My best friend's girlfriend hates me, advice?

[heatherlu]

My best friend's fiance really dislikes me.

Has anyone ever been in this situation before?

Essentially my best friend's girlfriend has a lot of 'issues' peterning to my relationship with him. She thinks I'm out to steal him from her. She's very protective of him, and hates the idea of him having any female friends, let alone a female best friend. It's caused problems before - to the extent where they broke up. I mean, I and other girls weren't the only factor in this, but I know it played a big part.

They have a long distance relationship, which I'm sure does nothing to help her hostility towards me, as he sees me far more often than her. I'm not going to pretend to be her biggest fan - I don't like her, but I suppose that's because I'm loyal to him, and she puts him through a lot of sh*t - but he wants to be with her and I respect that.

Problem is, I've only spoken to her on two occasions, and both times she was really hostile towards me, calling me a whore, saying he was a one woman man and I needed to stay away.

Is there any way I can build bridges with her? I have no interest in my best friend as anything other than that, and he has no interest in me. Never has - and she's the first woman he's ever been with sexually, or in terms of a serious relationship. So I'm really struggling to see where this insecurity comes from, and how best to 'fix' it. I know this is causing problems for him - and honestly I don't know what I can do - if anything. I've never engaged in her insults or played up to them, just ignored them; but I'm at a loss as how to reassure her that nothings happening.

I thought after they got back together things were resolved - but apparently not.

[alimahadtheman]

Put it this way:

You are quite good looking, you are loyal and very considerate (the reason you talked to her, the total bitch she is, and wanting to call truce with her), and he himself obviously likes spending time with you. Of course she would feel insecure and jealous because she doesn't sound half the person you are.

She is the only whore I see mind you, because unlike you, she is there for sex only and is totally inconsiderate of her bf's need for genuine friends. Had she been a good girlfriend, she would not talk to a single other guy herself (which I am dead sure she doesn't do) before she questions her boyfriend's friends. Because when she does that, she is not hating on you; She is hating on her bf's taste in friends, her bf's behavior, and her bf's commitment to her.

You know that non of her speculations are true, so wasting time even thinking about is useless. Don't expect her to change. She has a very explicit grudge against you.

Give it a rest. You don't have to be disrespected and insulted by someone this shallow and immature. What I am trying to assure you is that since this is completely her head ache and not yours, she is the one who has to deal with it.

The solution is very simple. No where have you bought up your friend's input in this. Ask him to either get his gf's act straightened up or say good bye to you, because he is playing it safe and running away from this. Considering how they have already broken up before I am sure he is not a kid himself and is well aware how retarded his girlfriend is. Play a blind ear if they break up again.

Most importantly, do NOT feel guilty about being friends with this guy. This 'problem' comes from within her and stays there. You don't have to be a part of it.

In case your boyfriend is able to get you two to talk like sensible adults, assure her that he is a friend to you because you are not the one dating him, she is.

[Impex]

Well so long as you look like a threat to her than she will be hostile, its very difficult to get over those hurdles of jelousy when the other person is so hostile. So long as your best friend stays your friend and continues to hang out with you than I don't see a problem unless he asks you to step away because she is far away so what can she do besides words?

Be the bigger person here and just be kind to her when she acts like that, she will feel silly and you will be the mature one in this whole situation.

[heatherlu]

Thanks for your input, but the whole 'be the bigger person' thing definitely doesn't seem to work. She doesn't feel silly or immature about her actions.

I just don't like the fact that there's a strain on his relationship - which is essentially because of me.

[Impex]

True but I also said that despite what she thinks just concentrate on being with your friend. If you really want to know ask him what you can do to get on her good side maybe he has some insight.

[hockeyrulesforever]

I don't know... from her perspective I could see why she doesn't want you to be around him so much, but on the other hand she has no right swearing and trying to bring you down. If I were her I would definately be jealous, thinking that my boyfriend spends so much time alone with another girl as if THEY were dating and not me and him. The biggest factor would be that she thinks he either likes you and you like him, or that there is the potential for him to have feelings for you and that he would break up with her. In a way you should respect her feelings a little, maybe try to hang out with him with a bunch of other people or don't be alone with him too often. It will help with the jealousy issues, but I don't know by how much. Also, she sounds pretty childish to be swearing at you... but I guess she can't help it and she really likes him...

[smexiliciousss]

Talk to her and tell her, "I'm not out here to steal your fiance, he is like a brother to me. He sees something in you and only you, that's why he's in a relationship with YOU, not me, and you should realize that he needs a little space too, just like I bet you like to hang out with your guy friends sometimes.." As hard as it may be if you try to make plans with her she may realize you are a nice girl. If it doesn't work out, the best thing to do is just to avoid her and don't hang around her.

[minx101d]

OMG yes. We are still friends but behind her back which I hate because it doesn't seem right to lie. I tried so hard to be her friend and make her feel at ease about our friendship but her emotional issues keep her from being a normal human being. She has even forbidden my friends family, mom, dad and sister from visiting them at their house. We have known each other forever. At least, I know I am not the only one she hates all his guy friends too.

[x9354]

Take her out for a girls night or treat her to a spa...it will give her a chance to see you more as a friend rather than a competitor. For added fun, get her drunk and take her to a male strip club. Make sure you take plenty of pictures when you buy her a lap dance. She'll be much more eager to have you on her side when you show her the pics the next morning (you may even become bffs).

[taster]

Heather Looo...this is a grievous situation...U stand tall in my eyes...but...I have no good news to give u...this silly bitch does not have your class...and in the end...she will not keep him either...and the only question is how much damage does she do in the meantime...she will not bend..and he will not be able to control her...if he even tries..I hope for your sake that I am wrong...

[kheserthorpe]

No, she will never be happy with you being around him.

He probably always wanted you, and she knows it.

[funsahil]

tell her your best friend is like a brother to you if you don't have any feeling for him and vice versa and every thing will cool down. I hope it will help defiantly

[erekmax]

she sounds insecure... however, being the female best friend hostility sometimes comes with the territory.

[Anonymous]

she's probably jealous of you and concerned her boyfriend likes you more than he should

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't take it personal its what happens when a guy has a close female friend

[Anonymous]

She's peobably intimidated

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's just insecure or very protective

[Anonymous]

Get a bf