Boyfriend cheated...need space..but want to get back with him after

[spring2092]

so I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 22 he cheated on me with some friend of his (she has a boyfriend by the way whom both me and my boyfriend knew) anyways my boyfriend confessed it to me ...he admitted that he was selfish because he got caught up in the fact that she had the same interest as him and started neglecting our relationship but that somewhere along the way it started to not feel right and it made him appreciate me and our relationship...i know he messed up badly but I've been with him for 4 years he told me that he wants to earn my trust back and to give him a chance to show him and that he will not talk to the girl at all anymore even as a friend ..i believed him I really did but I decided to still break up with him to teach him a lesson and show him that cheating will not be tolerated.

so my main question is how do I go about getting back into the relationship without seeming like a sucker...i was thinking taking a month to myself no contact with him and then eventually letting him know I want to talk and see how we can work on the relationship or should I let him know that I'm planning to get back but need time? I'm so confused as in what to do because I want to get back with him already and just fix things(especially since that girl I so happily with her boyfriend like nothing happened) but then again I want him to learn his lesson and I don't want to get him back so quickly

hes been texting me everyday since the break up and its been 2weeks already what should I do he started so seem like he is giving up since he isn't texting as much anymore

and please no once a cheater always a cheater only respond if you are willing to give me advice on my decision please and thanks

[Anonymous]

You're doing the right thing. I would continue to completely ignore him. Act like you're having fun with your friends (you know, Facebook statuses and what not). Don't respond to his texts. Since you said it's been two weeks I would wait at least three more. My boyfriend dumped me and I took him back right away after he changed his mind and I regret that decision because he just did it again thinking he can get away with whatever he wants. No matter how hard it is to ignore him just think how much more he will value you after. You have to show him that you'd be perfectly fine without him in order for him to appreciate you. You're not going to be a doormat who gets taken advantage of.

[spring2092]

yea I just don't want it to backfire and have him find someone else or have him give up because a month is a while

[ArtistBboy]

BULLSEYE -> But damn, women can be playfully evil.. I LIKE it! ;D

[Anonymous]

well I cheated on my ex with the guy I am with now...I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater crap..A person is able to control their actions and feelings toward other people. You need to sit down with him and lay everything out on the line with how you feel and if this situation comes up again you're done.. He needs to prove to you he wants to be with you and do anything and everything in his power to keep you happy! but you also have to do the same for him and talk with him..relationships are all about communication, if there is none then there isn't a relationship..talk with each other and help each other and stay happy

[morngunt]

You shouldn't let him know right away because he is going to get the impression that it's alright to cheat and he might do it again because he would expect you to take him back. You should let it ride out because if he wants to be with you he will keep trying to get you back.

[sikoo31]

theres two types of cheaters:

type one: cheats and feels bad for a while or doesn't really but acts like he/she is and then cheats again and again.

type two: cheats once, feels terrible about it and never does it again. if he's willing to let you go because he doesn't feel he deserves you anymore, he's type two.

if he is, you might be doing the right thing getting back with him. but if he's type one, leave him and never look back, he will only break your heart over and over. you might end up losing trust for men in general.

[spring2092]

right now he seems like type two because I told him I needed space and time to myself and to be left alone so all he does is write me goodnight so its like he is giving me my space but at the same time letting me know he still cares

but I find it quite contradictory since if he did care wouldn't he fight for me regardless...why let me move on it will seem as though he wasn't interested in the first place

[sikoo31]

hmm, I don't know about that. like I said, he might not feel he deservers you anymore.

if you love something, let it go... but at the same time, if you love someone, don't cheat at all.

[spring2092]

do you have any advice on how I should go about getting back with him without seeming desperate and week?

[sikoo31]

well you might not want to get back with him at first. you could ask him to hang out, or just start talking to him again and wait for him to bring it up. see how you're getting along and then decide.

[spring2092]

ok one more question should I care or should I even ask him if he stayed in contact with the girl after we broke up or should it not be of my concern since we are not together

[sikoo31]

you should care, and its OK if you do. you still like him enough to get back with him so its only natural to care, he can't expect you not to.

[spring2092]

yea I just hope I'm doing the right thing and that I don't scare him away to move on because I need time to sort my feeling and see what I want...i didn't tell him we would get back together because that would defeat the purpose of me taking the break from him if he knows we going to get back in the end it wouldn't work I wanted to show him there are consequences I just hope he sticks around and if not then I guess I will definitely have to move on :(

[sikoo31]

well just remember that he was the one that messed up, not you. never forget it, some people get cheated on and think they're the ones who need to change, its so stupid.

[spring2092]

yea sometimes I get tempted to call or text him and just fix this but I know in the end the more time apart the more he will value me when we get back together (if that happens)

[sikoo31]

yup.

[Anonymous]

dont let him earn his trust easily or he'll think he can do it again. You need to make him really appreciate being with you, and make him understand that if he EVER does it again you will not be in his life anymore.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend cheated on me and told him that i can't talk to him right after i knew what he did. He didn't send a mesg after I've said that. Was he waiting for me to send him a mesg to talk things out? Please advice. I dont know what to do and what he is thinking. Thanks.

[MikeVick4MVP]

every1 deserves a second chance no matter what they did :p

[Frosty_sizzle]

He cheated on you once he probably will again.