Why won't he invite me to family events?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, we are both in our early 20's, live with our parents and our the same race/religion. My family loves him and he is always at my house and at family events. I have been introduced to his parents and seen them a few times but I have never had dinner with them or spent time with them. I know all his friends, they are my friends now too and I have met his younger siblings and most of his cousins, but he will never invite me to family events where there are adults. When I ask my boyfriend why he NEVER invites me (we have had MANY talks about this) he just says that he isn't the type to take a girl home, and he is slowly trying. I have asked him if he is ashamed of me and he says no, I have also asked him if his parents like me, and he says yes. He didn't invite me to his own birthday with family but invited his guy friends because "there like his family". I don't want to push him too far because he broke up with me once over this issue(one and only time we broke up), but its getting to the point where I might break up with him because its so hurtful not being invited after this long. I'm not his first gf, he has introduced his parents to the previous girlfriend at his birthday party. I don't know why he won't invite me around parents and relatives when I always invite him around mine. this is going to be really difficult especially around the holiday season.


Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of people who are going to respond to this question are going to tell you it's because there's something for you to be suspicious of, maybe he's cheating, or something else, and that is a strong possibility. But I'm going to present you with a different possibility, one that you may not be seeing, and one that a lot of people may be seeing.

    I come from a family with a lot of drama. My mother is depressed and has been in and out of mental institutions as well as normal hospitals for her lung problems since I was a child, and she's been single ever since she and my father divorced when I was 3. My father goes through girlfriends like most people go through toilet paper, and now he's married to a second wife but their marriage is already failing. My sister is married to an abusive, druggie husband, and has two kids. I don't want my girlfriends getting involved in my family issues. I want them staying far away from her, and I want her staying far away from them. In fact, I don't even tell my family when I do have a girlfriend because I don't want them getting involved in my personal life. Going to holiday dinners with them isn't an enjoyable experience. It's a case of "going through the motions" which usually ends up with people getting drunk and fights breaking out between my father and my sister's husband.

    Part of me fears that if my girlfriend (if I did have one) got involved with them, their ugliness and their dysfunctionality would spread to her. Sounds stupid, I know, but that's the truth. In fact, one day I plan on moving to another state where I don't have any relatives. When (and if) I start a family of my own, I don't want it to be an extension of my family. I want it to be something new, something different, something SEPERATE.

    Honestly, I'd rather my girlfriend not even know I had a family.

    As bad as it sounds, it's how I feel, and your boyfriend's situation might be similar. And if that is the case, then what he wants and needs is not a "traditional" relationship where you and his family and the both of your families intermingle. He wants to keep everything seperate, because it's not YOU he's ashamed of, it's his family.