits or f*** buddy zone" so much? We guys believe it's not all about the emotional . . . but it's about the physical too. Sometimes we find a girl really, really hot and want to just bang her again and again, but we don't want to deal with relationship drama or her emotional issues. Hot sex is hot sex. Bottom line. It should be a complement to how desirable we see the girl as a sex partner.

    Does that sound reasonable? If it does, then I can buy into your arguement on the virtues of the friend zone. These two arrangements are exactly the same.

    • 11d

      There's a lot of confusion for women that guys may not know and its hard for women to explain that to guys when theyre confused themselves.

    • 11d

      No I totally don't think all girls hate the fb friends with benefits scene. My lady friend and I are kinda in that phase now, because she's going through a divorce and we're on the down low. The catch for us is that we're long distance, but in some ways I guess she's keeping it subconscientiously fair. I want to be there for her emotionally and listen to her, but she's not always talkative. And of course we're not always banging either lol. The point being is that a lot of women don't wanna think about their feelings or problems 24/7 or talk about them. So the fb and probably more so the friends with benefits scene is great for them because they can just escape into their man's world and forget reality for a short time. And I get that! :D So it's a win win. It just takes A LOT of patience and dicipline, but like her and I discussed if it's real we'll keep coming back to each other.

  • For a lot of guys, when they get hurt by getting rejected, they want revenge. As you said, if a woman rejects a guy friend and he drops her as a friend, it hurts her, and that's part of the reason why the guy does it, because it's a quick, simple form of revenge. Also, being around her might remind them too much of her rejecting them.

    • I think that it’s great that whenever you get romantic rejection you feel down and hurt but don't have ill feelings toward the girl and want to cause her pain or revenge at her. I think it’s wonderful that you practice forgiveness, and I do too. Yes, I know it's in the bible and it's the example set by Christ. Yes, I agree that there is nothing to forgive for romantic rejection, unless the rejection itself was rude. Exactly, I agree with you on that.

    • I would understand that were are human and not perfect and forget things from time to time and would totally forgive her for that and accept and appreciate her apology, knowing she wasn’t doing that intentionally by not keeping to her word.

    • It would definitely not ruin our friendship over something small like that. That’s pathetic! So, you’re wrong that if it were two girls that it would cause drama and ruin the friendship. Not all girls are the same, so maybe yes, maybe for some other girls it would cause drama, but for me personally and my friends, if that happened with me and a good female friend of mine trust me, it would NOT cause drama at all. Especially if she apologizes.

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  • now explain, fwb? hahahahhahahahah

    • Thanks! :)

    • U too :)

    • Thanks for all your time and help. You really helped me understand a lot about guys I didn't know and I learned a lot from you. :) Thanks so much! But I agree, and see what you are saying that guys are probably just pretending. I understand that they don't like it and will pretend.. anyways, take care!

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  • Being in the "friend zone" to me means that I can try as hard as I'd like, I'd never get you, even tho I have feelings for you and we're extremely close.

    • I understand what you mean. But at least you would still be friends with this girl and care for her too, just like she would still care for you too. I mean, you can't change a girl's mind when she says she's not interested, but if she wants to stay friends, then that's better than nothing. A good friendship is always good, in my opinion. But I understand that it would be hard since you would still have deeper feelings for her and as hard as you want to try, you know you will never have her.

  • men that hate the friend zone, don't understand the friendship ladder theory that have become synonymous with women, and it's actually their fault for falling into that trap dilemma...all that we ask of you is that you be upfront about it and we won't try anything until you change otherwise, which does happen in some situations

    • Therefore girls hug all their girl friends when greeting them, but if guys were to hug all their guy friends when greeting them (which some do a “man” hug), they would be labeled gay (but not all the time). I know. It is just supposedly not the “masculine” thing to do. Yes, I totally see your point girl. Yes, it’s all pressure. Fear of rejection. But then again, rejection is a part of society that I believe is not fun, but just a part of it we have to accept and understand and it helps us be stronger and move on.

    • Not saying that guys don’t have emotions, but biologically girls are more emotional that guys and have a easier time sharing and expressing their emotions than guys do. I think part of it is society and part of it is biology that guys are not as emotional as girls. But I agree with you that society says that they are not “supposed” to feel as much emotion as girls.

    • But I respect that some girls feel differently about this, but yes, I was just saying about myself. Very true that society also puts the pressure on guys to not be as emotional as girls. But also I believe that hormones and stuff have to do with that. Biologically, us females are naturally more emotional than guys because of how our bodies and brains are made and our hormones.

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