Why do most guys hate the "friend zone" so much?

Why do most guys hate the “friend zone” so much? The friend zone means something different to women. It is a good place to be in. Yes, in most cases it does not lead anywhere other than just staying in the friend zone, but that’s not bad.

I found an answer by a female user that I feel I agree with 100%.

Quote:

“I'm sure there are women that are selfish and want to torment men for their egos (like there are men that drag a girl a long who cares for him) but to a woman, the friend zone isn't a punishment. It's saying that she cares about you even if it's not in a romantic/sexual way.

Women are relationship creatures. We love talking and sharing with our friends and hanging out. When a friend asks us out, we want the friendship to remain the same if we say no. We don't want to lose our friend or best friend over it. From a woman's perspective, when a guy asks you out and you say no to him and you never see him again and he just leaves like hat, it actually hurts you. It tells you that there was nothing good enough in you that he wanted as a friend; he just wanted the physical/sexual part. I have lost several guy friends who asked me out and I said no and it broke my heart when they never talked to me again. Granted I was young, but at the time I didn't understand "I will always be there for you" meant "I would love to always be there for you if this turns romantic/sexual but if this goes to crap or I stay in the friend zone, you will never see me again." So I opened up to those guys thinking they would always be there. It shattered me when they left. As I've gotten older I understand why. I couldn't do that either. But my desire to keep them as friends wasn't cause I was tossing them a bone. It was because I still cared for them as a regular/normal friend. I can't help who I love and don't but I still wanted them in my life because I still care for them and like them as a friend.

I know guys hate hearing this but if a woman is remotely physically attractive she has probably had a fair amount of guys hit on her in her life. And most of them walk away after they do that. But when the friend or best friend hits on you, as a woman, you don't expect him to walk away. Guys at bars leave when you turn them down, not your friend. Your friend is supposed to be there through thick and thin. So, it is heartbreaking when you lose a friend over this.

Women want men to be friends not just lovers. Sometimes it turns into lovers, sometimes not. So sometimes that gets all messed up and most of them really aren't trying to hurt the guy. We are just trying to keep something that is dear to us.”

I LOVED this answer, mainly because I agree with it 100%

I hope after reading this, that guys can understand why we girls like to keep you as platonic non-sexual/romantic friends in the friend zone. We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "We believe that it’s not all about the physical… but it’s about the emotional. Friends are friends. Bottom line.." Well we are more about the physical. We are all about the visual. Don't get me wrong I have many female friends but that is only because most of them I could never date, or if she ever needed to get some, I wouldn't turn her down.

    How would you like it if someone you were interested in, didn't want you but wanted to you to watch them go through a bunch of chicks (who you feel are not worthy) would you still want to be his friend?

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    • I see your point. If I have a male friend and say we've been friends for a while (or not) but say I am interested/attracted to him romantically/sexually and decide to ask him out... say I do and he rejects me but says he wants to still stay friends with me. I would totally accept and understand that and would want to stay non-sexual/romantic friends with him. Yes, it wouldn't bother me to see him have a girlfriend and date other girls because I would understand that it was just not meant to be.

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    • I understand what you mean now. It's hard for a guy to stay in the "friend zone" after being rejected when asking her out on a date, because you would still have that attraction/interest in her and you can't shake that feeling away. It feels torturous to have that feeling yet know you will never have a chance with her and see her off with other guys. That's what you mean? Well, us girls don't want to torture you guys, we just want to keep you in our lives because we still really care about you.

What Guys Said 16

  • men that hate the friend zone, don't understand the friendship ladder theory that have become synonymous with women, and it's actually their fault for falling into that trap dilemma...all that we ask of you is that you be upfront about it and we won't try anything until you change otherwise, which does happen in some situations

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    • I understand what you are saying. Thanks for your input. :)

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    • Not saying that guys don’t have emotions, but biologically girls are more emotional that guys and have a easier time sharing and expressing their emotions than guys do. I think part of it is society and part of it is biology that guys are not as emotional as girls. But I agree with you that society says that they are not “supposed” to feel as much emotion as girls.

    • Therefore girls hug all their girl friends when greeting them, but if guys were to hug all their guy friends when greeting them (which some do a “man” hug), they would be labeled gay (but not all the time). I know. It is just supposedly not the “masculine” thing to do. Yes, I totally see your point girl. Yes, it’s all pressure. Fear of rejection. But then again, rejection is a part of society that I believe is not fun, but just a part of it we have to accept and understand and it helps us be stronger and move on.

  • Your last quote is where I will start here" we believe that it's not all about the physical, but it's about the emotional". This is why I can say SOME guys leave, the emotional aspect of the friendship. In quite a lot of these arrangements, not all, the girl is laying heavy emotional content on the guy friend. From her bad days, to periods, to the bitches she hate, all the way to the really get under our skin type stuff. For the guys that show compassion and care for there friend, you occasionally will hear how much you'd make a good boyfriend to some girl, and boyfriend troubles because you are her comfort zone. For some, it's not that a guy wouldn't care what you're going through but in the chance the guy is friend zoned which is usually a one sided thing where feelings for the other is involved, in this case the male to the female and not reciprocated. It's becomes emotionally agonizing to hear over time. And thus this is what causes a guy to leave SOME TIMES... for his own health and sanity. Being in this kind of friendship can cause feelings to grow without warning or overnight. You might've started as truly being her friend but one day she, skipped from her car to the door, or she picked up your cup and drank from your straw, or the sun hit her just right and the moment was magical. And next thing you know your feelings have changed. And in order to sometimes not ruin her relationship if she's in one, the guy chooses to leave. Some confess feelings before they do &I some just leave knowing rejection is imminent and wish to spare themselves the pain of it. I'm at work or is go into more detail and check grammar haha. ! but that's how it happens sometimes. Guys leave to stop the emotional agony that comes with her getting boyfriend after boyfriend, or just when the feelings become to much and you know they will never be returned. I'm there now :(

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  • Why do girls hate the "friends with benefits or f*** buddy zone" so much? We guys believe it's not all about the emotional . . . but it's about the physical too. Sometimes we find a girl really, really hot and want to just bang her again and again, but we don't want to deal with relationship drama or her emotional issues. Hot sex is hot sex. Bottom line. It should be a complement to how desirable we see the girl as a sex partner.

    Does that sound reasonable? If it does, then I can buy into your arguement on the virtues of the friend zone. These two arrangements are exactly the same.

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    • No I totally don't think all girls hate the fb friends with benefits scene. My lady friend and I are kinda in that phase now, because she's going through a divorce and we're on the down low. The catch for us is that we're long distance, but in some ways I guess she's keeping it subconscientiously fair. I want to be there for her emotionally and listen to her, but she's not always talkative. And of course we're not always banging either lol. The point being is that a lot of women don't wanna think about their feelings or problems 24/7 or talk about them. So the fb and probably more so the friends with benefits scene is great for them because they can just escape into their man's world and forget reality for a short time. And I get that! :D So it's a win win. It just takes A LOT of patience and dicipline, but like her and I discussed if it's real we'll keep coming back to each other.

    • There's a lot of confusion for women that guys may not know and its hard for women to explain that to guys when theyre confused themselves.

  • It's simple. If a man wants you sexually/romantically and you turn him down you're telling him he's not good enough for you. Sure he's good enough as a friend but he doesn't see you that way. He will ALWAYS want to be with you. He wi ALWAYS want tk have sex with you. And there's nothing worse than wanting that, and the girl you want makes you watch her go through other men while he sits and waits for you to either change your mind or let your guarddown. My bbelief is that no man or woman that are both heterosexual can co exist as friends without one of them being sexually attracted to the other. In my experience that has always proven true

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  • For a lot of guys, when they get hurt by getting rejected, they want revenge. As you said, if a woman rejects a guy friend and he drops her as a friend, it hurts her, and that's part of the reason why the guy does it, because it's a quick, simple form of revenge. Also, being around her might remind them too much of her rejecting them.

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    • Thanks for your answer. Makes sense. But point is, revenge is a bad thing. In ANY case, that is what I believe at least. The girl is not trying to hurt the guy by rejecting him. He should understand and accept the FACT that she will NOT be interested/attracted to every guy in the world in a sexual/romantic way, and want to date them/have a relationship with them. He should know that that is not realistic and that should make him more understanding and accept that she is not trying to hurt him.

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    • I would understand that were are human and not perfect and forget things from time to time and would totally forgive her for that and accept and appreciate her apology, knowing she wasn’t doing that intentionally by not keeping to her word.

    • I think that it’s great that whenever you get romantic rejection you feel down and hurt but don't have ill feelings toward the girl and want to cause her pain or revenge at her. I think it’s wonderful that you practice forgiveness, and I do too. Yes, I know it's in the bible and it's the example set by Christ. Yes, I agree that there is nothing to forgive for romantic rejection, unless the rejection itself was rude. Exactly, I agree with you on that.

  • @ the original poster...

    Lets just say...

    I want my money to stay with me forever. And I want my body to be healthy. But... if I meet with an accident, and if I'm in a lot of pain, I'd choose to spend my money to get rid of my pain. Even though, it hurts me when my money leaves me, I would still choose to let the money go... coz letting the money go might help me get rid of my physical pain.

    Similarly, if you think that losing a friend is going to hurt you a LOT, you can give him what he wants and find peace. As simple as that.

    ///////

    And coming back to your question... why do guys hate friend zone...
    By throwing a guy into the friend zone, you are telling him that you dont care about his needs. You dont care what he wants and you dont care about what makes him happy. Because, you dont want to come out of your comfort zone and do some "extra" things to make him feel better. So... obviously, the guy would feel that all past friendship means nothing to you and you dont care about his feelings. So, the guy will walk out of your friendship.

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  • Question is what value do women bring to the friendship? I am a guy and to me my male friends are the real friends who will drop their thing to come help me, watch my back and be there for me. They will ask and give just as much.

    Women on the other hand have little to offer as a friend. Put it simply they do not have the skills, talent and the temperament to be your friend. Typically they befriend you when they do not have boyfriends. The ultimate guy for a woman is a man who checks the boxes that offer her the stability of a father, the protection of a brother and the passion of a lover. In a "friend" the woman is trying to check the first two boxes because of lack of attraction for the male. She is unwilling to check the third box.

    Women as friends, Ask for a gazilion favors, discuss their life drama with you, want you to be the security gaurd when they venture into new situations and 90% of the time forget you quickly once a boyfriend walks into their lonely lives and then lean on you when things go bad in that relationship.

    Worst of all, they hate all the women in your life. Every woman you are dating supposedly has an ulterior motive. Every woman you like and respect is actually a bitch. Overall, They love to tag you along because you are zero liability, high utility "friend" unlike their bitchy and competitive female friends. The guy just ends up having a lot to offer in this friendship.

    I have over the years written off women as friends. To me they are good companions but not friends. And let's flip it around, the same women who entertains male friends because she is not attracted to them will have zero tolerance to get into the friendzone with a guy she is attracted to. No woman has any time to enter or stay in the friendzone.

    Sorry ladies. I love you as moms, sisters, aunts, grandmas but as friends for the opposite sex, there is a lot of work that needs to be done to prove yourself. I am a man, have no need or desire to feel sexless and emasculated.

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  • Being in the "friend zone" to me means that I can try as hard as I'd like, I'd never get you, even tho I have feelings for you and we're extremely close.

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    • I understand what you mean. But at least you would still be friends with this girl and care for her too, just like she would still care for you too. I mean, you can't change a girl's mind when she says she's not interested, but if she wants to stay friends, then that's better than nothing. A good friendship is always good, in my opinion. But I understand that it would be hard since you would still have deeper feelings for her and as hard as you want to try, you know you will never have her.

  • Guys don't like being in the friend zone is they want to be lovers, not friends. Simple answer, I hope.

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  • The denomination of friend-zone is just an euphemism. It is just a way to say we will never never never have sex unless there isn't a friendship between ourselves.

    There are two cases in which a girl can demostrate a guy they are in the friend-zone:
    - If they have date some times and the girl says to the guy that she likes him only as friend. They are not friends because there wasn't the emotional connection needed to be friends.
    - If a girl wants to leave her boyfriend but she said: we can still be friends. In this case the emotional connection is stronger than in the previous case, but it is very cold for a guy knowing that he will never never never have sex with his exgirlfriend.

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  • self-entitled losers...

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  • i dont. if i never marry i want women to see me only as friend cause i have a soul to take care of... .

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  • I only dislike the friendzone if I like the girl that puts me in it. A few girls have put me in the zone and well the friendship didn't last too much longer afterwards.

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  • I just got the "I can only be friends" card pulled on me. I'll offer you my personal perspective. This girl and I had a fling last year before she moved a 1000 miles away. We kept in touch and I even visited her once. Everytime we were face to face we kissed and did things beyond friendship. There were times where we didn't talk because we probably moved on but she always would pull me back in. We didn't talk for 3 months before her return home. She started reaching out to me and we went on one date the second day she was home. It was great until I went for a kiss...denied. Then she sends me an email saying she can only be my friend. I sent her a reply and basically said I can't be that for her knowing I want more.

    The reason I had to turn down that friendship even though she is someone I care about a great deal and enjoy her company is that I knew I would just be causing myself pain in the future. I didn't want to be there for when she met a new guy.

    Another thing for me was that I felt used. I became someone she contacted when she was upset or down and I was someone that made her feel better. It was hard to accept a situation where I'm this person that she loves to be around, share feelings with and uplifts her but all I get to be is her friend. If our relationship was just that the entire time then fine, but we had crossed those lines and I never lost those feelings for her. I'm a great guy and I want to be that for the right girl but I can't let myself offer up the best of me to someone that won't return that. Its too painful.

    Maybe sometime it has to do with a guy being bitter but I think a lot its because they realize they are in a situation that can only cause them pain.

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    • Feels Bro, Those Feels. :/

    • Oh wow, well I'm glad I found a place like this, because you hit the nail on the head. I'm not sure if this is a little more complicated, because that always seems like an objective word to me. I have a lady friend that we reconnected with. We hadn't talked for the past 9 years and she reached out to me, so of course I befriended her again. We had a brief history back then, but now she's going through a divorce. We both have feelings for each other and have both agreed that we want to be friends first. Well I went over there and we spent some time together and of course we were intimate. She's actually coming over to my town for Labor Day. I want to be there for her but there are times where I think I'm just trying too hard when she wants to figure things out for herself. It's real hard to not be pushy or to not be too distant. Somedays it's great and others I feel like she's ignoring me. Right now I'm here because I want to learn on my own about all this craziness.

  • Well lets put it this way, for a girl the guy she friendzoned would go like this:

    Girls point of view: "Oh wow a guy who understands me and likes me for who I am, I can tell we'll be great friends because we have so much in common."

    Guys point of view: "Hmmm, so she doesn't want to be more than just friends? I think there's that spot for me in the seventh circle of hell that I would rather sit in than go through being friendzoned."

    Sorry ladies but this is probably going through 99% of guys brains.

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    • Here's my take on this friendzone fb friends with benefits crap. First it feels like a label, and people on both sides really don't like that to start. Secondly none of these scenarios really says 2 way street does it? Someone is getting fucked and it's not with the jelly. With the friendzone the girl gets the rewards because she gets the emotional out of it especially if the guys a great listener. The friends with benefits or fb the guy is getting the most cause honestly how often are you talking about your problems in the middle of horizontalizing? So if you've already been intimate and this happens on either side, the best thing is either both aggreeing to communicate, or just being patient and find a good distraction. And whatever you do, NEVER, NEVER associate this new distraction between you both unless you both want it. Cause if you both DONT want it, you're talkin manipulation, mistrust, betrayal... whole effin can of worms there.

  • now explain, fwb? hahahahhahahahah

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    • Friends with benefits is a totally different story. They are not in a relationship yet still sexual with each other. I don't support that, but it's a free world and like I said, I respect people who chose friends with benefits. It's just something I would NEVER do.

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    • U too :)

What Girls Said 3

  • You a fucking liar all you girls want to do is hurt a guys heart and mess with his head and use him so go die in hole girls don't want guys as friends bullshit it's all a trick stop listening ignore them also guys don't want sex all the time were not animals we have hearts when we wanna show it it also hurts when being turned down

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  • I think the friend zone is a pretty good place to be! Friends before lovers. My friends are the people I actually want to keep with me for the rest of my life.

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  • I hate this whole idea of a "friend zone." No one "puts you there." You're not entitled to fuck every woman by default, until she "puts you" in another zone. Everyone is friendship material first. It takes a mutual connection and attraction, a spark, and even just luck in time and place a lot of times to make an acquaintance or friendship into something more. I hate this way of looking at things, that supposes it's some insult to want to be friends with someone, and not feeling anything more for literally a multitude of reasons. It's so self-centered in my opinion, and I think it over-sexualizes male/female relationships to the point where some of these men can't see value in women as people, as friends, only as sexual conquests. And that's fucking insulting. There's nothing wrong with being my friend. Especially if I think of you as a good friend, that speaks highly of you.

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