I don't trust my girlfriend.

Hi guys, basically I just don't trust my girlfriend, I don't know what to do, I can't tell if I'm paranoid or if I really should not trust her, and I could really do with some advice because I suck at relationships. I'll try and keep it short.

We got together about a month ago after I went straight round to her house (first day we met) and we had sex. I really liked her, she seemed really nice and very honest, and she asked me if I would like to be with her. I just thought "why not?".

She then starts messaging a lot of other guys on Facebook, tells me she has a lot of male friends (I've heard that before). She goes to stop at a guys house who she says is like a brother to her - there are 7 guys there too, and her "friend" was trying to convince her to have sex with one of his other friends while they're talking on the phone.

We break up after an arguement. Apparently one of her mates has seen me with another girl, which is complete bollocks. I'm thinking cover up for something she's done maybe?

We get back together. One day I have a strange feeling she's still messaging guys on Facebook. I have a feeling her relationship status is set to "single". I check. It is.

We break up again. I see her this Monday since we work at the same place, and we end up kissing and stuff. I ask her if she'd want an open relatinship instead, so that we can enjoy each other without all the arguements over seeing other people, she agrees.

I was set to meet another girl today. This morning after staying the night with her, she keeps asking me if I'm meeting any other girls, which I say "not yet" to because I don't want to rub it in her face or deliberately make her jealous. She tells me she's meeting another guy tonight and that he's staying over - I honestly really don't care. But then she says she knows I'm seeing another girl today because she has looked through my texts. She got very jealous and asked me to be with her and only her, and to trust her more. I agree to it.

Now I wish I hadn't to be honest. I was happy to be in an open relationship with her, I don't mind her seeing other guys as long as I can see other girls. But now she isn't answering the phone or texts, and I can't stop wondering if right now she has that other guy round at hers having sex.

What should I do? Am I paranoid? What would you do if your partner was like this?

Maybe I haven't made this clear - I WAS in an open relationship. WE'RE NOT IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE SINCE SHE ASKED ME TO BE EXCLUSIVE WITH HER.
I should probably mention that the other day some guy on Facebook randomly sent me a message telling me that she's cheating on me. She says he said that because she wouldn't show him her boobs? Hmmm...
I got a friend to send her a message on Facebook and ask her to meet him. She agreed to meet him, even told him he was hot. When she was asked if she had a boyfriend she said "yeah but not for much longer haha". You guys were right, she was a cheat.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Dude, you need to seriously leave this girl. I am sorry to be honest, but this girl has some serious issues. you have a right not to trust her because, yes, having guy friends is innocent and could be nothing but true friends wouldn't ask her to have sex with them, especially if they know she is with you. its called respecting friend boundaries, which they aren't doing. it is so funny that she would immediately go for having another guy spend the night right after yall discuss and agree to an open relationship. seeing how its weird to have an open relationship so early in yalls relationship itself. to have a true, trusted open relationship, you have to know and trust your partner in the first place and that takes time to do before you can say " yes, I trust her to go out and flirt with other men" because what you are doing right now is just being her f**k buddy. she went and read your text messages, seriously? not cool at all. if its an open relationship, what you said to another girl shouldn't matter, but since it does and she did that, its not a true open relationship. hell its not even a real relationship at all. she wants you to ONLY be with her, while she goes around SLEEPING with other me. I don't think so. this chick is a serious SLUT. I would break up with her all together. and if you choose, maybe she will still sleep with you, but if I were you, I wouldn't sleep with her either, she might have something... you just never know. good luck dude.

    • Thanks for the honest reply. I've finished with her now and I'm not even talking to her.

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    • you were upset over what I said? I am terribly sorry. I just try to be honest. I study human behavior, psychology and human behavior is my life and has been since I was younger. if it is happening the way you say it is then what I replied is what I see is going on. all I do is try to help people before it gets too deep into a relationship to be able to get out.

    • No not upset over you lol, I mean the message she sent to my friend agreeing to meet him, telling him that he's hot and stuff.

What Girls Said 11

  • she's cheating on you. bottom line. just move on we spoke about this 12 days ago! don't you deserve better that's lame why would a guy who gets dissed because she won't show him her boobs then go out of his way find out who you are email you on fb and then try to take it to a whole new level.

    its like when guys cheat on a girl and then the girl finds out and goes back to the guy and everyone just thinks the girls dumb... its like that kinda... no its def. like that dear. I'm sorry she's dragging you down but dear move on you know you deserve better! =)

    • I have finished with her. I keep wanting to sort it out and get back with her but I know I'm being an idiot, and I know exactly what you mean. If I was another person I'd say the same as you, now I need to take my own advice and leave her the f*** alone.

    • just remember this.. that you got along without her before you can get along just fine without her again. tomorrows a beautiful new day surrounded with tons of new people and someone who deserves to love you and respect you and you deserve to love and respect them. best of luck!

  • first off an open relationship I think is complete and utter crap. sorry... that's part of the reason why you don't trust her. secondly if you want an open relationship with her there's a lot of things that are wrong with the current one you're in. You will never trust someone while they are sleeping with someone else and you know about it. here's her angle she wants to make you jealous she's kinda not the most trustworthy person let's be honest.

    i have lots of guy friends few girlfriends and my boyfriend knows it. is he stoked about it probably not but still I do and he knows that they are just friends. my guy friends don't try to convince me to have sex with their friends that's just weird... and that would make me feel like a whore and they were my pimp. GROSS

    Next, just move on... your obviously not as interested because you are going to be in an open relationship with her and looking elsewhere for answers. You're conflicted and that's adding to your unsureness. move on its for the best... she doesn't trust you and you don't trust her what kind of relationship is that?

    Lastly, I really do believe open relationships are the "you want you cake and eat it too," types of relationships you want to be with someone because they give you good sex and you don't because she makes you crazy you guys seem to have really bad fights all the time bad enough to break up. its a sexual chemistry thing. in england (im guess that's where you're from) std rates are high... wear a condom and be an f-buddy. sorry.

    • When it was open it didn't matter, I really didn't care if she slept with anybody else. Please read the post properly. I am now in a comitted relationship with her, but don't trust that she will actually stick to the promise of not seeing other guys. That is all. She does trust me, I just don't trust her. Thanks for the reply :)

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    • Thats true. But if I don't actually try to on the first date then I won't know whether she would have held out or not do I? Lol :)

    • just don't try lol I mean if you have a good time with someone leave them with a kiss that rocks their world. leave them wanting you and you'll never have to wonder. but if a girl blatantly says wanna hook up on the first date... you know every signal in your heads going slag... easy... one night stand. which there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want but if you want a relationship there's a difference.

  • your welcome. I just didn't want you to get hurt over a girl like that. she probably cheats and plays every guy she is with. please don't be hurt. you will find someone who will actually treat you right and until then, spend some time with yourself. people are always so worried about being with someone that we never really make time to ourselves to simply be alone. good luck. :D

  • I don't think you can really have a relationship with someone you don't trust it just won't work. If she really wants you and wants a relationship with you then she should make an effort to show you that you can trust her. If an open relationship is what you want, then you need to tell her that. Communication is key =)

    Just be honest and talk to her about how you feel and what you want to happen. If she doesn't agree and just wants you to be with her only, and wants to go around open to others then that's really one sided and selfish. I wouldn't waste my time on a relationship if she can't at least talk to you and understand how you feel.

    • Yeah you're right, she does understand how I feel. I've been cheated on a lot, and have had a lot of interest from girls with boyfriends, so I find it really hard to trust women.

      And yeah that's exactly what I'm afraid of, I don't want it to be one-sided. I know I won't cheat but I don't know about her. If she hadn't seen the texts I doubt she would have asked.

  • I agree with Rated_R about the open relationship thing... It's just an invitation for them to cheat, because there are no real boundaries. I think you need to just let her go, since it doesn't seem like you trust her, and she doesn't seem to care much about your feelings. While one of you may be wrong in this instance, it is clear that your relationship expectations are very, very different, and that is not a good recipe for a relationship. I'm sorry, but you may just need to walk away.

    • Thats the whole point of an open relationship, allowing them to be with other people, its not cheating then because you know they're with other people. I'd be completely fine with it if she was honest about it, because then I'd be having fun with other girls too. I just worry she's stopping me from seeing other girls yet still seeing other guys, and wants the best of both worlds. She is the one that seems more interested, I mean she asked me out. I really don't get it. I might have to leave her.

    • That just seems too confusing for both of you, since she's obviously not into talking to you about what's going on. I'd get out, for more reasons than one. haha

  • I definitely don't think she's worth your time. :/ It seems like she's always keeping you guessing. You two have already broken up and it's only been a month. Trust is a huge factor in a relationship. If there is none, then there shouldn't be a relationship.

    • Thats true :/ at the same time though I know I get paranoid over nothing too, and I don't want to ruin it if she hasn't actually done anything wrong. Really confused on what I should do :(

  • dont be with someone who talks to a lot of guys

    • I know, lesson learned lol... :)

  • okayyy well for one umm yeah ya might want to break up with her for good! you've obviously treid as much as you can and she's probably not worth the stress. and she's kinda being a hypocrite dude. and this is coming from a girl

    • Have done now. Thanks for the reply :)

  • Ok not to sound like a bitch! but WAKE UP she obviously likes the attention of lots of guys messaging her etc but sleeping with them too that's a different story! How could you expect to trust someone who is sleeping with other guys? I just hope you are wearing protection and if you do meet some nice girl forget about her fast! she wil only lead to trouble.

    • LOL this was ages ago... I was an idiot, I know :) lesson learned...

  • dump her. if you can't trust her, there's no future


What Guys Said 6

  • my young british friend...i'm 30, not old enough to be your father, but big brother, so here is some advice. Whenever you're with a girl who talks to a lot of guys, has a lot of "guy friends", and worse yet, flirts with other guys, almost 10 times out of 10 it's trouble. Learn this lesson now...you see any of these signs...bail. Also, all men come ready-built with a radar for this crap...it's called your gut feeling. Follow it. Moreover, you had sex the first time you met her. Leave this bitch in the dust. BTW- trust me...when you're my age...this chick will be 2x divorced with kids from different dads...she's toxic. Stay away. BTW - your shirtless pic...put a damn shirt on kid. Self portraits with your shirt off -- huge douche move.

    • Thanks for the advice mate, I finished her a couple of weeks ago. And maybe I am just a huge douche :P

  • As for your Update good move on getting the friend to message that was a smart plan. Glad you seen past this bitch for what she is.

    • Yeah, should never have trusted her.

    • Yeah seems she's only good at one thing. You plan sounds so good I might have to use it.

  • I'm not one who likes the idea of a open relationship but I would agree with JustSayinn's answer. I just don't like the idea never been in one exactly but would make me want to kick the crap out of the other guys.

    • That's cool. I really don't mind as long as I'm not being lied to. If she's going around shagging other guys I want to have fun with other people too. I don't want it to be one sided...

    • Yeah only thing Id worry about is catching a disease from her if she's just out there having sex with multiple guys. Do what ya gotta do if it don't bother you move on find someone better.

    • Well since you say your exclusive with her now. All I would say is I would agree on not trusting her still because at your age I was with someone who was with hanging around with other guys and heard the whole BS line of "were just friends" and I didn't trust her come to find out months later she was cheating. I even gave ultimatum and said if I found out its over she still did it. So don't let your guard down and keep your eyes open.

  • If you don't trust her then kick her to the curve, it's all about self-respect

  • she sounds pretty easy mate

  • just an idea , y don't you grow up ...and don't give a sh,t , cause lets face it she is doin it , so move on , the sooner the better


    • Just an idea, why don't you suck my d***?

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    • Me too, but there was no need to tell me to grow up or tell me "I'm not the one boning your girl ( obviously she wouldn't mind it though.hhaha )".There's a difference between not sugar coating and being insulting.

    • y are you fighting with me man , those answers were written after you offered me your d*** , I ain't J C , anyone does that I'm gonna fire back .

      and I AM SORRY IF I INSULTED You ,